Mu5t S33 Bl0g5pot

2010-04-29T00:54:00.002+08:00

New Blog Add.

Hey guys! For those that who are wondering if I'm still alive, YES! I AM! :D

Ok, here, is my new blog Add. Shifting into this address soon:

kiatiano-daysofmylife.blogspot.com

Thanks guys for visisting! Please leave comments at any posts soon ;)

2010-01-31T14:07:00.003+08:00

Life is about choice.

Hey well, I think in life we gotta make some difficult choices and I can say, when you are not in that person's shoes, you do not actually feel how important it is. It just shows that the priorities and the importance of certain things in each of our lives are different :)

Ok, well, it just started off like this:

Problem no.1:

A few days ago I looked up over the internet and signed up for a free preview workshop for some courses at AKTLG and just sat for the WEALTH ACADEMY TRADER preview not long ago. I can tell you, for all those amatuer traders out there, definitely you do not know what is going on out there and who you are up against with. It's during that session with the bold and direct speaker, who dos not motivates you BUT WARNS you about how gray business can be and scare the wits our of you until the weak-hearted could wet their pants, WITH COLD HARD FACTS AND EVIDENSE. Right, well, if you don't believe me, can sit for it yourself, attend ALL the free previews they offer at AKLTG and you will know which one i sat for. It's free anyway ;)

Yet, I should say, that despite all the 101 bad things he warn us from gettig into such a business, i should say it's that very awareness he stirred in me that draws me closer into it. In Today's world, what we see around us is all BUSINESS. No matter where you go, where you hide, even if you don't believe and choose a corner to cry, that particular corner is even made up of a BUSINESS. So practically, why should i shy away? Why should I deny that everything around is is MONEY? Money is not everything, but MONEY SUPPORTS LIFE. I would be a fool if i were to pretent that 'Oh, it's immoral, against my ethics, I shoudl sty away."... But what you choose to avoid now, it will haunts you ack in the future. That's why i choose to face it, face-to-face :)

Just like i onc told a vey close friends,
"If you know that something is around you and is happening and yet you choose to ignores it hoping it will go away one day, you are being STUPID and IGNORANT"

So, if one day something you tries to run away comes back to you again, what will you do? :)

So, back to the encounter, I emailed to the very speaker at night. I can tell you, I WAS SO SHY that i do not even dare to approach him. To me, he was like a God, he's the one who's gonna teach me the very art I always wanted to learn for the past 20 years of my life. SPEAKING TO HIM DIRECTLY EVEN FEELS LIIKE AN INSULT TO HIM! So, I emailed him lohz... =D Haha ok, then to cut things short, I try to tell him how much i appreciate his effort to reply me an how much i agree to him on the importance of financial education, and finally with his straightforwardness, which both agitated me a little yet I appreciate his straight to the face 'take-it-or-leave-it' approach, he is willing to meet me. I can tell you, that satisfaction might be much more than falling in love, at that point in time. So, do not misunderstood, I wish to fall in love again too =D

This is problem no.1, he is an international speaker and teacher, who is willing to squeeze a little time to meet me; it's like I am given an opportunity to pursue for something I always wanted in life. Then here comes the problem: the date he's willing to meet me clash with another date: a date with someone who is important, and used to be EVEN MORE important in the past. But well, that's past. Push away, NO, that's once in a lifetime opportunity, although considering the possibility that we might not turn out well. Shift it away, NO, that's an insult to him, who's he? AN INTERNATIONAL TEACHER MAN! Hmm so, as much as i hate it, looks like my the other date have to wait. It just makes me feels like we might not be fated after all SIGH :(

Ok well, cheer up, meeting an international speaker first time in my life, ever since when I am so ON before?! Mayb it's time to do things that i really wants?

Then here comes problem no.2:

I was talking over problem no.1 with Janice and Limin ytd about my problem no.1 (which in fact I had already decide, just keeping my options open if they happen to give me a better alternatives, which didn't) and we link link link to problem no.2: M i doing the right course and m i doing the course that I want in Uni? :-/ I should tell you, I dunno what was going on but suddenly now, all problems seems to surfaced; it was as if God is doing a test on me or playing with me somehow. I should tell you, my parents, especially my mum, was super insupportive when I told her about my attendance in AKLTG. I will wanna tell her one thing, she will reject it. I tell her another, she rejects it. No wonder in many motivational books from successful entrepreneur, they always say THEY WILL BE MANY OTHERS WHO WILL WANNA REJECT YOUR THOUGHTS. Well, I know that coming already, but i still keep my options open.

Ok, then back to story, the qn Janice shakes me a little. Mi doing the right course I want? I can definitely tell you straight at the face, NO!, THATS NOT THE COURSE I WANTED NOW. I can tell you, nothing matters in my mind more other than money education now, any aducation that has to be done with money. It's just that, you see, I always wanted to be rich since young, but don't ask me how yet but i want. And i always go towards it, always waiting for 20-21 so that I can be free from my parents clutches and learn everything I can about money. I can tell you, they are not good people to mess with. Then now i look at my own MATERIAL ENGINEERING course. Hmm, not a bad choice, high in demand researcher and professional. Sure a 'bright' future when i graduate. What a dilemma I m in now!

Yup, right, owells, Life is just about choices. Sometimes good chice you made, does not gives you the good results you wish for. But for now, just hope i don't make the wrong choice.

May you made the righ choice, more adventure to come. Amen :)

2009-12-04T18:53:00.000+08:00

HILARIOUS!

Hilarious game show, check this out! =D

2009-11-24T10:31:00.002+08:00

Empowerment comes from choice

was a very bored day since i had nothing to do. So, thinking that since i'd nothing better to do, why not make myself useful by doing things that better if not for myself, then for others. So i went into the classified to find for: JOB

Well, i should say, this definitely does not benefits me. I'm only free this week, even after my ORD i'm only free for a week before i left for another week of holiday, this is definitely not a responsible teacher's schedule. It was for my friends.

This is the interesting thing I realised RAMIT SEITHI once commented on his colleague, 'i don't understand why so many people fear to make a direct phone calls...' And yes, i used to do that, but now i don't.

Well, I pass her the number and she's a powerful resistor to make the phone call. The first thing I ask her before i start 'exploding' with encouragements at her is ' why are you so reluctant to make that call?' I think all of us remember most of the first time of everything and some first time i'll never forget in my whole life. And i believe everyone remembered their first phone call to the public, ok went quite well, until at some point it starts to get difficult. Well, she screamed at me 'What do I've to say?!' 'Well, you don't have to say anything, it's you asking them something!'

I think that many of us fear of making public phone calls are generally cos of lack in confident in building relationship with the speaker or thinking it might lead to another emberrassment. But one thing i noticed is that, THE SPEAKER THEMSELVES ARE THINKING THE SAME! So why not use that at your advantage? Moreover, to be honest, the speaker won't even remember who on Earth are we after the next hour or two, so that means we don't need any relationship with the speaker at all! ;)

What i think many did not know is that power comes with choice and hence to attain the certain power, you have to make the right choice. More than ever, the speaker over the phone is praying that you do not make the calls, so that means by making the call, it shatters the other party's prayer and you are already won two-fold, and the power is granted onto you already, unless the other person over the phone is like me, emotionless and cold, quite impatient to conversation with no purpose, so i think i don't fit in customer service at all ;)

To conclude, I hope that many more who read this finally realised that hey, making phone calls are not difficult after all. Got thing to ask, Nothing to ask, just do it. The party don't nkow who you are anyway. They might be thinking u re some mafia anyway.

Gonna make more calls soon, this one's for myself. Cheers! =)

2009-11-23T00:56:00.002+08:00

Life's a journey, where do you go?

Hey hey hello! It's freaking late at night ald and I still not sleep yet! Haha ok, here just to kill some time and some reflection to do :)

Haha hey, just bought a book today titled WHY WE WANT YOU TO BE RICH by both U.S powerful real estate player Robert Kiyosaki and Donald Trump. Seriously I should say, I loved both of them. Not just that they are freaking Rich (Yes Wealth turns me on but I always believe there's a higher purpose in life other than wealth), but they both found their purpose in life. I always look up to oustanding individuals who are hard to knock-down and stand firmly when coming to doing something they want and among those I should say, no one is more influential to me than both of them.

I should say both of them had a secret magnet that attracts me. When i first look at it, i was thinking 'Hey, m i straight? What m i thinking!' Haha then as i start to question more and more, i finally realised why. Many attracts to them cos of their charisma and i agree totally into it. Both are charismatic and powerful. Both are intellectual and smart. Although i agree that Donald Trump will be more ferocious than Robert Kiyosaki, I think Robert will bite well too. Donald Trump thinks big and i think his b*lls are super big too. Robert Kiyosaki is more conservative, but still powerful and clever as well. At one glance it might seems that it is their wealth and power that gave them such influence, but don't be fooled.

I always believe that no matter how well you fake yourself, you groom yourself or pretend to be someone else, YOUR character can always be predicted by a first look. And by looking at both Donald Trump and Robert Kiyosaki, both possessed a magical character that i could not decipher until I read the title today. Then i realised, both are more than just powerful economic players: they are Great teachers as well!

There's a secret among the rich just like everyone has secret. But what makes money the roots of 'all' evil is that the rich kept their secrets to keep them rich! And this is how both donald Trump and Robert Kiyosaki comes in. Donald Trump wrote The America we deserve (which i yet to read) to educate the financial catastrophe, dollar power, patriotism and even terrorism of America. He creates the awareness of the social politics in America, waking them up from the 'American Dream' and educates people to gain financial wealth through more books, TV the Apprentice and even boardgames. Rich is getting richer and so should we too. Robert Kiyaosaki ok the other hand motivates readers, inspire those who had not dare to step out of lower or middle class to do something big. We will always remember his RICH DAD POOR DAD series and Cashflow 101, the way we shares the secrets of wealth. And thus i think, they are good examples of what everyone should do too.

Teahching is rewarding, because it is more benevolent to pass on something and knowledge that is part of you, seeing it grows and nurture on another being, witnessing another being benefits from it. If education is one of the root to eradicate poverty, to improve a person's quality of life, to achieve gender equality and many many other reasons that we memorized in school, then isn't teachers are more than just a career but missionaries or crusaders, guiding our communities towards a greater purpose.

Maybe it is them that inspired me to be a responsible teacher if i were to be one. And i think teachers are more than just teachers too. Now i know.

If life's a journey, i know my life at one point, maybe is to pass on something from me to others.
If life's a journey, What will yours be?

Happy night tonight, may peace be with you ;) Ciao~ :)

2009-11-20T19:58:00.002+08:00

NEW SKIN!

Haha well, I think that a leader should possess the ability to change before their environment force them to. If so, then i don't think i'm a good one!

Haha well, the previous one kinda 'closed down', so now using a new skin. Not bad huh? Of cos lahz, gotta see who choose one mahz... *evil laugh*

Ok, it's kinda nice. Hope this one can use longer though! X)

Ciao!

2009-11-08T18:48:00.002+08:00

Good Run! ;)

Hey yohz peeps! Haha maybe blogging is one way to save some time. Haha blogging again!

Haha Today's sucha happy day, went running for the NEW BALANCE REAL RUN at changi, tell ya, you might feels that it's a suffering for the 10k but you will feel real shiok after it! ;) And best still, met my former classmate and chatted a little. It's always exciting to meet someone you knew! Now I've one more running fren into my team. Haha currently 2 :P

Haha well, today's such a puty that i did not bring any camera or my camera phone along, otherwise sure tooks lots of pix. Haha love sight-seeing... *OK! OK!* xD

Ok, well, today gotta post about something right? Then that reminds me of some test my buddy took over FB. It's a personality test or something then one of the question is what drives you crazy in a sweet fresh r/s:

a. Your parents hate your in-laws
b. Your partner does not have a clean break with her ex
c. There's a third party in the r/s
d. You and your partner can't agree on everything about the wedding

And then i choose c lahz. Haha you should see his reaction:"Wah! Next time your both sides pulled and stretched you then you know!" Haha well, then the idealistic philosopher me just roll my eyes:how bad can it be?

Well, I just took a horoscope test over the FB and they say Leo is a passionate and mindless lover... and well i'm agree to that. It seems that one of my goal in life is to find a partner who can love each other sweet and live happily ever after. sounds simple? That simple, and i know girls these days aren't that simple anymore. It seems to me that my life will revolves around my partner and i still nod my head to it. We all know one day that one day we are gonna have a family on my own, I'm gonna be a father. But bcos i'm someone's son, does that means I'm gonna give up my family cos my parents don't agree with the in-laws? Crudely, haha think the elders can sort things out themselves. But if there's a third part, will there still be a relationship between us at all? Do we still have a fight over in-laws? So, i don't think my buddy will understand that point =)

Well, more well-s, think I gotta be strong and stronger. sometimes in life after a fall, we gotta pick ourselves up again. Once i told someone, have faith, for faith is a life bouy which will save you even if you fall off from your life boat again and again.

Think after a failed relationship it did crippled me, but a true spear have to go through endless flame, may feel hard now, may not feel that attended to now, but one day i will. Learn from the mistakes in the past, be a better person.

One day I will find what one want, it's not now then it's will be soon.

No hurry, peace at heart.

Ciao~ =)

2009-11-07T16:30:00.003+08:00

CSI: victim died of boredom!

Hey yohz peeps! Today seriously gonna be the-another-worst-day in my whole life. So super bored today. Hmm it seems like my life's getting from bad to worst. Wanna buy a few days of my life from me, anyone?? If only your days can be traded, at least they are of some use XS

Well, today did quite travelled a lot. Firstly went over to SimLim for an interview (or should i say a visit). Well, my friend kinda introduce me to his friend, who's hiring some help out for the coming IT show. But in the end it ended up as just a face-to-face say-hi-thingy, she took down my no. and i just left. They didn't even told me anything lahz. Think this one's screwed.

Secondly I ended up myself at IKEA Tampines. Initially I was thinking of visiting COURTS too, but in the end gave up cos IKEA is not just huge: WARNING! IT'S ENORMOUS! And i should say IKEA floor planner is a brilliant person, cos the way they design their maze is such that YOU WILL HAVE TO PASS BY THEIR EVERY PRODUCT BEFORE LEAVING THAT PLACE. Wow, and that also means going to the toilets too. Smart smart... Anyway, it's quite enjoying too: sight-seeing and escaping from the scorching weather. Dunno why but how would i wish i could breakfree from my financial chain and attained limitless freedom right now, the first thing i'm gonna do is to furnish my home into a 5-star room. Dunno why living fancy turns me on too. Well, who don't wanna live comfortably anyway =)

Then lastly, the last stop of my today's journey is to book my BTT at CDC. And i should say damn it, I dragged myself there, toasted and latargic, and they are closed. Diesel anyone? I'm gonna burn that place :S

Well, sometimes... Ok, MANY TIMES i'm kinda envy my friends who are out there too. Haha ok, I know that grass is not always greener on the other side, but different people have different taste towards different grass right? Mayb I like paler green grasses more? X) But apart from the tasting of grasses like cows, at least they had the freedom to taste the grasses outside. Or at least they are tasting grasses outside? Well, I think it's after today that i know my character more.

First: I envy other's everything
Second: I wanna have everything.
Third: I can't do nothing.

It's like, doing nothing is killing me man!!! I'm just felt so de-tached from the World! Well, think positive think positive right now... Go find a job.

Well, think boredom's gonna drive me mad for a few more days now, still thinking of how to spend my coming block leave too. Hope there's at least something for me to do. Free labour, anyone?? xD I must as well sell away myself to India.

Ok, gonna find something to do. Having morale issues now *sulk* Ciao!

2009-11-01T20:07:00.002+08:00

Faking a smile to live my day

Hey yohz peeps! I should say, today has been such a disturbing day. Well, fought with mum today, and i think she still didn't get my point.

Well, it started of from a very very small thing. It first started of with me booking in today this afternoon. Because normally my parents will know what time i'm booking in and they will ask me when it's my booking in time soon. Then this time, for i dunno what reason, she didn't ask so i ask her what's the plan today. Then the first flare of battle began...

Firstly she said she has many things to do today. Ok, although i know ME as SON shouldn't be complacent, what is she trying to say to me?! It's 3 hours to my book in time man! Ok, then furious and panicked me, stunned by her going-to-be busy programmes and i still have to return a rent VCD later, I proposed that I leave now to return myVCD, rush home to shower then book in with friends by taxi; at least if i leave now i still got time, at least i ve ASSURANCE! Then she said, "Why do you have to say it like that lehz? You like not happy lahz." WHAT?! Of course! I'm panicking. Later you'll say is my fault for you speeding even though i might be the one waiting for you all!! I'd enough! Ok, that's ONE.

Next, She started to nag. I dunno why, I'm getting more and more allergic to nagging, don't mind complaining, but not nagging. Then suddenly I dunno why she talked about failures in modern education... Filial peity... Manners... Dunno what's the qn she asked, but i rmemberd my ans,"then i'll live opposite you lohz!" - cheekily. Ok, that suppose to be a joke, but she took it too seriously. First, it's a joke, even if it's not a joke, I'm just trying to tell her that now SONs and DAUGHTERs prefer to live away NOT BCOS THEY WANNA DUMP THEIR PARENTS ONE SIDE, but THEY RESPECT PRIVATE SPACE! Let's face it, IF i wanna dump you, I would've MIGRATED. So, apperently she didn't see my point. Then she started saying,"SO everytime you wanna do CIP is it cos of SOME CERT or KILL TIME?(!)" OMG!!! M I STILL HER SON?!

It have been a long long time I wanted to move out away from this house and live on my own. There are many many things I wanted to thrash, point it out to my parents telling them "Hey! I'm your grown up son now. Please don't talk to me like you Teenage son, please respect me now!" But everytime the more i wanted to tell them, to vomit out everything, then i'll think, hey they are my parents after all; forget it. But issit because that they are my parents then i shouldn't fight for my stand?!

I know i know, actually i gotta admit, my parents are good parents too. I know we are not a carefree family, at times they're trying to make end meets but they're just not saying out. Sometimes I'm glad i got such a safe envivronment to live in and i'm grateful for it.

BUT on the other hand, I hate talking to my mum. She always think that she's right. Even if she is, she will argue till she isn't! Wow, now i know where my fantastic debating skills come from man. No wonder my buddy say i no need a knife in my kitchen, my mouth are sharp enough man *thanks buddy! XS * She say she sacrifice for 20years and rear such a disrespectful son, I'll say after 20years you still didn't know how to talk to me sensitively, do you know me after 20years!? I can give in for another 5y, 10 y or 20y, but that is so not myself! Ok, i admit that i'm demanding, fast and dominating, but i can't give in and let you wrong me everytime! No wonder she said before, she and I can't live together one.

I was thinking mayb really in the future, I'll move out and live by myself if i can afford to. I'm already prepared and imagining it. But don't get it wrong like my mum, I still LOVE my family. Just that mayb if i love them, i shouldn't give them more misery at all. Not that I'm dumping them, I'll still accompany them, but living a no no. Sure fight.

But to think about it, my sister is still young. Shouldn't let her know this yet. She will understand and admit I should if she matures soon.

Maybe sometimes, love means to give it up. I wanna be rich, and i'll return them all that they had sacrificed and support them. thanks Mum thanks Dad.

Ciao :(

2009-10-26T21:15:00.002+08:00

Chemistry or Magic, God at work

Hey yo peeps! Finally one weekend's over! Haha ok, not that i wanted it to end so badly, but i think i'm not so prepared to accept that freedom yet.

Freedom is a basic Human rights with great responsibility.

Haha have been eating chatting eating chatting, need more exercises... I'll take care of myself soon! x)

Haha today went out with Charl (well, just an online friend *roll eyes*) to catch movie Julie and Julia. Well, i should say it's fantastic! Especially Both their husbands' unlimited support and encouragement to their wive's adventure in exploring the wonder of Cooking, it's outstandingly sweet!

Then we concluded that next time we are gonna watch a horror movie. Ok, not that i'm GONNA TAKE ADVANTAGE OF ANYONE, but this one's gonna be interesting. I love the setting, it brings spooks right to ur doorstep! It's gonna be hair-tingling, prepare!!

2009-10-19T17:15:00.004+08:00

Lullaby and and empty house: Where are you!

Hey yohz peeps! Haha you know, one of the things i wished to learn is Ballroom dancing. One day i would really wish to hold my partner at her waist and dance whole night! Peeps help: which should i start? How come there's so many types of dance: Tango? Salsa? What's happening?!

Haha well today finally just went swimming. Haha ok, it's just a Fun pool at TPY SAFRA, but it's tiring still k? Swam till my buddy's ok with his GYM then went to join him for Jacazzi. Haha tell ya, swimming's definitely not an easy job. Although I swam a little rested a little, it felt like the aftermath of running a marathon. One good thing about swimming is you gotta exhaust you whole damn body without a single sweat! Haha but swimming alone sux lahz. Haha and also that jacuzzi, sitting in a hot bubbling tub is definitely something i don't know how to enjoy! Haha well Ladies and Gentlemen, annoucing the feelings to be cooked: Jacuzzi!

Haha then lastly is about my previous post. Hmm well, it's suppose to be a non-feeling thing, but how can i be so not careful and left my feelings with her? Finding my feelings back though, more careful next time. She's sweet.

Well, hands and feets are still are still numb. Enjoying the songs now. Love101, rox!

Ciao.

2009-10-18T14:56:00.003+08:00

A kiss and i throw my feelings away...

Hey yohz peeps! Hey shit, don wanna blog much for this one.

Juat wanna say I went out clubbing yesterday and what had i done?

I duno what had i done... Just throw my feelings away. I dunno.

Lost, ciao.

2009-10-04T21:00:00.002+08:00

Shagged, Tired, Exhausted- still going!

Hello peeps! Haha hey dunno why there's so much things to blog about lately. Mayb I'm just too bored? Well, mayb, but i'm sure there's somethings i gotta say before i forgets!

Hmm firstly, today i felt quite bad after telling my buddy off but i'm so grateful that he understood what i'm trying to say. These days i felt that i'm conversing lesser and lesser to my peeps in camp. Unless necessary or funny, i hardly wanna initiate at all. My goodness, why can't they grow up and say something useful? Constanly they are saying on one another, they think is funny, but they didn't realise there's limit to crude humour; constantly they are trying to boast their ownselves, if they are really that good, do they really need to boast at all? Constantly they are so arrogant, if you can make it in the army, do you think the World is crowning u to be the king? Issit just the people I met around me, but why is guys these days saying things that are wasting time, no substance, and undermining their own honour? No wonder, no i remember an article years ago, an entrepreneur commenting "guys are childish". Issit really true?

Ok, put all the thrashing aside, today's definitely too shag for me lahz. Just had firing yesterday and today had to wake up early, not enough sleep, to return home, at least smell my bed for today. Haha well, I'm so tired that I didnt notice the escalator is coming down, yet i even stepped on ittrying to get up lahz! Haha so embarrassed, can someone dig a ditch for me now?! xD

Haha well, these few weeks' gonna be very sux lahz. Burned my sat ytd, and burning one more soon. Hey, i hardly made a fren and only gotta meet her up on every first sat of the month during cip, now i think i gotta wait till nov? Sux *sigh* but i've branded "property of SAF" for 2 years and only worth 550 per month, what can i do? Haha like i always joked, "enslaved" and "cheap". Well, yeah, few more months! ^^

Ok, now gotta sign off. gonna watch a movie before turning in to sleep. Well, yesterday just had a conversation with her, hope she don't think i'm obsessed again (i'm not k?!) She's kinda fun though *shrugg* ;)

ok, gtg *Sigh* gotta meet useless people tml again. This is the reason why i've more girl-friends than boy-friends k! Well, my ex don't use to understand, but she didn't have to understand anyway.

Sign off, ciao! >.o

2009-10-02T19:47:00.002+08:00

FRUGAL or STINGY, OMG!

Haha hey yohz peeps! Haha mayb just by reading the title, mayb you should've guessed what issit about: i think i'm suffering from "can't-let-my-hands-off-cash" syndrome! HELP!

Haha well, this is what happened: today i went out with my buddy to PS and first we saw a GREAT PROMO cum SALE at Carafour. Then i was stunned by the great discount on their movie DVD: they are selling it for $5 per piece!!! OMG I had never seen DVD sold that cheap before and moreover the movies are not quite out-dated a bit lahz. Haha although my heart is screaming to grab one, it take me quite a while before i finally grab the best one lahz. OMG, just a $5 DVD bought with a $500 attitude. Reluctant level:5/10, yet ok, satisfaction 100%.

Then Next, I reached Kovan gonna buy my beloved LOVE101 CD; well gotta admit, I've been eyeing on it for a very long time already lahz! Then finally saw it in MJ, I could feel my soul floating away! Next step, see the price: $20?!?!?! Haha this is the worst part. Ok, I know that it's completely logical to spend $20 for 101 tracks, 6 CDs, but for some reason or another, I got the impulse to run out of the store than to spend away my $20 lahz! My poor babies! Luckily my logic took over and bought it anyway. Despite the satisfaction is 101%, my reluctance is INFINITE at that instant! Heartpain, but love it anyway ^^

Haha then I was so worried lahz. What on Earth is happening to me?! The bargain is totally logical yet i'm so reluctant to spend it. M i really turning into a Stingy freak, or is this becos I m spending too prudently? *shucks* gotta start making up idea man. *sigh* mayb this is the result of being worth $550 per month for too long. DIE, NO ONE LOVE STINGY MAN *sigh*

*Sigh* And btw, have been thinking very hard lately, wondering what she's thinking though! Why don't you talk to me!! >.<

OK, now gonna spend some time with my wallet, it have been a hard time for her today. Ciao~ >.o

2009-09-27T15:43:00.002+08:00

Ignorance is bliss

Hello peeps! A happy moon cake festive!

Haha hey well, this week happened quite a lot of things too. First is camp, haha got confined last week and forced me to push my tea session till today. Well gotta say, THE TEA SESSION'S FANTASTIC MAN! HAHA! IF NOT FOR THE ORGANISER... haha ok, shouldn't say that, Jan and Li will sure to boycott my next gathering if i'm so hao lian again. But yet, I still gottat thanks Limin and Janice for their ENTHUSIASTIC PARTICIPATION TOO! haha thanks limin for the food and mooncakes! and thanks janice for the lantern and candles! Haha well, of cos i still gotta thank my mummy and daddy for helping out while at home too, they are great back stage crew man: U all rox! ^^

Well, tonight sure had a great time and i should agree the settings and all, there's no one better to spend with other then great friends man * KHAKI ROX!!* Haha then Li min and Janice ll gossip gossip ask me: hey when you re gonna get a good catch? Haha good question: my type of Good catch might not exist anymore!

Haha ya, these few days do happened a lot of things to her and between me and her too. Ok, it's bcos words are like spilled milk, once said it's never gonna be undone, so i do not wish to say much about about what happened to her and comment much what happened between us. Or should i say, there is nothing between us to talk about at the first place? Well girl, i know you are saying me things lahz, thx man.

'well, mayb she's just being polite by not telling u directly', said Jan n Li.

Ok, too polite. I'll rather you tell me abt it. *sigh* Forget about it lahz, she won't wanna tell me anything anyway. let it be *shrugg*

ignorance is bliss >.0 pissed.

2009-09-13T02:28:00.002+08:00

CRAZY RIDE (POSSIBLY MORE TO COME!!!)

Hello peeps!! *wheew* i'm so glad that finally this crazy week is over, but sadly, there's more to come!!!

Ok people, this week is the craziest week i've in my life. Although all the field trainings are over, the trainings are insane!!! *urgh* Hope i dont ended up with any broken arms these few days, more martial arts lesson to come!!!

Ok, the trainings are one thing, weekend activities is another. Well, or at least it's kinda fulfilling.

Well, went out with Ah jan and Ah li on fri to have dinner and kind of like a hang out. Haha gotta say, hanging out with them is the best lahz, although I felt a little cheated when my tokens only allowed 2 tries on the Drum master at ILLUMA arcade whereas JAN's and LI's gotta enjoy 4 tries!!! WHAT>?! SO NOW MACHINE ALSO FAVOR THE GIRLS! ohh so the machine has to be a male one lahz, i see *shrugg* haha well, eventually kinda enjoyed ourselves and is still looking forward to the next one :)

Then today (ok, YTD since now is 2am in the morning, so u know how crazy i m this weekend) had my CIP at the SAS. At first i had no clue what SAS was, other than it's the Spastic Children's Association of Singapore. To my surprised, the actually have adults to senior patients there despite the place is for 'CHILDREN". Well, I was briefed that the patients there suffered from cerebal palsy, I dont say it's an illness which my buddy asked me about it, but it's a disorder (so far this is a more correct term i know) that the part of the brain which controls the 'motor' of ur body is 'haywired', either before/during/after birth. So some of them they are actually not itellectually disabled, but they just seems like one. Well, although my beneficaries can't speak, he kinda like understood the passsage i read to him this morning lahz. Kinda embarrassing when my 'guide' said he is more intelligent than others there when i still read to him as though he didn't understands me. Haha i must have treated him like an idiot and i'm feeling to be like one lahz *sigh*.

Well, talking about feeling idiot and talking about CIP, both seems like to be more and more reasons to each other. Ohh, why do i said that? Well, because the World is such a complicated place which made me feel like an idiot sometimes and i enjoyed doing CIP because they are less complicated.

I dunno why but as time passes by, I felt the World is such a complicated place. The more I seems to know about something or someone, the more i felt strange and unknown towards it.

Well, maybe it s becos i m gg crazy which i hope not, kinda like doing CIP cos whenever i looked at the beneficaries funny-ly or not, i kinda able to hear their heart, felt thier stories, sense their simple joy and liveli-ness, despite of their looks, their body dysfunction that made them looks intimidating and felt frightened towards them. It's as though there's something God wants me to know, God wants me to do or even what God wants me to learn from them! To be honest, the thought of doing CIP initially does not come from the mind, but from some gut feeling of who knows what. And it is joining activities with them that i felt more peace and more consoled inside me. They made me feel that i'm spending my time more meaningful and i'm living a more simple life.

Life has been so complicated that even WE have become complicated too. Our simple mind had functioned in such a complex manner that even at times we could not justify the things that we do. Maybe this philosophy is true, as adapted from words of a Crystalline child in BEYOND INDiGO CHILDREN:

We ought to look at the way we treated each other, and it's only then, we might treat each other better.

Hence although the World have became a huge nuclear reactor, it's the more our soul should find more peace and it's the more we should know what we are doing.

Well, just played an application on facebook: What God wants you to know, and it's kinda surprising is we re really controlling out own fate or fate is controlling us, sterring our lives all along.

God wants me to know today (at this moment) that it's time to remember who I really am.

Because of her, my life steered a little out of place. And it's because of her too, that the more i wanted to help others. Maybe that's a bitter twisted fate.

Well, what God had prepared for me now, I don't know. May be somethings are not meant to be known, but to follow the path you believe in and God will guide you along the way.

Listen, the universe is talking to us. Kinda sense sadness right now, i think i know who is it, ciao~ =)

2009-09-09T20:43:00.002+08:00

Life's a simple, why not let be be simple?

Haha hey yohz peeps! Wheew finally able to changed my blog skin, it've been like a big catastrophe when i'm trying to change my blog's skin lahz. Posts went all over the place, navigations went haywire, it's as if Taiwan's typhoon hit my blog this time =D Well, finally get one good one and gonna stick with it! And also, HOW COME MOST FANTASTIC BLOG SKINS ARE DESIGNED BY GIRLS?! Maybe God became bias when it comes to creativity.

Well, I'm such a relieve to have changed my blog skin. Well, thinking that maybe i should be more responsible for my own health being and I should have a fresh good start. Actions speak louder than Words, isn't it?

Well, if having a kick at the stomach means feeling lousy, ths few days must have caused me badly beaten lahz. Firstly, I haven't been replying her for 2 days ald. Ok, maybe not that bad, since it's me who chose not to reply her! Haha ok, I know I'm the source of my own problem, but something just tell me not to disturb her anyway. Who m i anyway? Think she enjoys it somehow, I think. Then is just FOR GOD KNOWS WHY, i go see my Ex's blog again. Well, that is really a hard one and follow by a twist at my intestines.

It's always the hardest for me to see that there's so little of me, even if there's it's also of hate and disappointment, which makes me think that who m i really to her? Is my presence of no special to her? I didn't really know myplace in her heart at all. Maybe breaking up is the right thing after all.

Well, good thing next. Gonna meet up with khakis-es this week although my buddy's pretty sad case, gonna do duty during off day this fri ^^ haha, ok I know i'm evil, if it was me he will laugh at me anyway! =D Then still got CIP this sat, beneficiaries's children from SPASTIC CHILDREN'S ASSOCIATION of SINGAPORE; I will be loving! xD

Ok, gtg book in back camp again, ciao~ ^^

2009-09-05T18:45:00.004+08:00

Time to move on...

Hey yohz people!!! Gee, it's just so tired now, but still i gotta make this post, MUST!!!!! XD

Haha today i felt i ve done quite a meaningful thing! went over to Bishan Home to do a little volunteer, felt so achieving when every one keep asking me why do you wanna join us? haha all of them asked the same qn in different version:

"Why do you join us? Though people like you in ns should be enjoying on e Orchard Rd now lahz"

"Why do you wanna join us? There are like so many volunteer group ard lahz"

"Hey why do you wanna come? No friends ard mehz?"

I only gotta roll my eyes: first they think i'm a rich bimbo shopping Orchard Road every

week, Second they are so no confident in themselves and lastly is the worst, THEY THINK I NO LIFE!!!

Haha well, ok lahz, quite expected people will ask me this way lahz. Indeed really not much people in general will wanna join community service when finally it's weekends?!

But the reason I joined it's simply, maybe it's time for me to give something. Thinking so much so much, perhaps i've warned so many people about IMPOSTER SYNDROME, that i become a victim myself.

What have I been doing for my this few years? Have I been doing something meaningful into others life, or just simply mine?

when i looked at the vounteer leaders, her eyes filled with committment and focus. She's firm and determined in doing something she wants and i know she will achieve it.

Then what about me? Have i been doing good deeds to earn a good 'report card' for my life? I dunno.

Thinking of in jc, i can't help anyone much. The more i tries to help others, the more tired i becomes. Ended up after 2 years, many still haven't recovered from the hurt from their A level. Then i started to think of my ex, once I wish to help her for her A's, but it ended up screwing up everything, dunno she or i or mayb both, we were never happy since then. Now it's Anngi girl, living in her own dream which she own admits 'stupid' but i tihnk it's just selfless and senseless, and what i ve been doing all along is to thrash the dream that keeps her going. Mayb i should let her indulge in her own belief to clear A's first? Mayb i should let go.

Then like so far what good deeds have I done? Mayb it's gonne be a sub-pass.

Well, hope today pulled my 'grades' up a little, quite enjoyable though. Haha some faces seems so strange yet feels so warm lahz. Quite looking forward to the next sessiob next week.

Felt so relieved, maybe i'm born to walk alone. God bless the World, God love her please.

2009-08-20T11:01:00.002+08:00

Where m i and Where should i go?

Hey yohz ppl, hahaha it seems like me blogging once in a long long time has become a habit. Well, at least i still blogged right?! xD

Well, this time pretty lots of things happened. Firstly, maybe it's because you have put in a lot of effort into a relationship, letting it go has become so difficult. Well, these days dunno why have the urge to go see how's ex's doing, so took a peek at her blog. Seems like she's not doing so well, but, does it matter anymore? Ever since we broke up, mayb she had been living with more hope and enthusiasm, I wasn't even mentioned at all. Up till now, what is she doing, what is she doing who m i towards her, these so many many qn still do not have an answer yet. What have I been doing these 2 years? I dunno if does it even matters at all. Mayb still, it's a good thing we're separated anyway.

Then she came in. Few days ago i received a shock in my life when she said she'd been lying to me. Why, why did she have to lie to me? Didn't she trust me at all? It's cos of that it made me think of many things. She said she lied to me that she patched up last mth n just broke, and she lied to me cos i m motivation her n suppotive towards her. Who m i to her? Does that means I m of importance to her in fact? Or issit i m just a councellor to her? I dunno.

It's said that humans are animals of habits, but I think i really dunno what's going on now.

These few days have been pretty reluctant to msg her. she too, or less frequent at least. Thinking that if she's sad, she ll be sad over her Ex, i dunno how should i react. M i too good a person, too self-less? If this little pain can make her appreciate me more, I don maind too.

I like her as the person and i love her company. My reasons are that simple.

God bless the Earth.

2009-07-19T15:40:00.002+08:00

Reminiscence: It's all happening again?

Hey yohz ppl!! N hi bloggy... Rah! hahax it ve been such a long time since i last blogged lahz. Sheesh think i m blogging once per mth on average lahz. Haha sheesh but also can't blame me for tt, most of the time i'm so bored!! ok, at least ever since a'm single again...

Well, it's like ever since I'm single again, suddenly it seems I've the whole World lots of time for myself. Although I've that much of time, I don seems to know what to do with it. Luckily there re B'day gatherings these weeks, otherwise I must as well sell my weekends for weekend duty in camp lahz =D but heard system in there changed, think better don't...

Well, talking about single again, I wonder how she's doing. Actually I've contacted her a few weeks ago, sounds rather reluctant. Of cos she has to, I'm the guy wreaking the place anyway. Still, wonder how she's doing though *just CURIOUS!!!* Wonder if there's another guy she'll think of more. Think that will be better too. She don't seems to grow for the better with me anyway.

Mayb it's cos of that and now with another one, they made me feel that mayb I wasn't suppose to be with someone at all. It's like wth? Y God had to punish all women around me to suffer from mental distress and study pressure, ending up not even happy? Ok, mayb for her it's quite different. She knows what she wants and she's willing to fight for it. "just a little fall," I'll tell her, " you will fight again!" And she'll move on the next day, thats what i love about her, her spirit.

Despite our frequent exchange of smses, I'm still very confused towards her.

Few weeks ago, I happen to visit her facebook. Well, That's qn no.1 : How would 2 ppl know for sometime ald n didn't asked to xchange facebook? Mayb we can't be bothered :)

Then I saw the profile pix n it horrified me at tt instance *serious*: He took e pix with a guy. Now serious qn no.2: How would u wanna contact with another guy who u know tt he's after u when u're in a relationship (assuming tts her bf) ?!?!

Seriously, her that facebook nearly killed me. But well I've get over it.

If that's her bf, so what? if it isn't, still so what? Whether is he or not, I won't know and i won't wanna know. Even if she tells me he is, so what?

As there's so many qns and doubts flooding you, you'll come to realise that actually find that life is simple, it's we that're complicated!

It seems that whether is he or not she's still a student pursueing for her A's and I'm still in NS serving my time. whether what will happened I won't know but if worst comes to worst, I hope that guy would had treated her and cared for her or valued her more than i do, and I hope that's y she's with him.

Whatever will be, will be. I'm just doing my part. God bless and good luck! :)

Hamster

2009-07-10T23:29:00.001+08:00

2009-06-28T00:54:00.002+08:00

Ending a chapter with a New beginning: I'm Single again

Hmm actually I dunno if i should blogged abt this at all. I dunno how should I felt. Mayb it's my first break? Or mayb I ve no feelings for her at all? I quite disagree with the later though.

Hmm I have to admit that our relationship was rocky, dangerous and visionless right from the start. Right from the beginning, my guts already told me something was wrong, but dunno what. A year later both of us grew, or relationships grow into a barter trade, u give me this then i ll give u that. Not long later, the relationship turned into a domination: listen to me or i won't understand you.

Mayb it's our differences or mayb both of us re still young. Mayb time has changed us or mayb we have shanged so much that we forget to tell each other that we had. Till now I don even know which is which n how to start.

Too much too many problems, too much too many differences, too much too many ideas, values: domination, control, disappointment, stubborness. Hope she found someone who understand her better.

Move on. I've found someone new who understand me, i think. God bless us.

2009-05-31T12:16:00.002+08:00

INFERNO ON EARTH but yet still warm in the HEART

Hello people!!! Issit just me or the weather, everyday it's so warm and humid, it's e first time the weather's driving me crazy for such a long period!! The worst thing is, the crazy weather's not just in the day, but also in the night too! Now i even gotta sleep on the floor at home lahz, irritating! XS

That's why i'm so glad that i signed up for the workshop ytd on the ART of NETWORKING. To escape the heat, relaxing in the air-conned lounge *wheew...* But guess what? I'm the only kid there lahz! Sheesh!!

The experience i had there was totally embarrassing. Initially I was still filling with hope that there might be some youth entering into the class as i was the early bird, I was so paised when i was the only boy there among the Boss, Managers and Civil Servants lahz! Shucks! Didnt't a 19y/o ever thought of learning new things through workshops? Haax hmm or issit just me? Shhesh now i didn't even know if i'm thinking like a 19y/o :S

But one very important person that torched my heart with hope is one of the speaker, SAM. He's such big builded, that he towered over everyone in the class. Haax he's near his 40's =D

One thing so special about him is that he gave anyone achance to speak to him. I always thought that I'm just a kid, keep my mouth shut and leave the class when it ends. It's like, how much quality can words of a 19y/o be filled with when u 're conversing with an inspiring speaker, recently just moved into Singapore w/o knowing anyone, he must have been very talented and chrismatic, knowledgeable and wise, and also is a successful personnel?

"Age is just a number," he said,"So long as you know what you are saying and they make sense, there'll be someone listening to you. And watch-out for people who put a wet blanket on you too, never be put down by them."

Anyone who crosses your path is not by random, but by a reason

Yes Sam, i think i found the reason that we have met. I'll make sure i'll live up to my dreams soon. Thx for the speakers, u re GREAT!! =D

2009-04-17T16:52:00.002+08:00

See this!!!

Hey hello peeps!!! I can say this is the most inspiring and heart warming videos i've ever watched! So sad that i can't embed it into this post, but still do watch the video! =D

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9lp0IWv8QZY

In our minds, we have to honestly admit, subconsciously, our mind is wired that a physical appearance of a contestant is important and i will say i'm as surprised as the judges. Her performance can sent you spine tinggling yet heart warming, an unusual yet beautiful sensation that for no reason she bring tears into your eyes and you will agree that someone who doesn't understand english could actually felt the same way too. It's just amazing!

From her astounding voice, sings the bravest heart of a human being who overcome waves of mockery, cynicism and criticism and yet never gave up cos she knew and persisted to pursue what she wants.

This is the wake up call to everyone, including me, that the World can take everything away from you, but NEVER ur hopes and dreams.

From Not just a normal 'show and sing' video, but it can be the most inspiring image imprint in ur heart and a voice echoed in ur ears evertime you wish to give up.

2009-04-02T22:51:00.002+08:00

Women...

Haax hey peeps! Hahax just received a mail from my from a friend, hilarious...

Well, ladies, don get so worked up over it khz?? I know u all re not... CHEERS!! =D

2009-04-01T19:00:00.003+08:00

Lost Everything

Heex today is just simply so bored, didn't know now with so many leave ended up alone again... Haix! Worst of all, still fought with Dear over me sleeping late again. Hmm she does have her temper but wonder if she knew I didn't like that?? :S *Thinking...*

Today it just made me think more deeply and confirmed my theory: Ever since i entered Army, I lost everything. It was army that made me lost Everything. Took away my time, took away my friends took away me youth. Sometimes I just can't stop being negative, hate and fustrated, thinking how much more I could do if I'm freed. I just can't help thinking that as if I was trapped, imprisoned and violated to obey and respect the nature of NS and the call of country. Complicated, cos in a dilemma dislike yet still have to obey. Fustrated, cos of the little space I had left.

I think I had enough of containing the fustration and spending my boredom... Time to fill my own life. Color my World.

2009-03-30T20:57:00.002+08:00

Alive again

Hey yohz everyone!!! Haax finally back from Brunei trip le!!! XD Heex so grateful that the days in Brunei finally's over, still love my Home best!!!

Heex for the past 2 weeks, my days can be cruciating and enjoyable. Haax contradicting? I've turned into a masochist? Haax well, now let me explain...

First, the torturing part. As we know, Brunei is a tropical country. But what makes Brunei different from Singapore, is the dramatic change in the weather over our head EVERYDAY! Well, I ll describe the weather in Brunei is somewhere a combi of genting highlands and Wallaby (YES!!! THE WEATHER CAN BE THAT EXTREME!!) In the morning before daybreak, fairly thick mist will start to float eeriely over the entire land, smoking the place as if there's some secrets that the land doesn't wanna show. Haax but hey, chill, no horror related stuff took place, the mist diminished into thin one when light started to cut through the dark. Thats the genting highland part. Wallaby part? Well, you gotta wait till 12. For the whole afternoon, the country started to toast. To make things worst, it's humid too! So the feeling is much like being a fishball stuck in a microwave, it's torturing :D Then before evening, lightning will tear across the sky and dark clouds will secretly ambushed you, rain will ambushed you after the scorching weather. Dramatic? Yes, exciting whenever we re out in the field... Much like being played by God XD

As for the enjoying part? Hmm it turn out that one will always feel good after days of torture (?) :D Eventually when I looked back to the trainings, wake up at 4 desspite being in camp with endless field trainings and practises, the sense of achievements will touched your heart at the end of the day. Like what many who went there will say, Brunei trainings reveal ones true self and after one went there, there's nothing you will face more challenging than Brunei gave.

Hmm well, what I wanted to do now is just to play my psp, catch up with my Dear, although I know that I'm 5 days lagging behind her every week on EVERYTHING, I still gotta make sure I'm around for her. Hmm relax, chill, mayb recharge a bit for the working next week again.

Heex, talking about date, just 6 more mths to go. Wanna be my true self soon... cheers!! :D

2009-01-11T19:26:00.004+08:00

Backache! Shoulder-ache! Headache!

Hello World! Haax felt so guilty didnt wish everyone a New Year, but i was LAZY khz!!! Haax such honest reply... XD Haax ok ok, partially cos it's just a new year, I still serving my NS isn't it? Think my I'll ROAR at e World during my ORD than any New Year XD

Hey but today i'm so at cloud nine!!! Haax accomplished so much things today! (so many stuff tt i gotta termed it uncountable - 'much') Haax wow actually me myself is quite surprised tt I managed to clean my 2 piece of wall and many cupboard for the whole day, no sweat! Heex mayb it's the 10-10 12h rest ytd night tt do the trick, so satisfied with my accomplishment!!

Heex more satisfying, I managaed to put e puzzle cube back!

From...

To...

Haax wow cool right!! Haax I'm just so smart... XD

Haax ok ok, mayb the hunger's driving me nuts. Well, it just feel so good when everything's under control. Well, hope to blog again with such delightful energy!

Happy New Year!

p.s Dear, your blog's beautiful! XD Wanna chg to a skin as beautiful as urs... X)

2008-12-06T22:40:00.001+08:00

A missing puzzle piece

Hey yohz every~body! Haax finally back to blog le. Heex sry ya all for e late entry, hope ya all won't mind?? ^^ Hmm but this time no matter how enthusiastic I'm to share with ya things over the blog or thinking how relieved I'll be after telling out my heart, this time the emptiness will stay with me, till my dear comes back...

Heex think it's very misleading that makes u think something terrible had happened between both of us? Haax well, don't worry, nothing had happened, it's just my dear left for hong kong yesterday. It was suppose to be a enjoyable trip, left with a cheerful departure. But part of me feels that both of us are separated with a painful reluctance.

Perhaps it was when dear dear was about to leave, that it made me think more clearly about us. Seriously, it was heartbreaking trying to cheer her up whenever she sounds sad about leaving for the trip, because I felt the same way too. She meant a lot to me. It was as if both of us were like a siamese twins (?) just that both of us were a couple: we sticked to each other - we do things togather, we enjoyed every moment together, we chat we played... We sticked to each other even closer tighter even after we fought we argued. And I even told her both of us were inseparable in hearts even if we were to be separated by distance. It's true. Although she had just left for 1 day and most probably had enjoyed her first day in Hong Kong, i had missed her very badly. It was as if she had left for a year and I'm still waiting for her return.

Now without her presence, perhaps it was the feeling that both of us had broke up and I will never want to ffeel that way. There is a hole in my heart, only can be filled up by someone and is waiting for her to fill it up for me. My heart is not complete, my life is not complete without her. Every moment I've been thinking about her, wondering if she's safe, wonder if she's taking care of herself, especially when she's so sensitive to cold weather and Hong Kong is at an average of 13~15 'C now. Every now and then I'll do prayers for God to bless her an enjoyable and safe trip. Looks like for this week, I'll miss her voice, miss her presence, miss her company. I'll miss her care, miss her warmth, miss her love.

Yet no matter how terrible it felt, I'll still take care of myself, it's the promise i made with her, and I'll.

When people say that:

One will only learn to cherish when it's gone

I do not believe it. Cos I've already cherish her effort and heart to be in a relationship with me since the start, it's just that everyday I love her deeper and miss her more.

Dear, I miss you. I'll be right here waiting for you... Bless you ^^

2008-11-06T22:25:00.005+08:00

BYE!!... Ticket???

Haax just to add, these are my air tickets to and from Aus. Hope I won't be arrested for displaying it:

Ok, one of the tickets is fading and I'm going to dispose both. BYE TICKETS!!! :D

2008-11-06T20:05:00.004+08:00

Check it out!!!

Hey yo guys!!! I'm finally back from Aus!!!! Haax well ok~ I'm already back ald, and some others must be thinking "Ohh... so he went to Aus(?) ". Haax well, nvm :D

Hey these few days dear dear is having her A's and I've been become pretty busy too. Well, She needs a good guy to see her reached home safely right?? :D Haax ok, just thick-skin again. BUT thats not the point of today's post. Today's post is about putting Ad over the poles at commin bus stop. Well you might not have notice, recently, my place's especially, the people had get bored of the brown/grey color of the bus stop pillar and started to put some "wallpaper" to deco it. Well don't understand? Here it is:

Haax well you might think that this is just a normal ad at the bus stop, but have you ever wonder how the person who cleaned the bus stop scraping off the pieces yeswterday would think? Now I started to think how come the taxes in S,pore will start to increase. Haax however, other than these annoying vandalism, someone tries to get creative:

Haax someone has tries to make the place more 'hip-hop'? Well, I wonder how do you find it, but if I think that every bus stop has such a thing, it's definitely more meaningful than the before one. Every bus stop might become an unique place. Credit to this stranger :D

2008-10-05T19:40:00.003+08:00

Time Machine!!!!

Haax Helloe everybody!!! How's everyone doing??? Hey if ya ppl are bored, do contact me noe khzz!! Heex partially cos these few days i'm on off, hence will be superbly bored. On the other hand, I'll be off for one month to Aus soon!! Tues!!

Well, apart from the tormenting feeling that as if I'm counting down my days, mayb I'm thinking what will i be like when I'm in the 50's - 00's? Haax well, try it out urself:

www.yearbookyourself.com

haax... Life's never been the same. Introducing to you 1960's... Whoever he is. As far as I know, he didn't exist =X Haax...

2008-09-27T22:38:00.007+08:00

周传雄!!!

Haha Hey yohz people!! Whoa suddenly time seems so fast, it seems like days since i last posted my previous post? Haha well that's great as time pass so fast... Wans it to past faster. *Haix* Going overseas training next month, hence friends don be sad if u can't get me thru k? Will be back on NOV, definitely... *laughs*

Haha but before I go, let me intro u some of the greatest hits of one of my favourite singer. It was a few weeks ago I brought dear dear to go sing K-box as to give her some joy since she wanted to go so badly. We sang out hearts out initially, but we ended up singing like zombies near the end. Haha then i fall in love with this singer...

Well, mayb you've not heard of him, it's not surprising. I remembered seeing his album 4 years ago? And then he hit the entertainment arena hard. Heard he's already producing album since my mum's time but in another name. Rumours that his previous name didn't pull him up... Well, guess his name then? He's none other 小剛.

Ladies and Gentleman... Let me bring to you... 周传雄 :D

周传雄 - 男人海洋

青花

蓝色土耳其

2008-09-01T15:24:00.009+08:00

HELLO!!

Hey yohz ppl!! Haha well, this is not a story post, hence don't be disappointed k???? Just suddenly feel like posting this MTV, ENJOY! :D

Dear dear, hope I've a voice like him, wish to sing it to you. But hope you'll see this post!

just for you...

Fall for you by Secondhand Serenade.

2008-08-30T22:42:00.002+08:00

My heart never dies

Hey world! Haha hmm dunno why felt such a relief sometimes to blog... Haha may be my blog has became a trashbin for me to throw out all the trash?? Haha it seems that everytime I seems to have difficult problems then i will blog too... But this time I have something to share with the world too ;)

Today I had just went out with dear dear. For the past few weeks she just had her exam. Honestly, Everytime when i received her sms during that period, I don't feel ok at all. Everytime she would sounds joyful, relax and confident, but I know she's feeling very lousy. And it's so that I always feel the pain in my heart to reply her in a positive manner, cos I know she isn't and there's nothing I can do about it. I feel so useless...

Hence I planned today especially for her to enjoy and relax. Booked a badminton court for her last week and wanted to spend the whole day just with her. But think the exams are too hard for her, today was a rough day for both of us. well, to be fair for her, I do not wish to disclose what happened, but i only wish to say that it's that that made me so confused. I do not know if I should say it's not my fault or should I be understanding and forgive her despite me suffering in pain? Although till now there is still friction between both of us, I believe everything will be resolved very soon.

Because no matter what happened, I know that she had her own reason. And I want to be by her side facing everything. And I still trust her, cos I still love her very much too.

Dear dear, no matter what happens, things sure will turn better de. Cheer up k? Hope to hear some cheerful words from you... Without ur encouragements, there will never be peace even in the sunny days. Only ur smile will warm my world, even in the heaviest rain.

Things will turn better de. I believe it will. For I love her, it will. Dear i love you...

God bless :)

2008-08-16T10:43:00.003+08:00

A smile on the face with a hatred in my heart

Hey yo everyone! Think everyone must be suspecting my blog is permanently closing? Especially when there's so many complains about any updates in my tag :P

Well, just that these few months have been a busy season. I still remember last month when my Enchik tells us: This week is going to be a slacking week for you, hence do take care of yaself... *blah blah*, all of us were roaring with joy that finally there's a resting period for us! However the celebration ends when some skeptics went to see the timetable after the briefing and to our horror we see the word... FIELDCAMP!! WOOWWW!!! High man... skeptics win. Now then we realised they can't say e prog sux and we will have to bite our tongues and noded with agreement to everything they tell us. I think the commanders are biting their tongues when they saay it's a slack week too...

Haha Hmm another reason that I have detached myself from blogging, other than both mentally and physically exhausted every book out, is that it seems after in thee army for so long, I have learnt not to speak. I came across a saying printed at our hall entrance:

Learning is to listen more than you speak.

However with nearly half a year in the army, I'll say living is to listen more than you speak. In the army, no matter how great you are, eventually when the higher authority speaks, you will have to follow. I have no intention to rebuke their opinions anyway. However, I notice such a phenomenon that some of them will form up gangs and regard themselves as higher authority among us, which made me felt disgusted and absurd. Many of us criticised them is lazy, unmotivated, remanding gangsters. And looking at some of the lifestyles they are having, it gives me creeps and I always believe that it just happened majority of such people are confined into this camp. Yesterday a minor conflict was brought up with now the whole platoon knows about it. I'm convinced that they will gang up together this time to bully my new section-mate. And I know there'e nothing we can do.

There have been many of such incidents but i know this is different. When I saw him he reminds me of myself 5 months ago when I challenged an ah-neh in camp. Now I'm constantly in disturbing shit while there's nothing I can do. Pray hard that 2 years are fast, just like what my commanders said.

Hence I'll conclude that living in this world is hard and cruel. Especially when you have landed at the wrong place in the wrong time. But i always believe that these are just temporary. One day eveything will retribute back to them. And hence I believe, they're just making themselves more weaker and us more stronger. What goes around comes around...

They will always see me giving them a bright smile to welcome them... And only my buddies know, I smiled with a hatred in my heart, just like they do.

2008-06-09T00:27:00.007+08:00

Wonderful world

Hey ya ppl! It has been quite some time since i blogged le, seems like even dear dear also complaining my blog getting dusty without frequent maintainance ;P Hahaha actually I prefer to blog when I'm troubled, hence hope I don have to blog that frequent!

Well this week has been pretty rough for me. Many misunderstandings happened between me and others, resulted in many little friction these days. One of it happened in camp and I believe what happened in camp should be settled in camp, hence do not wish to discuss it here. Then I will talk about another then :)

I should say I'm quite at fault for assuming too many things. In fact today happened to be my friend's birthday. It happen a few days ago when one of them contacted me asking me if I'm free this sun, which is today. I replied "ok, I'm free :)" then hope to keep in contact. I waited for some updates, expecting it to be very soon because I will be out for field camp on wed and thurs, hoping that I still can find company to replace sun IF the celebration was cancelled. Waited and waited, it was till fri that I haven't received anything, then I assumed it was cancelled. My BIG mistake. Because I could not convince my parents to excuse myself from Family day, I dated my another company and Alo! Here comes the details on Sat night. I know this situation sux, cos I forced myself stuck in between and it feel sux.

One hand I can't cancel the thing I organised, another because I assumed it is cancelled hence I'm still expected to attend the celebration. Furthermore it was a gathering with old buddies, one that I've looked forward for long long time, so do they. Unfortunately I ve to bit on and not able to absent from the celebration.

When one say life is about choices then I will say it does feel bad even if you made the right choice.

I was guilty to ve pang seh them, furthermore disppoint them. Hope things can turn better, next time should contact them more. Sorry guys, especially Eliz, not able to join ya ppl today:

Happy Birthday Eliz!

On another hand, to day wasn't that bad too. Haha just went over to watch KUNG FU PANDA in the afternoon and CHRONICLES OF NARNIA just now. Haha I know it sounds super insane, and I agrees, but it was enjoyable, especially both were with ones who I loved most. It gave me so much warmth and acceptance, that typw of security and belonging that I never felt before in camp. So much for army... So wish things can get better, wanna feel this way always.

Thank you my dearest family and close ones, thank you for today. Thank God for letting me live to feel it too. I love ya... ;)

2008-05-18T23:53:00.002+08:00

Tough time don't last, tough man do!

Hey ya everyone! haha think it has been the long long time i last blog le. Shucks didn't noticed that the last time i blogged was New Year, no wonder it's so dusty here (?) *cough cough* XD

Haha ok ok, put all the lame stuff aside, back to blogging. Well honestly, time seems to have flew past real fast since the day I last blogged. It was especially when I was re-posted to my new camp as rifleman and it's since then my life since to ve undergo a 360' change.

Now in my new camp, they followed a new system here. During one of the earlier weeks, the commander wish to welcome all of us, although I'm of those minority that posted into the camp with others stayed since their BMT, and he said to us:

over here we followed a different system, a system in which commanders and man do everything together and the difference is just the responsibilities, unlike BMT which Sergeants are treated like kings and Officers treated like God

*laugh laugh* haha I can't believe he actually said that but it was true hence I wish to be posted out from there so desperately. Now I enjoy a new life here, like as if I was given a second chance.

However, when chances are given, how prepared are you to take that chance? I can tell you all of them in side are either IPPT Silver or at least a pass, I'll have became a minority since I failed my IPPT. Those people there don't run, they fly. Well, still a long long way to go.... :p

At first, still pretty like the place. There I'll gotta book out at fri night and book in a Sun night, which meant I can spend my sat with dear dear. but then Now I'm involved into the National Day activity whcih burn off my weekends. I could not bear to see her cry, see her disappointed face...

Still remembered few weeks ago spent a sat especially with her to celebrate her b'day in advence with her. I'll gotta admit it's not a big one but enough for both of us. I couldn't forget the joy she had when we light up a mini "b'day cake" and the feeling of seeing her in joy when she thank me for the day. I really wish she really stays this happy not just for her birthday, but for her everyday...

Many things had changed and many still yet to change. I always believe that it's just for this 2 years, it'll be over soon. but what I most worried is, will she be able to take it?

I told her before, this is what every man has to go through.

Tough time don't last but tough man do.

Fighting the spitit within, for the things and people I love. One of them is dear, I love you *muahz*

2008-02-10T10:04:00.000+08:00

Happy Lunar New Year!!!

Hey people!!! Happy Chinese New Year!!!

Haha alright, I know I'm a bit lag, but forgive me at least I blogged right?!

This Festive season is definitely an enjoyable one. May be it's because I've been stucked in an island for too long?? Well, either way, hope everyone of ya enjoyaed this festive season too!

This Year I didn't gotta go back to m'sia. Hmm is that suppose to be sad? I dunno... I only know my relatives at M'sia pretty disappointed about it. Everytime when my mummy's ard, the atmosphere never fail to liven up! Not exaggerating, the place can roar from day to night! Haha no doubt that my mummy will gets excited when gathered with her siblings once a year too, even I'll gets excited! But thinking of booking in, sianz... Well, back to New year!! XD

This year, there seems to have many changes too. Haha 'suddenly' two more cousin has bacame a mummy and have more niece and nephew! To think about it, it's either a sign that I'm getting old or it's the generation gap thats why i've so many niece and nephews. I still insits is tha generation gap!!

Well, talking about them, they made me learnt something. They amde me learnt about the importance of a family. Still remember one of my cousin (guy), the last time I remember seeing him, he just had his first child, happy 'gang ho' young man, like nothing can extinguish his fire within. Oh ya, heard he's an officer in the army too! Few days ago, he paid us a visit together with other cousins (most of them married except one engaging soon >.< ) and his second child too! Just a few years, he now looks much... err... more mature :) Use to feel his fire burning, now I can feel he HAVE TO keep his fire burning. Heard he's a army REGULAR now!! Wow...

It's after seeing them then I now knows why my mummy always tell me to study hard. Although most of the time the more I kept quiet the more she nagged, now I know what she's trying to tell me. It's the lesson of priorities that she's trying to teach. She might emphasise the importance of studies and work and financial stability before marriage, I know she's tryingt o teach priorities, shich I'm always blinded by pride that I know it. Seeing them, I can tell most of the faces that they might think they had started it off a little early. Still manageable, but better if a little later. Paying taxes insurance properties then follow by child's welfare future school fees etc... Even for me, yup it's scary. Unless you do not know which one comes first, life can be a little easier. So what my mummy advice me: Do what you have to do now first, others leave it till later :)

It's priorities that one of the difficult lessons in life. These coming few months, or at least until Dear's A'level, there will be a little bit of adjustments. Haha but no worries, not any bad things happened, but to allow more good things to happened. Basically it is for us to do the RIGHT things and the CORRECT things. These few days there have been many changes for me since I entered army, altough not that I'm still use to it. Yet that does not give me the reason not to think about others too. It after this festive season then I realised that how selfish I'm. Everytime I will tell others to do stuff, leading? Yeah do my work. Everytime I 'll tell dear I'll help her, did I? Didn't really understands her work thoroughly too. Soon every week I'll be looking at her assignments too le, sounds like a parents? Yeah maybe, but now a bf doing it.

My mummy met dear and talked to me about her before, not that she knows our relationship too.

She said: she's still a young girl, with a study look. She can even be studying in the uni, honours or sth she likes. If you are a good man, do focus her work with her or just do sth [even if it made her a little stress] . She might not understands now but one day when she grows up, she will know if what you did is right or wrong. Help her to uni, that's what i should do now.

Yup, long story, but I agree too. Suddenly I felt, unkowingly a responsibility had fallen onto my lap long time ago. Now there's no way I can deny but she indeed has to get into uni and I'll have to help her if I love her.

Dear, there are many things which I told you or about to do you might not understand, but eventually I just wanted to do the right thing. Mayb you might find me talking like a parent now, trust me, soon after studies you will understand everything. Dear I love you...

Nothing is more important then doing the right thing.

Although it's hard, if I love her, it worth the try. We will do the right thing. No matter eventually where you ended up, at least we did the right thing.

Wish all the best for this New year! happy festive season!!

[song: almost here by Delta Goodrem and Brian Mcfadden]

2008-01-28T09:29:00.000+08:00

Tears of the SUN

Hey ya people! I'm back! Haha so happy that I've booked out after another 2 weeks of confinement due to field camp. Well, our performance and discipline might not be up to standard during the field camp, but the field trip is indeed an unforgetable experience! Although I should be happy that I'm finally that field trip's over, it sucks that now I'm down with fever again.

Sometimes I feel so weak, so weak in everything. Can you imagine, a person that is 18 serving the gang ho ns and fall ill every week?? Mild food poisoning the other time and fever now? I feel so weak...

Other than that, I feel so weak because I always dunno how to console my dear dear whenever she needed help. Recently I just read her blog, then I realised how hard she's living these few days without me knowing. Maybe it's her character or she might not wants me to worry, she'll rather wish to blog it out than telling me. Hey peeps, I'm not blaming her in anyway here, I respect this as it might helps her to release the stress too. Actually she tells me or not, so long at the end of the day I knows that she tucked in her bed with a smile with a smile, I'll know my prayer works, I'll thanked god for loving her and at least I'll feel better for that day.

There are many things I want to do for her, some say it's hard to give the one you love happiness: yet no matter how hard it is, I only need a chance, for in the end she loves it thats most important.

Nothing is more rewarding than her sweet little smile.

I'll ve to admit that this year is gonna be a tough one for her. Dear dislike study, or at least study at this workload. Yes it's true that she can say that the world do not understand how stress and how presurrizing i can get because I'm not her totally too. Sometimes I felt useless whenever i see her so stressed up with her work yet there's nothing I can do. I only hope there's at least something I can do, whatever it is, so long she feel less miserable, it all worth it.

Dear dear, don give up k? You can work hard and study slower, it's definitely better than giving up. If ya's tired go take a rest first k? It's alright, tomorrow will be a better day.

Tomorrow will be a better day: dear I love you, love you with my life. May God love her like he love all his children. May she lived happily ever after...

2008-01-13T10:11:00.000+08:00

HOPE

So fast, i've already completed my 1st month of BMT le. I'm so glad that time had past so fast, especially with all the tormenting trainings that had gone through and all the huge emotional challenges which one had to face to undergo huge change in adaptation. Such a relief that 1st month to go, well, 2 more to go.

Early in the morning I woke up, for some reasons, I wanna go back to bed again. I so wish that one day I'll be able to sleep on that bed every night, spending the rest of my life with the ones i love and the things i like. Indeed everything seems so peaceful, happily ever after, never wanting to go back to that army life again. Yet I know, it's never possible. Although now I'm not feeling the reasons why I should enlisted into NS, i know every man had to undergo the NS such that we can call this land our home, such that this land can be free. It's NS that boys are trained into man, knowing what hardships really are, that boys are now aware and must be able to overcome such a pressure, retaining the sense of hope and perserverence to press on. It's also NS that teaches boys what hardships are really like, that after u are a man, never let the ones u love suffer such a hardships in their life.

Indeed, it's hope that presses me on. Everyday we will undergo vigorous trainings, a lifestyle which even the fittest never likes. Everyday we will be doing the same thing, till we are tired of it. Yet I'm glad that I'm enlisted into NS: because it's now that I'm enlisted, that I now knows what hardships really felt, that I promised myself when the day I stepped out of it, I will never let my loved ones suffer any hardships.

When I was folding my uniform just now, suddenly there was a mixed emotions. Soon I'll be going into field camp in a few days time and it's regarded as the final exam of the BMT. We all know, and even warned "that the field trip was both memorable experience and can be full of
sh*t". Well, after hearing this who will not starts worry what on earth is going to happen? eventually the more i looked at my uniform, the more the storms started to shroud over me...

Once, I asked my beloved one: dear, are you proud that I'm enlisted into NS? Are you proud that you loved a man who can only be by your side once a week?

I was surprised when she replied: Silly boy, of cos i'm proud of you. At least I know that you bravely enlisted and press on in the NS, rather than some others who find all means to escape from it. you're brave, I'm very proud of you.

Dear, thank you for everything you've done for me. It's you that had gave me hope and aims in my life. Although many times you might tell me that you had done nothing, it's the simplest little things that you had done for me, filled with sincerity right from the heart that I'm touched by. There are amny times in which you might not realise, that little talks with you gave me huge insipartions and hope in my life that teaches me to press on. Dear I'm so proud that I've known you, even more that now I'm your bf.

Believe after this things will gets better especially knowing that she's doing better in her studies too. believe that if she presses on, she will excel.

Dear, must press on k? believe you will make it.

It's her that gave me the hope in life: may there be one day that I'll be able to give this hope happiness and love, for I only hope that we will love each other forever and ever.

Dear I love you. What we all need is HOPE...

2007-12-31T22:04:00.000+08:00

HEART, MIND and SOUL

Hey ya guys!!! Ahhh today is such a relaxing break. Now finally realised how precious everyday is!

Haha think the road march for the past few days is super xiong. Today woke up my whole body cramped lah! Thigh aching, back aching, shoulder also aching... So shiok! Haha trying to psycho myself, my muscles are growing!

Later in the day went out with dear dear to go K-ing. Haha yes i know i'm not that singing type, but well, knowing that she enjoyed herself, that's most important. Haha it's an enjoyable session anyway! First time sing before so many songs... Male singer, female singer... Even mixed singer also sing! Haha during the session we sang QIAN LI ZI WAI by Jay and Fei Yuqing. Tell ya, it's so comical lahz! Dear will sing those by Jay, then those by Fei Yuqing? I'll have to take it lahz! Now I hate him, sang at such a high tune! That song sure made me feel 30 years older now.

Well, today we sure had fun. Dunno why had such a courage to do such silly thing (which eventually turns out fun), despit it costs us a bomb. Maybe it's time I should try something new, perhaps it's time i learn something from dear. Haha sometimes should learn to have fun bahz. Thanks dear!

Most importantly, Dear dear had fun today. Soon I'll be enlisted again, but I know surely day by day will pass very fast. Because I know, there's at least one girl waiting for me to come out. I'd promised myself that even it's just an hour a week, I must give her happiness for that hour, for her bravery, I will. For she deserves it.

For with my HEART, MIND and SOUL, one day I'll be a man to protect the ones and things I love. Training to be soldiers.

Thank you dear, despite we're distant apart, our hearts are closer than ever, for dear dear I love you.

Happy New Year everyone! Ask for my blessings, thx!!! ^^

Hope can hear dear sings this song again, her singing is the sweetest on this piece: YUE YA WAN - FIR

2007-12-30T22:35:00.000+08:00

Tough time don last tough man do!

Hey world!!! Haha I'm so relieved that finally booked out again le! Although this break is quite short, well it's better than nothing still X)

Well, when I first get home I read my dear's blog. It seems that dear dear is starting to get use to our lifestyle. Although I'm feeling glad for her, I still feel a little sad over it. Still remembered our last outing when I was going to be enlisted, her tears wet my shoulder and I can only convinced her that this 2 years soon will be over. Then on our previous outing, the same thing happened again, yet that time is different. That time I know how hard it can really be, how far we can really be away, how badly both of us can miss each other. I can only pat her head and silently looked at her.

Sometimes I felt so helpless. Sometimes I still tell her that no matter what happens, I'll be the first person to appear to stay with her. Yet I felt so helpless in camp. Although I just left for Tekong, at times when I heard she had problems, I could not be there. Even worst is the pain knowing that she will be staying at home, alone needed company, yet I will be out having training. So negative, so pessimistic.

I once asked my Sergeant: am I weak?

You are not weak when you are worried over small matters, you are just concerned. You will only be weak when you think you are weak.

I've never met that wise man before, yet I'm totally convinced with him. You are who you think you are, not by others or by anything. Everyone has their own strength and weaknesses. So do I. Perhaps even though I've accepted the fact that I'm now NSF, I'm still having difficulties letting go certain things. The more I tell myself Dear dear will take care of herself, the more I'll worry about her. Perhaps now it's that time that I should be convinced that Dear dear really can look after herself bah. Needs time, more time.

This few days everyone in my platoon is going super high, so time fly pretty fast. Next one even better, heard booking out in 3 days. This time I'll be strong, for the country, for our freedom, for myself and for her. If now I couldn't even look after my own self, how am I going to look after her in the future? Furthermore I've promised her not to think so much, should keep the sacred words too.

Now knowing dear dear's having ther own programmes to occupy herself, I should be glad too. Honestly, somehow I stil feel somethings dear dear still didn't wanna tell me. Still, I'll not force her to, I'll have to give her space. For all I know, if she is to tell me anything, my ears will always ready, for her.

Heard other platoon shouting this after water parade, perhaps 2 yrs really will be in a blink of an eye. I love her very much, know she'll look after herself. There shall be Faith and Hope.

Tough time don't last, tough man do!

Dear I love you, my heart will always be with you.

May everyone be enlightened with faith and hope. I believe... Dear I'll be with you down this endless road :)

2007-12-22T22:03:00.000+08:00

Bravery in my Tears

Hey ya all!! finally it's my first book out! Haha for every moment in camp I always tell myself I'll can;t wait to come out, now finally I'm free! But sadly, I'll ve to be book in on X'mas night, shucks spoiler. Well, for now gotta cherish every moment happening now!

Actually I'm very happy during my first book out. Although Dear might not be the first person I met after my book out, I'm still able to catch up with her during the next day. Though after today I'll ve to date her againafter my next book out, I cherished every seconds we were together. For some reasons, everytime when spent out with her, time seems to pass so fast, yet those in camp pass by so slowly...

Firstly, I'll like to thank my dear dear for always being with me throughout this difficult time. Still remember the first few nights of the camp, I'll silently shed tears as I call her at night. It was later that I realised she in fact trying hard not to cry too. I really miss her, and I always do. Since the first day we have been together she had became a very important person in my life. She is just like the torch that lit up my heart in the dark, the light house to guide the lost ship or the gentle warm breeze by the beach: she's my everything. Every night I call her I'll uncontrollably cried silently as I misses her badly.

Still remember when I sought advice from my first SERGEANT:

You should look forward to the book out everyday, instead of looking at how miserable you are now.

That does not help much, as i misses dear dear even more each day. Then I found the COMMANDER:

You are even luckier than me for you even have a gf waiting for you outside. You should call them tell them how much you miss them even when you were to cry, for they misses you too.

Still, not that enlighten, till I spoke to my bunkmate:

If you love her, you should focus on your work now so you can call her tonight. Tell her honestly how much you miss her and how you felt for what a girl wants to her from their bf is not sweet words but those from the heart.

He've been such a great help. Although I still felt sad in camp, at least it made me feel better.

Still remembered when dear dear weeped silently in my arms the day before I'm enlisted, I told her to be strong and be brave. Now I understands it was not easy. And now I know, and should tell her, to shed tears is not wrong. Simply in camp was hard, not the lifestyle I wanted. At the same time missed dear dear s gentle touch and sweet voice. The gentle touch in which convinced me that no matter what happens there will be someone to be with me, the sweet voice that convinced me she will be around. Today she cried again. Helplessly I can only promised her that I'll get for her something to cheer her up, for at least she had something to look forward to. I know, soon i'll be in camp again, it'll be my turn.

To think about it i never hated camp. For there's nothing I should hate at all. For it was everyday that I worry about my dear dear that I cried. Dunnno if she's doing well outside, dunno if she's enjoying her day with friends, wonder if she's safe, wonder is there anyone bullied her shilw i'm not ard. So many doubts so many worries that everntually I broke down. Worst of all, I even worried that one day she might not take it that she might left me.

Eventually I'm so touched when every night she will tell me that she looks forward to my book out. For once I felt that I'm the luckiest man, even better than my COMMANDER. Despite the hardships both of us is facing, both of us might cried silently while missing each other, emotionally she's strong. Sometimes she's even better than I do, in her heart she;s strong and brave. Yet in camp I'm thinking of such silly things. This gives me energy to be strong, never to be paranoid. Even if i breakdown again, I shed tears with dignity cos everything I do in camp is for the best for her, so wanna do her proud.

Right now I only have one thing, is that she will stay happy for the rest of the days. to think in the long term, I wish that she will be there with my parents during my POP. Today I spoke to my mummy about her and they even met, she's alright with it.

May heaven bless her, for everyday I'll shed tears with bravery like her. If in the future we will live happily ever after, for this little hardship is all worth it.

Dear, no matter what happens, darling will be facing it with you. Don be too sad over it le k? I love you always... I'll make you proud.

2007-12-04T20:43:00.000+08:00

Lord bless us, He will

Time flies really fast, so soon that I'll be enlisted in 2 days. Indeed there's a little fear in me - phobie that I'll lose my status and insecurity in to an uniform camp, yet even if I feel that way that will not change my day of enlistment either. I will rather be a big man, face it and enlisted on that day with others.

There will be things which I'll miss. One of those is my bed. Wonder if the bed there will be comfy as my house. One thing for sure they do not have afternoon nap. Well, I'll ended up sweaty on my bed in the afternoon anyway, think Tekong's more cooling?

Then I'll miss my friends. They are those who had stepped in my life: though some stayed, some had left. For those who had left, I send equal blessings to thier happiness in life. Yet regardless whether they are still with me or not, I still wanna thank them. Thank you for stepping into my life. Whether we started out as good buddies or ended up separated, it was u all that shaped me into who I'm. It was u all that trained and teach me the principles of life: what is teamwork what is peer support, what is enthusiasm and what is disappointment. Soon in Army I'll be mentally challeged, yet with these basic principles living within me, I know I'll mixed equally well in the army community too. First Thank to my friends.

Second I'll miss my family. In fact I won have anything to say much cos they are cruel: parents who can't wait to see me go army, a mother is so enthusiast than me till to the extent in which there s no difference from her joy now seeing me go army and struck lottery, and a sister who even more than happier for me to go army cos she wans me to experience the joy of camping in being a hardcore camper like her. Think she deserves to go Army too - hidden talent. Well, it was my family that taught me the meaning of life and now it is soon that these teaching will be put to practice. Second thanks to my family.

Lastly, not to be missed, I'll miss my beloved dear dear. My dear dear as never fails to stand beside me. If I'm the shield she will be the sword, if I'm the rain she will be the wind and if i'm liang shan buo she 'll be zhu ying tai. There's no words to describe my affection for her. Whenever I see her hurt, I felt the hurt too. Always thinking that there had to be something that I can do for her to cheer her up. Now time not much left, I hope if I don have the chance to say these to her at least she might read my blog and say it:

Dear dear, thank you for being my beloved girlfriend. Actually i should thank you for stepping into my life at all! I'm so proud of having u as my gf: no matter how others look at you, must remember that it was how you see yourself that is important most. Everyone is meant for something. Some are meant to do big things yet some are meant to do the smallest. Yet in fact it was you that define what you are meant to be. Believe in yourself in what ever you do and go all for it, so long as it is what you want it to be. Darling will belive in you. There are so many things to tell you, but if I were to list everything, it will be even longer than my 6 pages history essay. most important now is to let you know that No matter what happens darling s heart will always be with you, for now. I believe that one day Darling will learn the magic and appear when dear dear needed someone most. I'll lend you my shoulder to lie on when u needed one, be the helping hand to catch you when u are about to fall, the gentle smile to share your joy. Look forward to that day can? Believe. Dear, I love you. I'll come out soon, wait for me.

Loving you is one of the happiest moment in my life and being loved by you is the most enjoyable moments in my life.

*muahz* Dear dear I love you, I'll miss you. Thank you for being with me. I'd done the right thing in choosing you as my gf: I'm so proud - I love you. This Song is for you.

Hope thy lord will bless upon us. There are many things for us to learn, for all of us.

What important most is eventually we have don the right thing and it is what we wants.

May lord bless upon Earth, He will...

2007-11-27T10:39:00.000+08:00

Roll of Thunder Hear my Cry

Still remember this literature text, potraying from one Black American family's view the Blacks were discriminated by the Whites, in terms of Socio-status and even at the end, by law. The title signifies the agony of the race, under suspression and injustice, unable to voice their rights and suffered from discrimination.

Well, GP was over, of course i was not going to talk abt discrimination here.

My dear is very unwell lately, recurring fever every evening, can't eat well, can't rest well, even throw up everything consumed. She even visited the doctor thrice yesterday night in 2 days, had a jab.

I was heartbroken to see her suffering like this. Everyday cannot rest well and recover from illness so slowly. Every now and then she ll sms me telling me how she felt. It was so painful:

Indeed it was true - pain at the heart is more agonising than the pain on self.

Now only hope that she can get well soon.

Dear don worry about not accompanying me during my break, what matter most now is to see you get well, then i will be enlisted with a peace at heart.

I only hope that before my enlistment Dear Dear can visit this post: no matter what happen I'll be by your side.

May Heaven bless her with good health and recover soon, i pray...

No words can desbribe how much i love and worried for her now: It's pouring, my heart is crying...

2007-11-26T10:39:00.000+08:00

There's always: HOPE

Hey ppl! Finally there's time to blog. Although my exam is over for over a week, it's really difficult to get the motivation to blog. Well, so glad that I can sit down now n blogged finally.

Now exams are over, everyone seems to be enjoying themselves. Indeed, heard more and more good news lately. Some of my friends even successfully engaged into a relationship after the A's, GOOD LUCK DUDE!! Though some still prefer to remain single, they had found themselves something to keep themselves occupied. Some went off to work and some who will be enlisted in a month or less, prefer to grasp the long break available before promoted into the next phase of life. Well as for the ladies, they seems to either go work and shop or just shopping whole day. Haha still have many arts of shopping to learn from them! :p

As for me, sadly or otherwise, will be enlisted to Army in one week time. Well, it seems so soon, yet I didn't know whether it's a good news or not.

Positively, it occupied my break. It seems that fate had decided my career and unlike others, work had found me instead of me going to hunt for one. Enlisted into Army is not that bad too: they train me, feed me, groom me and providing lodging for FREE with an even better deal - they PAY me! Haha although the pay is not very much, it's already a very good deal! Hmm bet no one can find such good deal elsewhere.

On the other hand, it seems to come so soon. Despite it might seems that i have most of the time free, with my swimming lessons occupied EVERY evening, i only left with morning till early afternoon. Where can I go with that timing?! Even if i can run around, I can't run far too. So do don't blame me if I gotta leave every outing early, sorry in advance! >.<

Furthermore, there is still something I can't put my heart down. At first I thought after A's I finally will be able to date my dear out, however it seems that it'll be even more difficult for her, cos her holiday lessons had ended! I felt so bad when she had to think of excuses to convinced her parents to come out. Somemore she was illed yesterday. It seems quite bad. It made me felt even worst. Throughout the whole exam period she would made herself free to accompany me before every lesson, yet now when she had fell ill there's nothing i can do for her. I was so touched that I had such a wonderful girl to be my gf, I only hope that the least I could do is to bring her smile during this period or even everyday. Dear, rest well k? I'll pray for ya blessings, get well soon! Miss you...

Now A's are over and my time available seems to be limited, sometimes seems to lost not knowing what to do.

Sometimes doing nothing is not a bad thing.

Now only wish that dear will get well soon. Dear I miss you, may heaven bless my dear with good health and happiness, that's what I ask for now.

Hope...

2007-10-20T14:27:00.000+08:00

WALK ALONE

I'm wondering how others are doing now. It has been quite sometime I attended some gathering. Now, missing those days without have to think about study. It's amusing.

Perhaps my life was meant to be walked alone. Since I was young, my parents already didn't know many things of me. They didn;t realised they didn't know me, despite in their eyes everything seems so warmth and cosy, until when it was secondary school that time that they realsied something's really wrong.

Well, that said "I know it's part of a teenage years that we shall relax you and let you find your free time" and they didn't know it was because I couldn't stand the time with them that I was frequently outdoor.

I still remember at Secondary school year 2 that time, when it was my last year taking literature. It was one subject that i had never know yet it was actually one subject that i should know. The class was discussing 'Roll of Thunder Hear my cry' - text based on the racism against the African American iduring 1980s - and somehow or another, can't remember, the teacher asked "Do you know what the feelings are like when you are living in your family whith most of the times your parents not around? You people should be grateful that your parents nagged at you!" It was at that time I started to pay close attention to her lesson: "So anyone of you had your parents seldom home and spent time with you?" I still remembered that mine was the first hand raised, then slowly more hands started to appear in the air too.

"So how much did you parents spent time with you?" She asked.

"12 hours a day from 6pm to 6am - 8 hours i spent it during my slp, 1 hr for dinner then the rest they will gather watching tv with none bother to find out what am i doing in my room"

Yesterday my mum came home late with dinner and she 'spoke' to me that next time I'll have to give her a thorough answer to every of her questions. Infuriated and can't take it anymore, I told her: mum, you came home late with dinner, I'm starved and so you reprimanded me the first thing you are home? Today she seems happy and even at Saturday the whole afternoon no one's at home, I wonder if she gets my point.

Perhaps my life is meant to stand alone. Every now and then they come home, I asked them out they will always "see first". Otherwise it will coincidently asked me out when I'm in the middle of my revision. Half the time they want me to stay indoor "you need to study" and the another half, while i'm indoor, they mever around. Last quarter, even if they are around, no one bothered about each other.

Shucks, now then I realised. Perhaps it's the lesson taught harshly on me that next time must spend time with my children.

Well, think i gotta go find to spend more meaningful time on: something which I can do alone.

Pessimism, what have I turned into. May warmth shower the Earth, Amen.

2007-10-12T21:36:00.000+08:00

Reminiscence 2007

Finally, today is our graduation day. Time seems to pass endlessly. To some, it was as if they were still back to their first 3-months, yet to others, they can't wait for the coming A'level exams. Well, to me? I think i prefer to let time passes by while i think how to spend each seconds appropriately instead.

Time never wait for anyone, but it is us who choose how to grapse our time well.

So true. Now to think about it, it's such humour to recall the way I spent in SR: first arrived as a freshmen not knowing what is await in a junior college, fall and friction here and there every now and then learning things the hard way and when finally learnt how to settle for a epaceful life things seems to come to an end. Indeed life is wonderful. There were times where I didn't agree with everything, yet I don blame anyone for it. I believe that it's that that made me stronger.

Some say that boy grows to man when they enter NS. Well, not necessary. Boys CAN start to grow into man when they are in JC too! In JC I'd made many different character of people. I'm so blessed to meet some of them, then others simply 'TOO BLESSED' to meet them. Well, if it was fate wanted me to meet them, perhaps it's fate that wanted to convey some message to me.
However, it's these people that made nurture my mind. It's in JC that I experienced what is a human society: one of cruelty and cold attitudes full of criticisms and darkness? Not really. Despite there are always some who will challenge my life everyday, they are others I'm so grateful that I'd met them at all. Those are the best buddies I ever had in my life. There are some who are always been with you whenever u neede them just like the way when they needed you. Then, there are some who will be there just to listen to you, one should be grateful that they listen to you at all! Althogh we might be engaged in our own life now, i know that one way or another we might meet again. Thanks people! You've brighten up my life! :)

Next, it's the college that made me grow even more. It is just like a mini-society: a government made up the college administration and students being the citizens of SR. It's through the college that I've learnt in the society we will have to learn to adapt to which other changes, responding to them and take advantage as much as one can from it.

If life was about choice then phases in life is about experiencing choices.

I've learnt what in the GP mentioned: inter-connectivity. Definition: one's actions have a significant impact onto others. It's in the college that i see how the new appointed principal principles guided us through, mostly we left with no choice but to follow, in the course of JC2 year. Leading the new re-organised college administration, the college has responded more positively towards the students. Now some might wonder why MR principal has to pick up litter whenever we saw one, but later we will know why we will have to do that when one day we live our own home and we didn;t adopt the habit of self-responsibility in doing our own chores as simple as clearing our own rubbish. Furthermore after we know what is self-responsibility we will even realise the importance of acting self-responsible when one day we all have to become a parent. Long way thinking? I prefer to think now rather than thinking about it one day when the public started to point at me for not teaching my children well.

Lastly, it's the college's love and care in a harsh way, it's also the college that gave me wonderful gifts. It gave me the precious experience that visioned to nurture a imaginary and creative thinking with a self responsibility, the inexpensive experience that hoped to further enhanced the education system which lack civic and moral mindedness, preparing every student into a good citizen of Singapore. Furthermore it gave me my wonderful friends and buddies, lastly not to forget one important person in my life...

I'm so glad that I choose the college at the first place. If i'd not chose this college, I might not be able to meet my dear dear at all. Perhaps fate really has their own laguage and own makings in twindling our life, but i prefer it that way. Still remember how we initially started to meet each other: I didn't know you and you didn't know me, it makes one wonder how did we even can get along so well at all! Now we are even learning to look after each other already. I always see my dear as a gift from heaven: she's the sweetest girl I've ever met. Although there are still many things we have to learn from each other, I'm so glad that i even met her at all. She is one never fails to be with me whenever I needed someone. Despite I always wanted to find some one to complain, sometimes might be a little roundy, she never fails to charm me with her beautiful sweet smile, one that melts off my agony and teling me that everything is alright. She gave me the feeling of being love and to love. It's her that i realised the true happiness is when one not just to be loved but to love as well. Indeed, she's the best girl and I'm so fortunate that she;d found me. I thank fate for bringing me into SR with its mysterious yet magnificent power. Then i wanna thank my dear for being to be with me sharing our great moments together. Thank you dear, you brought reasons to my life: I love you.

18 months of JC life, neither long nor short. Yet all has to go. soon all of us will have to embarked onto our new journey, a journey of dreams and possibilities.

May heaven bless all of us and let us always remember the memories we once had together: reminiscence 2007.

2007-10-06T15:21:00.000+08:00

Soon, the next phase

Hey World! It've been quite awhile sonce the last time i blogged. Well, can't blame me, A' lvl is drawing nearer and nearer each day! Somehow had already expected it, time still passed by so fast. So fast, that i'd just received my NS enlistment letter yesterday.

Time seems to pass so fast. It's so fast that as if the orientation was just yesterday. So miss the old days where i would run around chasing after people doing cheers and greet them with genuine smile. Yet, i was so glad everything's over. If i were to do it again, I really doubt i ll be able to do it. Nowadays have been thinking only about one thing: study. Day and night doing the same thing, repetively, revising my work. Today Chemistry, tomorrow will be Physics, not to forget my Maths too.. blah blah blah. Till now I'm so sick of it till i could just wish that everything would just end now, such that i can move on to the next phase of life. Looks like i was born to change. Still, I gotta wait for it to come, just like everyone else. In the end, study lohz...

Then yesterday jsut received my letter for enlistment. Prevously during the day when i was attending their medical appointment, I was already told that I'll be enlisted extra one more month as others. I would say by then I already starts to mentally prepare myself. 2 mths later, I'd even convinced myself that i'm prepared, my heart sank when i received that letter. First anxious, now this thing coming for real. No problem, i've told everyone around me about it already, no surprise. It was when i saw the items bile from the campus that made my heart sank. Susprisingly or not, they do not allow handphone charger (?!)

Now this really affected me. It not only meant that I gotta wait till 4 months later then i'll be able to meet everyone around me, but it can also mean total isolation, touch wood that my hp batt could not made it throughout the 4 mth. Before, only my parents knew about it. Others may not even care but there's one more person that i wish her to know it too: my dear.

Now I'm having such conflicting emotions on how to tell it to her. Still remembered the first time i told her that i'll be enlisted ahead of others, both of us seems to be affected for some time. Thoguh i told her that I received the letter yesterday, I haven told her about this thing yet. She may not say, I feel, that my absence for that 4 mths might have greatly affected her already. I do not know, how to tell her, that i might not be able even to contact her for that 4 mths when things come to worst. If that's so, i only know one thing: i'll miss her very badly.

It's not that I didn't wanna tell her, but i didn;t know if now is the right time to tell her. If my early enlistment had affected her bad enough, I do not know if this will do her bad enough.

Sometimes it's easier to come out with a solution until when you ended up in their own shoes.

Indeed, if it was others i'll encourage them to disclose it while it's early. Somehow, when i'm the one doing it, everythign don seems as easy.

Hope I might be able to tell her that. Hope that fate might be less cruel to us still.

She once said that we'd love each other till fate might even surrender to us; but i only wish that fate can bless us that's enough.

The 4 mths can passby very easily. Simple thing. But if my dear wouldn't be able to let it go then I will not be able to put my heart down while i'm inside too. This might be the first challenge. I'm confident we can go through it together. I believe my dear con believe in it too.

Soon, I'll be at my next phase of life.

May heaven bless upon everyone that their life will be a smooth sail.

2007-09-16T19:03:00.000+08:00

Thou shall not repeat thy mistakes

This few days seemed to have seen my dear for quite sometime. Although i'll complain that the exam period is long, so much time left everyday despite i re-confirmed myself that I've studied enough, i do thank the grace period granted to me everyday such that i can put those time aside to place my priority on my dear. It's for the more time i've for myself now that i can manage my everyday more appropriately, rest assured to go out now.

However, time may be granted unto me but not her. To her, every period now means a big difference. It can mean she'll stand a better fighting chance for her coming promotional exam or time wasted unknowingly. Still, I do not know how's her work going, though i'm assured that her scores are picking up little by little now. I believe that she'll do it.

When i looked at the time we had spent together, feel so long yet so short. I feel it was so long because i gotta hear from her everyday. Everyday, i will think of her and every night i'll tell her how much i missed her. It gives me a powerful committment that i gotta work harder that in the future, I gotta be a good man, able to give my family a happy life. Most importantly i shall not be tempted to take her for granted, which can poison my attitude towards her. On the other hand, everything seems so short because we're together for only 2 months. There're times where i try to convinced myself despite our 2 months, we'd known each other enough. Not true.

Sometimes i feel like I'd failed to be her partner: despite me able to keep in contact with her everyday, it seems that she hear of me more than i hear more of her.

It gave me a feeling that somehow I'd not know her enough after all.

There are times which I told her that I wanted to be with her she wanted someone most, yet it seems that she would appear when i needed someone most than I appeared. Self-criticism, elements that keeps me working harder to know her more, seems to engulf me slowly instead.

结果我是败给了自己.

If sadness is one sign to show one's adoration: perhaps I'm one of those saddest person in the World. Everyday I'll miss my dear: thinking what she's doing now, what will she be doing later and is she alright today. Everytime shen she was sad I'll console her; although sometimes i'm doubtful whether she'd felt better, I will try my best to cheer her up.

难过：不是因为自己难过而难过，而是太想念她才难过。

Still remember the first time I hold her hand, one that filled with warmth, love and hope. Since then I already told myself that in the future I'll want to hold that hand, with the same feeling, everyday. I'll fill with the same attitude and the same feeling to hold that hand just like the first time.

Just like why I never celebrate our anniversary, because I want to love and give her the best everyday, just like the first day we were together.

She gives me hope: the reasons to live on more meaningful everyday. I wanted to give her back the same hope she gave me. Recently she taught me something:

One will not feel happy despite you're loved, unless you love that person back.

Dear, sometimes not because I didn't wanna forgive the mistakes you made, but it's because I

can't even forgive my own. You are too perfect.

是你，我现在才尝试到什么是幸福快乐。

May one seeked enlightenment to love and to forgive: Dear I love you.

2007-09-07T22:36:00.000+08:00

Courage after tragic

Haha i know that i'm not suppose to be here though, still gotta wake up my blog for awhile in case my blog started to rust. Well, these days are a hard period for me. Although now many either enjoying their holidays or mugging during this study break, I seems to go nowhere specific. Somehow i tell myself to study and my study pattern will drop drastically during afternoon, sure i will be wandering doing some other stuff. Perhaps indeed it's challenging for one to sit there for the whole day after all.

somehow i wondered how other's have been doing. The last time i visited the college, saw some of my dudes actually having consultation. For some reason, a sudden wave of fear struck me: others have been soaring in their revision, yet I'm still wondering in the college doing some other stuff, thinking of playing bball or pool? Contradicting yet absurd.

Indeed, it's since then i've been very worried these days. Everytime i leave my chair I'll always think: have I really studied enough? Have I been careless and left out something during my revision? I missed the Secondary school days when I will be very confidently tell myself not to worry for exams, yet i know these time is different. Somehow i seem to lost that confident; hope that i lost is arrogance.

It's because of everyday spent most of the time looking at my texts that made me realise is this the life i ever wanted to have, the life that i used to tell myself i'm prepared for. Everyday i hardly have conversation with any people, except for my ah ma at home or my sis who's seldom at home. Still, even at night where my parent's back, i still gotta revise my work after dinner. Perhaps it's the lost in touch with the world that i began to be even more paranoid, started to think wildly. I started to think the World seems to owe me something and my life seems to fade into darkness, one without a purpose or reason to live. Gosh, no wonder people say jc is the toughest education barrier.

And it's so that i must have made my dear woried the most too. I started to wonder have I been holding onto my dear too much. Every night we would converse with each other and it's my paranoia that made me feel that i've been too demanding out of my dear. Whenever I needed someone she will always be there, which means almost everyday. Thus it made me worried that perhaps i've been buggin her for too long these days too.

Silly, I'm: i was so touched by her. I'm always happy to be with her, she's the one who gave me the hope and reason to look forward each day. It's so silly that I'm such a paranoid. I'm touched by she told me today:

Don't think this way: I'll be always with you the way U'll always be with me when I needed u most.

She's the one who always gave me the warmth and love, which will keep me movin on everyday.

It makes me realised that love is not like doing a trade: i spend this much time with you and you will have to spend that much with me.

Sometimes she said that she's lucky to have me: i'm more fortunate to have her as my gf instead.

It's such a tragic that before the examinations, i've already lost to myself. But with my dear's encouragement and her in my heart, she gave me the courage to pick myself up and move on. I can't imagine what will happen to me without her.

Courage after a tragic, life has to move on. she's with me when i needed someone; I'll be with her when she needed someone most too, my promise to her. Dear i love you always.

May everyone who fall into darkness found their courage to pick themselves up again. Last lap, hang on there :)

2007-08-18T22:34:00.000+08:00

18th: 1 Man with 8 Dreams

Today was a pretty surprising day! Haha I thought that since this year's Bday falls on a saturday, I can't expect much for my Birthday this year. Still, those who are there will draw a litle of their time and put in a little efforts to make this simple day as memorable as possible. I wished everyone all the best in their life too! Thx people!

This year's was indeed a simpler ones as compared to last year's. Haha of course mostly is because of the coming prelims. Yet I'm contented and appreciate the efforts those present to put in a little heart into it, to make today the very least looks like a birthday celebration. I do not hold grudges those who wasn't around, I do not stop them from studying for the coming Prelim. So long as they have the heart, even if it's just a little sms wishes, I'm very happy already.

And it's because of the fact that J2 have exams very frequently, that's why seldom there's opportunity for an outing this semester. Really missed the days being in J1: where half the time chionging tutorials and exams, the other half still have time to go out slack and play Bball; but to think about it, may be that's why unlike the other top scorers, there's difficulties locking the knowledge in my head. Now trying all means just to remember it: mind maps, drawings, lists... Trying everything so long as it keeps into my head. Despite the disappointment that time flew so fast, life still have to move on.

What's my 18 wishes for this year? Haha I didn't made to many wishes anyway. Still, I prefer to keep it my little secret, cos I believe it will come true when remained not disclosed! Now I only can say i've stepped into the next transition state. Now no longer a boy boy anymore, or at least God really timed my hormones accurately, I now tends to see things more differently and more seriously. To think about it, it's not good being a boy boy: a boy boy is forever full of enthusiast and passion, always never exhausted from energy in whatever he's doing. Yet now i have to be more responsible in my actions and goals, responsible for myself and others.

Soon in the future i'll be on my own: I'll be jumping into the poplation where definitely full of different types of people, unlike in schools where you can see the similarities among us. It will be indeed a challenging one, mentally and emotionally.

Now i'm even more convinced that in the future I'll have to be a even stronger person.

Firstly, I would like to thank my family for the full 18 years of my life. They are the ones who went through with me for the 18 years on my life. I still remembered my mum wrote this in my bday card last year:

"I'm fortunate yo live with you for the current 17 years..."

Although not everything parents will agree with their children, I'm so glad that my parents not just willing to be my parents, but at the same time growing with me as parents. Next time when i am going to be one, I must drop that attitude that parents are everything, but growing to be a parent with the child is more important. Family is the first gift to my life.

Secondly, I wish to thank my friends, everyone that stepped into my life. There are those who I remembered till now, those whose images started to fade and those who had already stepped out of my life. I always believe this:

No matter whether is it an event happening or a person stepped in to your life, everything happened for a reason.

This i believed that all those friends that stepped into my life the hold an unknown purpose. I saw those stepped away from my life, there's always some memories between both of us that it once keep us together and it is something that later separated us. Mistakes made in the past, most importantly is to never make it again in life. Second gift to my life.

Lastly, i wanna thank my God for trusting me, letting me love someone again. I still remembered during my teenage years, crushed every now and then, never know when it is the right time in life. Just when I was standing at the razor edge about to fall off from hope after the final blow, God granted me a friend which stirred my emotions, gave me back the feelings which i'd lost and about to give up. She would everytime wanted to be with me, whenever day or night, rain or shine, to be with me to show me that she will be around for me. Similarly, I love her so much that I thought of the same way as her too. Yet I wanted her to know me better first and i wanted to know her too. Both of us hold onto a same dream: a dream of devotion and peace. I never deny that there's still a long way for that dream to come true. Hold onto me tightly, we will grow and face it together, we can do it.

Like every other gifts i received, i wanted to love and teasure her forever too. She's the of those best gifts given to me at my 18th Bday. I love you.

Indeed, 18th mark the year of maturity. Still, I'm not going to give up my child-like identity to maturity. Who say's you can't be a matured boy?

1 Man with 8 Dreams in life. Hoping it will comes true. All the best to everyone and may their dreams come true.

2007-08-15T22:44:00.000+08:00

Far Away

Everyday, we lived a day of separation, a day where i only who she's safe at home at night and tell her how much i missed her every day through the sms.

However, although we may be distant, yet our hearts are closer than ever.

I would like to dedicate this song to her: Far away by Nickelback

"Far Away"

This time, This place

Misused, Mistakes

Too long, Too late

Who was I to make you wait

Just one chance

Just one breath

Just in case there's just one left'

Cause you know,you know, you know

[CHORUS]

That I love you

I have loved you all along

And I miss you

Been far away for far too long

I keep dreaming you'll be with me and you'll never go

Stop breathing if I don't see you anymore

On my knees, I'll ask

Last chance for one last dance

'Cause with you, I'd withstand

All of hell to hold your hand

I'd give it all

I'd give for us

Give anything but I won't give up

'Cause you know,you know, you know

[CHORUS]

So far away

Been far away for far too long

So far away

Been far away for far too long

But you know, you know, you know

I wanted

I wanted you to stay

'Cause I needed

I need to hear you say

That I love you

I have loved you all along

And I forgive you

For being away for far too long

So keep breathing

'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore

Believe it

Hold on to me and, never let me go

Keep breathing

'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore

Believe it

Hold on to me and, never let me go

Keep breathing

Hold on to me and, never let me go

Keep breathing

Hold on to me and, never let me go

2007-08-12T23:06:00.000+08:00

Music: A pianist's story

Somehow or another, i seems to be attracted to piano easily. Since young, i always love piano musical, later older, would promised myself one day to pick up piano. Although in the end i ended up being a basketballer, i still hold the dream that one day someone will teach me how to play piano. Coincidently, various pianist stepped into my life. I always feel that being a pianist was cool, fully engrossed in playing the story of a score.

The first pianist was when it was sec 1, one of the first girlfriends i had since 6 years of isolation in a boy's school. I still remember how the feelings i had when i was pretending to cut the structures for our art work while she was fully engrossed in her playing. So soothly and warm, it was as if i could feel the deep stories of her life through the music. For once, I fell in love with music, for once, my first crush. Although it's tempting to hold onto the feeling i had last time, i will not have met one that really touched my heart if i would never let it go.

The second one was Mr Timothy. Haha one of the few interesting dude i met in SR. Although I can say both of us are like buddy now, sometimes i still don really understand what was in his mind. Sometimes as i converse with him, I can feel that concurrently she was thinking of something else. Ha didn't really blame him, i was tangled in this bad habit though. Always happen when not enough sleep. Well, he was one cool charming dude, gotta admit. I bet soon he will be famous for his perforance at the National day eve. Well recognised and applauded. At least he has talents.

Finally was the one who i loved most. Coincidently she was a pianist too. Not that i fell in love with her simply because she was a pianist, I fell in love with her because I feel the warmth and attention of a pianist. There are times when she was discouraged that she was just a rookie. Yet I hope that she will not be discouraged anymore simply because she started to play piano later than others. She was a simple girl. I even once told her that:

she was so innocent and that's she will be easily bullied. Yet it's because of this i ll have to look after her more, to protect her more.

She was so innocent that i never wanna hurt her in anyway. She started to talk to me more. I wanna know her more, talk to me. It's optimism that strenthen us together and it is hope that keep us going.

Soon she will be taking her piano exam soon and at most i can only encourage her to finish it with all the best, beautifully.

Many things come in life only once, thus why not just do it beautifully once and for all?

just like her: a beautiful person like her only step into my life once, I must as well care for her for all i can since i'm still breathing.

I'm looking forward that she can play Cannon in d one day. Although i initially thought she would be ready soon, looks like i gotta wait for it longer. Well, it doesn;t matter, i'll wait. For when she play it, she do not have to play it the way i heard it in my younger life. I want her to play it with her own style, for the person I love is her, not anyone else.

Maksim's Exodus. Enjoy.

2007-07-30T21:59:00.000+08:00

Love the Sun before Dusk and Love the Moon before Dawn

I remembered i received a touching e-mail, saying that sometimes we take everyday for granted. Just like whenever we goes to bed every night, we knows that the moon will rise again tomorrow's night and whenever at dusk, we will know that the Sun will rise again the next day. It is as if tomorrow will forever the Sun will rise and so is the Moon. Had we know the beauty of natural phenomenon of a lunar eclipse and the transformation of the Moon every night? Just like when we looked at all the things and people around us, we know that they will be there tomorrow. We assumed.

It was last Saturday's night that i realised the importance of every moment of your life. That time i was returning home from my Council's party. Tell u, the place is freaking deserted. The bus stop stand luminously in the darkness, just like that you saw in the horror movie. Still, be disappointed that i did not encounter any unnatural phenomenon, but then suddenly came roaring of bikes. Some bikes made a U-turn and stopped at the bus-stop oppositely mine. 3 a group? came more and more. Seems like they are having some gang gathering. Though I'm confident that nothing will assume to have happen if I do not do anything funny, I will not be spared if there's anything happen. Then she's the first person that flashed across my mind. I still have a promise to sms her when i get home. I have to live to go back.

Our relationship has been nearly for a month now, soon. It was such short time, that we only really met up properly once. Thinking back at how did we actually initially get together, it was almost as if we were told in each other's eyes that we were expecting each other already. It was almost naturally occurred. For some reason, unknown, she gave me the reason to love a person again, after that feeling was frozen in time long long time ago.

Still when I looked forward, it was indeniably that our time is gonna be challenging soon. Short-term, she has her final promotional Exam to take: it will decides whether she will stay with me till i finished my A' level, or even better, a hope that someone will receive me after my NS. Long-term, I will be enrolled sooner than i thought, more or less mentally prepared, yet the most i can't let go is her. Thinking that I for full 3 months I can only feel her through short messages, I will not know what will happen to her when she needs someone most.

It was the breaking point which i was trained to be a man, yet at the same time, failed the principle to be a man - to be with her when she needed someone most.

I do not wish to make that choice, there's still time.

I was so proud of her. Although there are times she said her results not as good as mine, she don wan me to be disappointed by her cca, I'm still proud of her. I was proud of her because she was willing to accept me, willing to love me, even though i told her our time WILL definitely be hard right from the start. I admire her courage admire her persistent. To me, it's the spirit that counts. I never regret by being together with her. She was a gift to me.

Soon we will have to make a choice. It will be a difficult choice.

If I care, I will come out and find her; if she cares, she will wait for me: Now i'm gonna say that i will come out to find her, what's her choice?

I encouraged everyone not to love the Sunshine only when it was Dusk and love the Moonlight only when it reaches Dawn.

May God have mercy on thy souls. 2 fates are in his hand. Love ya.

2007-07-22T18:18:00.000+08:00

When you are gone

Yesterday can be said as our proper date. Although the time may be short, the time we spent is fulfilling. Perhaps actions do speaks louder, or even more meaningful than words, thus i used actions to expressed my feelings towards her.

Yesterday is one day which i will never forget. I hope now she must have felt reassured that i loved her. She meant so much to me now. It's some secret we both had, just like this song, only both of us understood it the most.

Love ya, I miss you.
Avril Lavigne: When you are gone

I always needed time on my own
I never thought I'd need you there when I cry
And the days feel like years when I'm alone
And the bed where you lie is made up on your side

When you walk away I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now

[ Chorus ]
When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear to
always get me through the day
and make it ok
I miss you

I've never felt this way before
Everything that I do
reminds me of you
And the clothes you left, they lie on the floor
And they smell just like you,
Ilove the things that you do

When you walk away I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now

[Chorus ]

We were made for each other
Out here forever
I know we were, yeah
All I ever wanted was for you to know
Everything I'd do, I'd give my heart and soul
I can hardly breathe I need to feel you here with me, yeah

[ Chorus ]
When you're gone
the pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone the face i came to know is missing too
When you're gone the words i needt
o hear will always get me throughthe day
and make it ok
I miss you

2007-07-18T21:05:00.000+08:00

It Ends tonight

Finally, today's the 20th Investiture. Finally my terms of office ends. When i looked at other councillors, they all shed tears even before the event started. Some shed the tears of fulfillment and achievement, some shed that of missing the good old days. Indeed there's a mixture of emotions, mixture of good and bad.

Indeed i should be happy that my term of office finally ended. Perhaps human adaptation indeed is slow, it seems that only just these few days i enjoyed being the councillor: the one who the class people looked up to, the one my peers looked up to and most importantly, my own person i looked up to. It seems that just only these few days that i realised that i have to work hard being a councillor, i told myself to thrivee for the best in whatever i do. Yet now it seems everything had ended. However, I have not regret my term in office. It's in council that i'd seen the real world order the system is functioning, which in deed every actions of one individual has an impact on another. Those fellow councillors did left a footprint in my life. Each unique, each special.

On the other hand, I may be gonna miss my status as being the councillor. Jokingly, I used to be the boss in the class, looks like now the class rep is going to dominate the class. There's no political conflict nor the cold war, just trying to adapt as a commoner in the class. Looks like i'll have to thrive in my acedamics to be the boss once again. I may have retired, yet the spirit still live within me.

Most importantly, now i have to face the coming waves of challenges with optimism. In the past, I may use council events as a reaosn to bluff myself for the poor expectations i received, yet now the only reason that i fail is gonna be myself. With the stepping down today, it can meant that i have retired and may not receive the attention as a councillor anymore, yet nevertheless, it meant more freedom in expression and more flexibility in choice. Perhaps now it's time for me to work doubly hard to make up for all the academic losses in the past. Since others can strive, why can't i?

Never give up without a fight

Furthermore, most importantly is that in the past, I've been married to council and now with the subsequent separation, I'm officially a part-time student and part-time lover. These few days I thanked her to spend my every night with me. I'd admire her when she's willing to be with me bravely even knowing that our time together will be a challenge. I'm so proud that I'm with a person like her. Although these few days our contact is to the minimum due to her other activities, yet i believe that as time comes, we will have more time with each other. Now her dream has become part of my dream, and i shall help her to acieve her dreams.

Now only these song can describe the feelings now: It Ends Tonight - ALL AMERICAN REJECTS

2007-07-09T21:40:00.000+08:00

Easy to be said, difficult to be done

It have been for 2 days now, still i haven gave her a call. Though i was disappointed with myself over it, not able to face it honestly, yet there are certain things easier to be said than to be done.

I remembered the last time i watched BLACK HAWK DOWN, the army shared his hometown experience with his comrades. Whenever he returned home from Eutopia, his friends and family will always asked him why didn't he gave up fighting? Why risked himself fighting with someone else's endless war? Then he said: I'll always kept quiet, because no matter how hard i can try to explain it to them, they will never understand. Indeed, many will criticise me for not being honest: i accept that. But they won't understand why.

Still, it's not to face something which you had done wrong that matters, but it's that i have disapppoint a buddy that matters.

Somehow if you had notice, the closer that person to you, the less 'apologise' this word seems to exist.

I still remembered coming across a scene where the daughter apologised to her dad yet her dad only said: in the family, the worst is to say sorry. To me, along with some other friends, we use to look out for one another. Though now, i didn't know if it's still possible and neither wanna know what blew it up.

There're many things easier to be said than done. Seems like this time i choose to stay quiet. For what i wanna tell her she already knew, now what's her choice?

May God looked after everyone of us.

2007-07-07T19:37:00.000+08:00

Forgivance in Confession.

I still remembered once Mrs Kok shared with us one of her wise thoughts: Life is all about choice. Indeed, life is all about choice and in your life is either you made your own choices or others made that choice for you. Me, i'm more comfortable making my own choice.

Of course, in life you have to make difficult choices. One that may be right to you yetincorrect to others, and today i'd made that choice. I practically screwed up everything. I choose to went off attending to other matter yet undermining the planning from others. In the end, I favoured one side and flared up the other, choices is never that easy.

I'd remembered one time where our deputy heads falred up on us during a national day rehearsal at East Coast. At that time, everyone was both stunned and shocked. Then at the end of the day, she was pretty gloomy that she had screamed at us, feeling bad about it. Then i remembered telling her:

Do not regret what you have done, because at that time you think it was the right thing to do therefore you had done it.

Indeed, everyone wanted to do the right thing. So do I. So in the end, didn't know that the programme was ending soon, I went back to receive thrashing. I know that I will gonna receive thrashing. My dep. Head still asked me why I came back?! In the end everything comes with a give and take. I choose to undermined it, I know what will happen and I'm willing to take the price. Thanks Mr Principal, you thought me that. I'll never ever forget how you teach that to me.

However in the end everything turns out differently. Everyone seemed different than I thought. The heads knew that I did that for a reason and respect my reason, the I/C willing to forgive me for what I'd done. Suddenly every attitude seems to have changed. It is no longer the attitude to confess nor the attitude to forgive, but the attitude to understand. I thought that not informing anyone is a good thing, yet to them informing someone is necessary. I thought that I owe them an explanation yet to them is more of understanding each other.

No one cares about you until they know how much you care for them.

Indeed, I agree that it's true. Now participating in the coming investiture is no longer participating with responsibility but with the sense of belonging. I have to work even harder to compensate the loss today. For a collective beautiful close, we have to.

If everyone was as understanding, the World is gonna be an even more wonderful place.

Still have one more friend to apologise to, and soon, still have one more highly devine to face regarding my SGC. He has played me long enough.

2007-07-01T12:00:00.000+08:00

Numb

Well, for don't know why these few days have been feeling a bit numb. Suddenly everything seems not important anymore. Is is a sign that there's no hope anymore? Or is it a flash light to remind me what is it that i worked so hard for, fought so hard to achieve. Whatever the reason is, the sensation is tormenting.

There's always the fear that the weight i'm carrying is going to collapse. The fear is not about the load callapsing, but falling upon you. Every moment sure you will be thinking whether you have completed your revision and ever time you finished revising, there'll be a soft inner voice telling you that the revision is not enough.

Though my exam only stretches for 2 weeks, it's already worrying enough. Despite the abundant last minute revisions, the worry stretched longer. Somehow i missed the days where i just needa take one paper for each subject. Furthermore is not just the work, but catching up with friends too. Somehow or another, priorities seem to have changed. As everyone re-directed their course to fully-academic based strategy, seems like i can't call anyone out till- A' level's over? Shucks, thanks to exam.

Yet for this exam period i'm not losing anything, more on missing everything. Things gonna change, like it or not, gonna change with it. Perhaps this is the transition state, still i gotta change with it. I promised myself after the exam i'll find more time for myself, and that includes promising to accompany wherever she wants to too! :) Provided that the college wil bee more merciful to give me more time in the new timetable too.

Now there's no many mixed emotions, so many problems unsolved so much worries to suspressed.

When the problems you have now is not solved, it does not meant it cannot be solved, but it's meant to be solved later.

I thanked her for being with me every night to accompany my days. I simply just enjoy spending time with her, doing nothing fantastic, but able to feel that she's around with me i shall be contented. Although at most we exchanged sms every night, at this point in time, I'm very glad that she still thought of me at all! Still rmb the ants? They taught me something:

When you are heading towards your destination, do not fail to look around and enjoy the beautiful things around you.

Hold me tight, don't let me drift away. I had seen you, don't let my eyes drift away.

May you find your purpose in life. All the best! ONE MORE WEEK!

2007-06-27T11:05:00.000+08:00

HOPE

Hmm well, today has many things to mentioned about. Perhaps these few days had many short stories to share. Everyday have to accumulate a few to keep my blog survive though.

Firstly is Today's chemistry paper. Today's paper only has one word to describe: catastrophic. Suddenly everything seemed to be collapsing. Indeed, this may be the final test that had put upon me, yet most likely i'm gonna fail it. I have been studying chemistry, mugging the TYS inside out outside ( ok maybe not to the extent that i even mugged the syllabus requirement yet, but still...) still i can't make it for today's paper. Somehow i wondered how does the Chemistry teacher survived. Perhaps they really practice the taboo to burn the TYS into ashes and drink it with water? Well, perhaps so, but i won't do it. Not because I don believe that superstitions ( i'll practice it IF i'm desperate), but i don think my liver can take it though. Eating papers is alright (?), but ashes? Oh thx, no.

Secondly is the boredom. Though i know that now can be termed the 'desperate period' for mid year. For those desperates they know what it meant. This is the last minute mugging time, one have to be wise to make FULL use of time available to do the last minute sprint. Yet this few days when i was mugging, i suddenly realised something.

Of all the hardwork you put in, what is it that you are working for? Is it something worth working for, is it something worth fighting for?

It's scary but true. Such a thought actually can be deadly, cos it hinted that pessimism already started to grow on you. However, it is not absolute negative either. It can be healthy to think of this frequently too. It made me asked myself what actually m i pursuing and fighting for. Why are u studying so hard? Why are you putting in so much work? Mid year? A lvl?

No, it's all about hope. It's the shadow of success where we normally neglected, yet it is the important element that helped us succeed.

Thare are many times i wished to drop a message to see how she's doing. Still, i prefer to keep our timing to after 6. Somehow i can sense what she's doing every afternoon and know her routine already. Napping in the afternoon is a good idea :) She needa study though.

Lastly, it's one small yet annoying thing: ANTS ARE INVADING MY TABLE!! Well, long story, but simply it started with dunno when ants started to scout around my table. Ever since for dunno what, I've been engaging different strategies against their colony. It seems even i engaged a genocide against them, they still continuing crawling around. 2 things i learnt: Ants pursue their dream no matter what AND Ants have no brain. I have recorded a chronicle of events about the it:

DAY 1 - 24TH JUNE 1300H

Today something seems different. Suddenly my table seems to have more life than ever. It has been for 1 mth and i still haven figure out the source of their invasion. Had Ants really revolting against nature and fighting against man?! Don't know and i don think i ll know. Yet still haven notice any significant pattern to their attacking tactics yet. They're still scouting around, though some bit me. Well, can't blame me accidently squash ya comarades with TYS right?! Hmm, still observing for pattern, hope their trail lead me to something. PEACE V(",)
- never underestimate things that are small.

2007-06-24T13:56:00.000+08:00

NEW BLOG SKIN!

Hey guys out there! Here's the last day of reivision ald!! Haha don be so pessimist though, it's the beginning of the exam soon! Hmm, tell urself that there're many programmes up for ya after the exam, look towards it!

Oh before i forget, SORRY JANICE!! Haha you would have noticed that your name was striked out at the FRIENDS column. Well that wasn'e deliberate! Haha do tolerate it till i figure out how to settle that k!

Comical yet accidental, wonders of life.

2007-06-21T21:20:00.000+08:00

The Language of the World

Recently i just bought a book: The Alchemist, to kill some time that i had apart from studying. These few days are tormenting: everyday your heart will tell yourself that as each day passed, the mid year will be drawn one step nearer. It seems to have been cultivated as a reflex thought. I wonder how others managed to overcome such extreme mental challenges, though i have not heard from a lot of them for quite some time.

The Alchemist, spoke of a boy who had an extraordinary dream. His dream, was not just an ordinary one. It's his destiny. Now what attracts me most is that the boy's dream is a metaphor of out dreams in life. In his journey to pursue towards his destiny, he encountered many challenges and philosophies. Of course least expect any action-pack fightings which fan of the matrix: reloaded is gonna be very disappointed, yet he encountered is what we had, or going to encounter in our life: mental challenge.

There will be a time in life when even though we are on the right track to pursue our dreams, we are not satisfied with the results exchanged by our hardwork, in which we will give up the dream we had at the first place
- The wise king told the boy, hinting him to be strong in his journey.

At first, this sentence appears as a super duper long and complicated one that i nearly gave up thinking that only people who are really wise as the king can understands it. Actually, the boy actually understands it. So may be i think i can?

It's simple, just by fragmenting it: There are times when we are tested on our journey in life. Certainly many will heard of: you reap what you sow. Similarly, as we pursue our goals in life certainly we are going to face challenges and encounters. Just like everything nature does: balance of life. You know that you will be satisfied with the goals and treasures you are pursuing, equally you have to put in as much pain and hardwork to exchange for the later joy and satisfaction.

Just like now, we are on our point of the crossroad. After years of education, we had finally reached the bridge over the cliff to the university. All of us know that from the first day we stepped into the junior college, we only have one aim: to get in to the university. We were told that when we get into the university, our education will be more expertised and more prefessional, more easier and more flexible. Indeed it is one satisfying experience to pursue. When you stepped out of the university, your life mostly are shaped for the better. The rest will be of your luck and personality. Indeed, when i entered and left the university with a degree, my life has been eased by half.

Now we have reached the period of judgement: Do I want to get into the university?

In your life, you will learn many lessons. Yet, God will put a final test on you, which you will have to apply what you learnt and be wise, for then you will fulfil your dream.
- The Alchemist tell the boy, as they were crossing the desert with uncertainty

Perhaps this is the final test. Painful? Yes. But in the end, make your efforts worth it.

All the best to everyone out there, trying hard to pursue their dreams. Only through trying, then you know which is the wrong way to take.

Never stop trying. Never give up.

2007-06-17T23:18:00.000+08:00

Feelings beyond the horizon, thoughts deeper than the sea

Dunno why these few days were a little troubled. A little bit or irritation here and there with a little short tempered lately. Fortunately, i'm still able to hold back myself, being tolerant a little. Otherwise i'll be one step closer to hypertension and one step closer to schizophrenia.

Well, this is quite normal during pre-exams period. Ever since last year's mid year, whenever the period before any major exams, there'll be always near system breakdown situation. Till now i ve accepted it as a norm, so WILL NEVER break down.

Yet it is these few days that we are even closer and knew each other more too. Although in my eyes she's always the optimist one and the torch which light up my life, it is my selfish consciousness which failed to spot details that made me so ignorance towards her needs. Actually these few days she's stressed up with her life too. Yet i failed to notice that thus talked to her like as if i expected consolation from her. I still have many more things to learn though.

It's then i realised, even the torch needed another torch to light her up at the first place:

What goes around, comes around.

When u need someone to be with you, first u need to be with that someone too. Now I have to learn to be more careful and observant too.

I do not want just only she's with me everytime I needed someone, but also I'd want to be with her whenever she needed me most too.

Later it taught me that communication is important. Of course sometimes i have the tendency to keep things to myself, thinking that it's my problem thus others do not have to know about it. Then i realised that my this 'wise' decision was actually a selfish one. Will she be happy whenever she knows that I'm troubled by something in mind which I'd refused to tell her? This time i really forced myself to put me in her shoes. Indeed, I'll never feel good. Now it's not just I do the hearing, looks like i have to participate in contribution too.

Looks like now it's not just care and thought for her at my own hypothesis but by another alternative method:

Sometimes to know accurately how actually other feel, is to put ourself into the other person's shoes.

She's one special person to me. One of those i care for and hold dearly most. Furthermore, during our relationship, we learn from each other more, which made us understand each other even closer. Indeed, I have learnt a lot from her. There's words are beyond description on how much she was to me.

Now i'm thinking will I be able to let go when time comes?

Feelings beyond the horizon, thoughts deeper than the sea.

2007-06-13T21:14:00.000+08:00

Memories: Sweet yet bitter things

Despite both of us are freed from schooling, we hardly have time to meet up during holidays too. Then we have lectures and tutorials to attend. Now we have our Mid year exams to catch. When i heard that she wants to study when i bluffed her to come out next week, I was so relieved. She knows her direction. She never gives up and eventually she'll excel to her best ability. If she needs help, I'm more than willing to help her too.

Yesterday we meet up to catch a movie together. We have fun. The movie was hilarious and knowing that i'd not chose the wrong movie to make her happy, I was so relieved. Then we found a place to slack the rest of the evening after stuck up in the cold movie house for so long. We even took some photos there. I can say that those are the first few photos we took while together. There's one very meaningful one too.

Those photos will leave a deep memory in me. For my days with her, I could not describe how much she meant to me. I've always appreciate her presence and telling myself never to take her for granted. Initially it started in a spark: She was the first person which i can felt the true warmth which i'd lost for long time. Then later, it happened as both of us wanted to know each other more. Now, we knew each other even more though. Yet the difference is we were even closer than before.

Yet when I heard some songs over the FM, with sudden thoughts of her, suddenly i felt saddening. Everyday I've missed her presence. Yet i always told myself to give her space and myself some private moments to console myself. It's sweet when I finally met up with her however at a more painful expense. Then I was thinking what will happened when our time together was up.

I know that eventually we will reach our cross-road. Soon I'll be serving the goverment and she'll have to study for her A's. Furthermore our departing period is not short, 2 long years. It was saddening to know that though we may have our happy moments now, soon these will fades to bitter memories.

There are times when i tell myself I've to stay strong, because if she was around, she will want me to be strong too. We shall believe in ourselves now, and even when she was around, she will wants me to think that way too. Indeed, she was a torch of optimism which sparked my life. Whenever I looked at her, I saw life and hope.

Now i can only say this:

Remember the past, hope for the future and cherish the present.

I could not express how much she was to me now. I can only say that I was thinking of her every day. She thanked me yesterday. I was so touched. I should thank her more instead.

There are some things i wanted to tell her; I wish I could. You will know when time comes.

All da best for the coming Mid-year's, play hard study hard. I shall be there for you, miss ya.

2007-06-10T18:18:00.000+08:00

The REASON

Other than latest Avril's WHEN YOU'RE GONE, this's gd. Last time when i heard this beautiful song, I neglected it's meanings and deleted the song without hesistation. For now then i understand the beauty of each phrase and the wonder of the whole song, for i now realised i have the reason to do things now: it's you.

The Reason

I'm not a perfect person
as many things I wish I didn't do
but I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
and so I have to say before I go

that I just want you to know
I've found a reason for me
to change who I used to be
a reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I'm sorry that I hurt you
it's something I must live with everyday
and all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
and be the one who catches all your tears

that's why I need you to hear
I've found a resaon for me
to change who I used to be
a reason to start over new
and the reason is you (X4)

I'm not a perfect person
I never meant to do those things to you
and so I have to say before I go
that I just want you to know
found a reason for me
to change who I used to be
a reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I've found a reason to show
a side of me you didn't know
a reason for all that I do
and the reason is you...

May others have found their reasons to to do the right things in life. Enjoy!

2007-06-08T23:43:00.000+08:00

Separate thy presence bonded thy heart

Finally had reached the last day of holiday lessons. Although i claimed that holiday lessons the best timetable i had in SR since last week, attending 9am lesson, now then i realised it's not that perfect afterall. This week gotta even be in college by 730, that's totally no difference from normal college day too! Somehow or another, waking up for 730 lesson was tormenting and the day was latargic. Hmm may be because of the fatigue vicious cycle?

Recalled the principal's rally attended last week, one of his words left a deep impression:

On the things we always want to avoid, we are tempted to find excuses and reasons for it.

Well, sounds logical. At least i saw most of my friends does that. It's just like some of us encountered when studying for the coming exams. 'It's still early...' and I'll do it later...' had became a common phrase among us. Well, it's never early to start now, but don wait till too late though.

Even me myself was guilty of such habits too.

Sometimes i asked myself, "what is the use of knowing the many bad habits yet i'm still cultivating it?"

Some said that i had seen many things, yet I only can say i had not seen enough. Though some claimed to learn my habits, there are still many things i had to learn.

Yesterday, we finally able to draw out sometime to spend lunch together again. despite we may spend lesser time than the previous occasion, I'm glad that we can even draw out time at all. Now even during holidays we seems to even more pack. Council participation adds on to my timetable and i don wish to intervene into her provate time too. Perhaps this shall be the challenges, yet i'm not surprised though.

Though I mentioned our time together was precious, i was guilty that at time i could not fully put my attention on her too. For instance yesterday, during our lunch, half the time i was sub-alive. Why? I keep telling myself: cos got history test, that's y i not enough sleep... Idiot, didn't even score well for that test and still have the guts to think that way. Well, indeed i studied for the test and really didn;t did well, however i should not even had thought that way too. Should have treated out time together more seriously. Though she doesn't seems mind at all, but I minded it all. She don have to say anything, I don feel good towards it too.

Perhaps we have to be more honest towards ourselves, that to prevent us form adopting that bad habits. Still remembered last year when i failed my history exams consistently, I keep lying to myself: it's because i have no history background. Yes, i didn't had, but that's not the reason i failed. It's because i think that way then that's why i failed. hmm, looks like we cannot underestimate the power of thoughts: mind over matter. Now i'm thinking: how am i going to score history?

Still remembered i msg her: do you regret what we had tgt now? 'no ...' she replied. Though she means it, yet i was thinking if i had done the right thing at the first step. Now she guide me to the right thing even more.

There are somethings i waished to tell her; i wish i could.

2007-06-04T23:13:00.000+08:00

Misses, refrain; hold ya, restrain

The school break had stared for a week now, however the break doesn't seemed to be like one. Still gotta wake up at 7 everyday, go to college to attend lesson till 3pm. Shucks, sometimes i start to wonder if this month suppose to be a school break afterall. Well, it used to be a 'school vacation' during the secondary school times. Yes, time has changed.

Though I ponder over the idea of school vacation, I still constantly remind myself of the coming mid-year. 'race is 3-quarters already~ time to start your engines...' yeah thanks Mr Hon, always with his engine anology. For the past few days i 've been chionging my work to finish the revision as soon as possible, so that i can earned a few hours of free time for myself. From the progress now, huh! Long way to go. I'll be delighted even if i can finish my revision on time. Shucks x2

Still, I dunno if this is a good thing. Somehow I feel like i'd neglected her. Well, not really neglect in the sense, but tends to miss her more. Though we've been consistently contact with each over over the sms evey night, sending wishes at least, yet the sensation is quite weird when didn't gotta meet her for the past few days.

There are times were i even wonder if i'd done the right thing. Difficult, it is. She also has her mid-year to prepare too. I don blame her if she wanted to spend more time on her studies since that's the first major exam she's gonna taste, and if not prepared well, it's gonna taste sour for sure. Thus it has been quite difficult to find time to match her's to even come out to spend a lunch together. Furthermore, our timetable these days, really got nothing to say.

Yesterday night she told me about her past. At that time, though she reasoned that she respected me and had to tell me all those, I sensed mixed feelings from her too. Perhaps she's finds that I had to know all those, she respected me. Yet i didn't feel that i should know those stuff too.

Everyone has a past, yet it's only those that you should let go then you can move on.

There're times where I thought of my past too. The days... Yet i realised that i have to let them go. Hmm, perhaps I've not met her if i didn't let it go.

It's by letting things go that give other things in life a chance.

Still, i sensed some other mixed feelings from her. Thus that night i blamed my insensibility that she needs comfort, though finally both sounds alright and cheery. I should stop assuming that everyone should be like me, able to drop things and go that easily. I will not blame her if she wishes to hold part of her past: I'll only say it's not healthy for both of us. Still I'll not blame you.

Perhaps, it's the time restrain that refrained us from seeing each other. Yet that shall be a challenge. I only can know her even more if we were to see ech other more.

I told her before:
Though we may be distance apart, yet out hearts are nearer than before.

Trust me, i can sense you very easily. Talk to me. Miss ya.

2007-05-25T22:23:00.000+08:00

Lord, mercy on thy soul

Today for my GP paper, it described the effects of capitalism: U wanna enjoy ur life, earn more and u can enjoy more. Though in a capitalist state, one may enjoy consumerism and materialism, similar to the passage, we are hardly happy. The more fulfilment one had to his desire may not necessary means one satisfaction to his happiness.

As both of us stepped into each others' life even closer, we tend to understand each other even better. Of course, i'm optimistic. However, I cannot make any decision, any promise. Perhaps now we have been so close that both of us have to start deciding, whether to start of not. It has been to the extent where we're standing at the border: the division between friends and... more than just friends. Still, i cannot make any decision, any promise.

Those around me for example, prevented me from thinking of making such vital decision.

it's not just a decision of SELF anymore, but a decision of US.

It used to be a selfish decision: i could only think of myself. I can only see relationship as a company to spend time and happiness, MY time and MY happiness. Then, it's our present relationship which made me feel that it's even more than that. Had i became so selfish and self-centered? I slapped myself. It's her that taught me i'm not living in my own World anymore. She taught me to look up and look at others. Thus this is why till now i still not ready to make that decision yet.

We may need more time for ourselves, to know each other even better. Of course i wanna know her more first. I'm serious about it. I do not wish to break up like child play. Of course most importantly, i wan her to know me more too. I don wish her to be traumstised that after the relationship she finds herself making mistakes. I scared i make any mistakes. I'm even more scared that she make mistakes. Paranoid, I'm.

Even if we were to give each other more time, actually we don have much time left. Face the fact: soon i'll be on goverment service and she will be at her A' level year. I'll be servicing the nation and she will be battling for her dreams. A breaking point. As I can see, sooner or later, that will be the breaking point. We don have much time now, neither do we have much time later. Even more pessimistic.

Furthermore, having a relationship meant another thing. I gotta admit that if I were to be in a relationship, things will never be the same. From many of those I saw, they start to care less and assume more, they started to love less and hold more, they started to appreciate less and expect more. Then in the end, the pre-relationship happiness and warmth is lost in the relationship. If we wanted to pursue truth, care and love, why do we hurry ourselves into a relationship when we can miss and appreciate each other now?

No more to self, start to think about others. Perhaps, that's one factor which shows maturity (?). Perhaps, it's inevitable that i'm gonna be a man. Gonna miss boy-boy hood, where others will thinks for you.

As we became closer to each other, i getting more difficult to be answerable for her and myself. In college, everytime i don deny that i will miss her and that is why i dunno who should i hang out with at the right time. Somehow, as you not only needs to think about her but also think about your friends too. I also don wan her to draw any bad assumptions.

Just wanna let her know, I appreciated her. I want her to understand.

No matter whether are we in a relationship or not, it's that we appreciate each other that is the most important.

不愿天长地久，只望曾经有过.

2007-05-13T10:24:00.000+08:00

Hold Thy hands to feel Thou presence

Seriously, the life now is indeed challenging. Everyday STAR programme all the way, not to mention my Monday and Tuesday. Sometimes i still wonder had i became a systematic cyborg wondering in college 12 hours a day or a student enthusiast to learn.

It's hard, real hard. With all the latargic and confusion, it's difficult to think of any optimism now. Sometimes had i wondered what is it that i was working so hard for, what is it that i'm doing this for? Although I had these answers right in my mind since the first time i joined SR, now these dreams seems to fade.

I started to ask: Is all these pain and suffering worth it?

Now, it seems, that my mission is to keep alive till the end of year.

Just then, at the midst of falling and collapsing, one will lose track on those things which have been silently supporting you and those people who have been quietly cheering you. Now at least, i tried to cheer up everyone who is around me, though i'm confused whether am i really happy at the first place. Yet i know, there are always people who believed that if we were to promote, we shall do it together.

If we were to grow, we shall grow together, and help each other out.

Then that's how she stepped into my life. I do admit that most of the times I'm confused and numb, nevertheless i forced myself to stay awake whenever i was with her. She seems to be one lighthouse, guiding me through, telling me that you are reaching the fruits of success soon. Whenever I was tempted to do the incorrect ones, thoughts of her will auddenly made me self conscious, telling me to do the right thing, even though it is hard. Frequently, her presence interests me, her messages excite me, her blessings warmed me. Yet, nothing can be decided. We only can give each other more time.

The only thing i know is we had stepped into each other's life more frequent now. As much as possible, I will make her happy, glad and fulfilled in anyway possible. To me, this is the only way to show how much i had appreciated her. There's already critics out there saying that i'm emo, yet i do not deny that emo is the factor which made me human. Sometimes i do wish to gave her a warm hugs to thank her for everything. Yet, nothing can be decided, I have to give her more time.

The coming days is gonna be the same, repeating again. Yet, fate still made some uncertainties.

In life, there's always something worth fighting for, worth living for; there's always something worth looking forward to.

As much as possible, i'll have to do the right thing, because in the end, i also wants you to do the right thing, even one day when i was not around.

Miss ya and miss every one too. Btw, let mother's day be everyday.

2007-05-05T19:56:00.000+08:00

Sorry and Thank you

Time flies really fast. So fast. It was as if it was just yesterday that i once went through my Orientation, it was as if it was yesterday i met my civic class, it was as if i first met the friends i have now. As if it was the first time i have the warm sensation of love and care. Missing it, treasuring it.

Till now i just realised there were many mistakes i made in the past. I dunno what grave mistakes i had made, yet i know i had done something wrong. I apologise to the World for my arrogance which failed me to notice the slightest sensitivity in others. I apologise to the World, for my ignorance which shrouded me path to grow and mature. It is so contradicting, we'll entered into the next phase of our life soon, it's undeniable. I wanna be a Man, yet a boy.

I met this girl during the Orientation. Starting, she was just an ordinary friend to me. Yet as we stepped closer into each others life, we notice the similarities we had and the diferences we believe. Yet it was she who taught me what care and love really was.

We may be the teacher of others, in the end we still have to be the students of others too.

Although Orientation was over, yet i dunno why always we have to reasons to meet. I was stunned that till now we still be able to meet up together, regardless whether is there any reasons. It was these few days that i felt something which i had never felt before, for a long long time.

Still remembered the first time i had feelings for someone. Thoughts of her lit my life when i seeped into darkness and i felt the warmth when i was drentched in the rain. In the end nothing turns out right, in the end i lost the light and warmth, in the end i was forced to see in the dark and tolerate the cold. In the end, it does not matter anymore. Now it does not matter anymore too.

Yet, it was my this friend who gave me the feeling which made me really a Man, a human. It was then i realised i was actually a cold hard block of ice trying to hide something from within. Although my past doesn't anymore, I'm still trying to hide it. All along, it was hiding inside me, lost, waiting to be found.

A small greeting or blessing from her may seems little, yet she made me felt the warmth and care. It was she which gave me back the feeling i had before.

For once, it was as if i was back in love with someone again. Yet, not just ordinary one like before, but love with responsibility and strength.

Before, i love selfishly, wanting to be with my crush forever. Childish and selfish. However, this time the feeling of passion is filled with responsibility. She has a life of her own, she has her own favour, she has her own responsibility: I respect her.

Now, she was no longer an ordinary friend, but a special one who sparked my life. It was her who brought me back to life again. When you thanked me for your birthday, i was so touched. Because in the end, i should be the one thanking you instead.

你给了我以前所失去的感觉.

You re-borned me. Thank you. Now i shall move on.

May the love and passsion be showered upon others to warm the winter and lit the dark

2007-04-30T22:22:00.000+08:00

Mind over matter

There's once i watched over dicovery channel that the monks in Tibet could meditate to the extent which they generate enough body heat to dry the cold wet towel on them. This was a documentary on the power and potential of a human mind. Similarly, there's report that such thing as psychic does exist, all generated from the meditation of human mind. Looks like our human mind not only make us mutant and yet promote us to the next mutation.

Perhaps this time i should start meditating too. Hopefully i can achieve such devine powers. This Thurs will be a important event for me. Or should i say, honour for myself and the family. Ha, not my home that family, but my Draco family. Hilarious, i didn't know how i got into triple jump for the sports day. Even my Track n Field guys didn't even know how to jump lahz!
One day i'm gonna hunt down whoever put my name in there. No matter is it devinity or man. Meanwhile i gotta start training my mind to focus on my jump this Thurs. No distractions.

With anything, anything is possible. Remember what Nike always teaching us to: impossible is nothing. Hmm, looks like if i can reach the sand pit, i'll be earning 3 points for Draco. My friends needa participate 3 events to get 3 participating points! So easy, yet so far.

Stretching the power of the mind and utilize the potential to the maximum.

In whatever you do, as long as you put ur heart and soul into it, you produced the best result.

One motto:

Mind over matter

Triple jump fly!

2007-04-27T20:54:00.000+08:00

Fall of the titan, rise of the new challenges

It can be described as the most drastic moments in life. Imagine that you had put up with so much torture and spent so much efforts with time, yet the results are not even met expectation. Perhaps, now then i understand how Thomas Edison felt when his first filament blew out and when Einstein's first theory was rejected. Just one word: disppointment.

Today I had collected my results. Although i scored B's and C's for my H2, yet i wasn't satisfied. Some may think that with this result is fantastic, but imagine this result in a class with existence of distinctions, perhaps the big fish you were referring to was actually a small fish in its big pond.

I think i'm a little paranoia. Can't help it: spirit of compeetition. I even told my friend that may be i needa make an appointment with the school counsellor soon. Afterall, i frequently saw the counsellor queueing up at the cafe. More or less should give her some business to do.

Furthermore, our college had been winning quite a lot of Silvers and a Gold for SYF lately. I'm simply so proud of them, especially when i gotta know some friends from those groups too. Then, i started to reflect upon myself: They may not be some big popular people in the college, yet they are proud of them selves and what they are doing. Indeed they should. Me in Student Council? Time for me to work even harder.

Of the many things that are happening in ur life, it is ur choice whether to be happy or sad with it.

At least i'm still conscious what does happy means. At least i still remember to be happy.

Since i'd studied so hard, it's about time to plan how to play hard.

Shucks, now gotta think of new strategies. Signs of changes are showing. Ready for the tide. Now, is never too late.

Wish ya all 天天开心

2007-04-24T23:30:00.000+08:00

Living in my dream

I suppose is due to accumulation over the past few weeks that iron man finally's down. Well, how does the iron man fall? Rust.

I can say that it has been a long time that i get a MC. When was the last time i see a doc? Can't recall. To my astonishment, my previous visit to the doc in my nearby clinic was 3 years ago! No wonder even the doc i consulted last time wasn't there. Still, how come my mum has such strong impression of her? Women sixth sense just can't be explained.

Still, staying indoor the whole day was indeed tormenting. Firstly, tutorials. Finally i just realised that the holiday is not even near after the common test. Shucks! thankgoodness i remembered to get a day off from the doc. At least now i got the time to do my tutorials.

Next, everyone's in college. Darn it. How m i gonna disturb anyone when thery are in college?! I would feel guilty for the rest of my life if i caused them to miss their distinctions by sms them during class. Classes and lectures are important u know? Stressed by our Principal.

Well, so staying indoor the whole day is torturing. one of my pals even messaged me not to slack at home, must do tutorials. He should pity me and ask me to stay away from tutorials instead. I have been staying up at home doing nothing but eat sleep and do homework. I think i rather go to school. Why can't the college be flexible a bit? Sometimes the college can be a living hell.

Well, feeling numb now. still gotta face medicine A to Z. Perhaps it's time where we should trust chinese medicine?

One phrase to describe myself now: Sick old cat

2007-04-22T14:41:00.000+08:00

So Young yet so far

Hmm, somehow i dunno if i should be glad that common tests are over. Just felt the relieve that the stress and pressures are over! For the time being. Still, although the tests are over, somhoww things are just don feel quite right. For once i thought after the tests are over finally can enjoy life. Well, looks like many others had adopted the habits of mugging. Well, looks like Monday still needa go college. Yeah, now i have no reason not to do my tutorials.

Since i can't find anyone to kill time, i must as well let others kill my time. Y'day just attended my sister's marching parade at the Home Team Acedemy. Really, although it was a magnificient event for her, it was more like a time machine for me. Sucked back to the uniform group life i used to have in secondary school. Well, i do admit that those are one of the most stressless era in my whole life, so far. Everyday just eat sleep study, don have to worry about anything close to council and public relations, and so comical to see all my guy friends chasing after girls and jealous of each other. *laughs* What a life. Still, the days in the uniform group are memorable. The feeling of being the boss of the whole squad is indeed beyond description. Unfortunately, the breed of recruits we had each year is deteriorating, good thing i graduated without worrying how to train the new generation.

Just love the teamwork we used to have. Hope I can feel the same in Council too. Haiz...

Well, Back to reality. Didnt really feel anything else other than threatened. First, i assumed that many parents are going to visit their daughter's great event and support their performance (mind you, my sis is in a single sch). So there must be many outside people boarding the bus with the NPCC recruits. In the end, it turned out that there's only another mother with us taking the bus! Well, u should have guessed, i'm the only guy there. Fortunately my mum is with me, at least i won felt that threatened. Yet unfortunately my mum is around, so i can't join in the rah-rah with them in the bus. Shucks, no chance to teach them the soccer team n erebus cheers. Hmm, if they learned that they may all go crazy in the bus. So, never learn is still a good thing. However, they're already going crazy on the bus with their OWN cheers.

I was wondering how come my sis have so many chances to perform in the uniform group?! My CCA teachers do have to re-consider their performances. Anyway, it doesn't matter now. I'm already in JC. I'm already belongs to the Council.

2007-04-20T21:09:00.000+08:00

Sadness in pursuing Happiness

Today just went over to the Serangoon Secondary School for their investiture. Well, at first i suppose i just only have to be a normal audience to sit there and clap only when necessary. What shocked me the most, is that SRJC may be the only invited college to their investiture, and that's why i'm the only ones there. Still, i can't deny the great honour to represent the college for their investiture. Well, hope that they remembered that not only SRJC is the sole guest appeared to their 07 investiture, at least remembered that only one sole guest appeared in blazer with a college crest: me(?!).

So fun to attend their investiture. Of course i just love to jump in to action without considering, that's what i called maximising challenges. Well, Dep Head, don't worry i'm not blaming you in anyway, sometimes going alone can be quite fun too! Just some interesting stuff happened today. Before I mention you should've guessed what happened when you're the only guest attending their major event. Haha, everyone just crowd around me as if i'm some magician entertaining the kids! They are just cute people. Although I can say those guys there still need more skills in socialising. They're so shy as if I'm going to eat them up! Hmm, at least the ladies there are not that disappointing. Ha, no sexist comments.

The first prefect i gotta know is Ming Jia. She somehow gave me a mixed feelings: a little of shyness yet courageous and naive. Hmm, I don't blame them being too nervous and give me that feeling as if i'm gonna do somtthing worng to them. Just needa brush up on some skills. Actually today more like brushing up my skills. Telling them jokes, hot jokes and cold jokes ( they're even more colder than me though) and no jokes. Well, i dunno if i'm entertaining them or bored them, but at least there's some noise! Anyway, that Ming Jia gave me a deep inpression. She's one of those first few who showed me a proper hospitality. She's kinda short and cute. Should've seen her shocked expression with big eyes when she realised i was gonna change into their blazer. She just looks like 18th Melissa! Just feel like squashing her cheeks and rubbed tightly. Haha cruel yet that's how tempting she is.

Generally it was a never before chance and experience. Pity those who never did attended with me. Just pitiful that i forgot to take pictures with the prefects there! I think some even felt i talked so much and can't wait to chase me out. Well, they should thank my chinese paper; nearly late when i fled to college from there.

On the other hand something came into my mind randomly as i was taking a rest just now. Pretty bugging and sticky. I still recalled the last time i told my friend that i'd a crush on someone. Still, it was a long time ago thing, thus don bother guessing who. Yet instead of some encouragement or at least something comforting, she told me: when others realised that u liked her, you are hurting many other people out there as well. Hmm to think about it, now then i realised how. Although in the end the whole crush turned out to be nothing, yet i figured out what she meant. Somehow she's trying to tell me that when i was focusing too much on a person, i may tend to neglect those around me. Sounds logical? I dunno. Such a mysterious prophecy.

Well, what if now i'd fallen onto someone. To me, now it doesn't matter anymore. Cos if it was true, my own happiness can caused many other misery, I may choose to remain in misery myself for other's happiness.

Just hope by that time i'll ve the courage to face the problems.

Anyway, it really doesn't anymore. As long as both of us are happy with each other presence, that's what matters most.

Just last few words:

爱你也难，恨你也难。

Talk to me.

2007-04-15T23:30:00.000+08:00

Compass of life

All matters respect the balance of order of life. Just like the ancient explanation to the yin and yang, everything has its actions and reactions. Well, I wished to share the wonders of Tai-ji but unfortunately i can't, i only knows it has been a rough week for me.

Perhaps i'm not spared from the balance of orders of things. It has been such an emotion week. Maybe ya have experienced, for some reasons, u just don't feel the way u were before. Somehow a stressful and pressurising sensations overwhelmed me. Now i suspect it's the pressure accumulated from the rah-rahs i'd for the past few weeks. Well, for every happy moments i had enjoyed, now paying the price. Bless my common test.

Although i must admit, things are not over yet. Emotions can get rocky. Emotions are like little candle wick, wriggle and swayed when blow upon. However, as long as ur flame burn strong, ur little flame will not only swayed lesser but lit stronger. At least this time, i faced troubles with a smile.

It was from this thin book "who moved my cheese?" . Well, it was supposedly to be a business guide, teaching the enlightenment in business-psychological success. Yet i felt these guides aren't just retricted to just business. In the end, everything still obeyed the principles of life.

In life, do give every new things a chance. It is there for a purpose and u never know if its presence is to fulfil ur purpose until u tried it.

That was one facinating guide. It teaches us to dare to face new challenges and move on in life. Now recall, the last time u experienced a had-knock on to an obstacle. How long did ya take to move on? Sometimes it is the fear and uncertainties that hinder us from our journey. We do not know what lies ahead and uncertain on what to do next. Yet only the minor successful people will think that: i'd to do something, just anything, rather than nothing. Courage is necessary, whereas optimism is essential too.

I had seen quite some friends who are uncertain towards their life. Some are worried over studies, whereas some are troubled over relationships, yet some are died out of nothing. They are worries for their common test. They had seen their results from the previous test and it wasn't a positive one; now they fear of getting the same again. Whereas those who are troubled with relationships, seems to be clinged onto the sinking ship, drowning along with it not wanting to let go.

Simply saying:
The more important the things are, the more difficult to let it go. Yet only when u r willing to let it go, then u have the hands to save urself.

Just hope they find the reasons to move along. As i can gurantee, there will be always people willing to help ya. It's when i let the person in my mind go, then i realised that there are many people caring for me. I'm so pitiful, yet so touched.

We just have to know that pressures and stress, troubles and problems will always find ways to intrude into our life. Yet actually, whether we will survive through with scars all over us or just with a lightly leap is all depends on us.

When sailing in the endless sea, don trouble over whether there's food for tml, rather believe that u'r going to reach the shore soon.

As far as i know now i'm learning how to be like water, flexible to flow through all pressures. Although i dunno whether i may survive the common test, i only have to believe i can. Because i knew i can.

Call me when ya need help people! At least i'm there. Cheers!

2007-04-11T18:39:00.000+08:00

Cry out loud and Feel my presence

It has been an emotionless week. Somehow I just dunno why. Perhaps, there are certain things in this World which just happened out of no reasons and didn't expect anything from it too.

Yesterday, when i was sitting quietly at one corner in the library doing my chinese composition, i received an unexpected guest. Shucks, he really knows when to come in when i was strongly engrossed with my composition ( well, my chinese teacher better sobbed but not vomit blodd after reading it). Who can it be other than dear MR Yew. Well, i do admit that i do get irritated with the world and somehow i dunno why my anger frequently displayed in his class. Take the last time i'd a conference with him for example, even my friends never know how pissed i'm with the World, yet i'm discussing it with him. God must have made me to trust him a lot.

Well, he just out of nowhere and sat on my table. At my first glance i thought was some buddy dropping by. As quick as i notice, my friends don use colonge. I realised it's him when he asked me that same question; that familiar question which i never fail to identify who he is when asked: "are u still an angry man? " Hilarious, comical yet solemn. Well, in the end i just faked him a smile and he said what have to be said then leave.

" no matter whether are u an angry man or not, most importantly u only have to do the right thing."

Once, i asked him before:

Will u care for the World when the World does not care for u anymore?

Indeed it's hard when u didn't realise the purpose of doing things. It was because of that i was pissed the other time. Hope not this time too. This time i'm just learning to love myself.

For only when you love yourself, then u can love others.

Indeed, loving some1 is difficult. That includes loving them even when they didn't love u. Tormenting.

I'm started to feel that i'm in a transition state. Somehow, I don really feel real. Hmm, perhaps it'll take a few more weeks before i find back my old self? Somehow, i just feel like missing some mysterious person. Is this good?

How wonderful if we can even express to each other through silence. I really missing my own laughter to those cold jokes. I really miss the smiles of others when they heard my jokes.

May happiness showered the World.

2007-04-07T16:31:00.000+08:00

Everything has a beginning has an end

It has been quite a long while since i blogged the last time. Well, definitely it's because i'm still adjusting to the new time-table. Only gotta released from class as early as 5, it's not a very good sign for some1 like me who'll become AP easily w/o enough sleep. Yet, it has been quite an interesting fortnight.

2 weeks ago at this time, i had sent my China buddy off to the nearest MRT. At that point in time there's only one phrase up in my mind: it's gonna be a challenging fortnight. Welcoming a Chinese pro into my college in CHINESE indeed is gonna be a big challenge. However, it does not turn out quite bad at all. Actually i find my buddy pretty cute, especially when we bluffed him that some1 died at a roc-moc wall ( i still believe it's a myth). Just can't forget his expression. Never know he really buys tt. Haha... Through this 2 weeks i then realised he may looked like a big man on the outside, yet the has a little cute boy inside. Somehow I feel like i was having a boy buddy instead! He is such an interesting dude. However, I'll never ever forget him, especially when he announced somethings cheeky to the whole council in the frewell video. He really knows how to make people remember him. Hope he has a smooth journey ahead!

Of course nature has its balance. It was a last week that i was prompted to receive an urgent call. Someone close. About something which had ended long time ago. Something which i trying to avoid. Some message i trying to send. Obviously, everything went wrong. Indeed everything has its beginning has an end. Such an irony that i had forgotten this idea i used to have. Many things in life created many illusions and caused us to have many assumptions. Partially because of miscommunications. Yet, i suppose by then, ignorance is bliss. I have been trying to avoid. Unfortunately it just came back to me. In my whole life, I had never slapped a person to wake up in my life before. I told ya, it's gonna change everything, including u. I could only hope that after which, light finally showed upon you to guide your way. Just like i said, It has ended long time ago. Again and again. Hate me curse me if u wish, just don't do it again. At least for once, for your own good.

It is then i realised many things are not as easy as said. One of the most disastrous events in life frequently accompanied with one reluctance to let go. Indeed there are many things in life that we are never ever prepared of. Life are just like a small sampan in the sea, not knowing when dangers will hit onto our weak soul. However the most important thing is to comtinue moving. Hit by a wave, keep moving. Hit by pirates, keeep moving. One thing for sure: if I still remain at the same spot, i'll be hit by the same thing again. Perhaps this is why i'd become emotionless when i heard of her relationship. It's not i'm not serious, it's because there's nothing i can do.

Still, these few days heard of many more stories. Well, sometimes i just curious where it originated from. Indeed it is one most numb period of my life. Just in one term, I was slapped hard on the face and now i just slapped some1. Indeed, now what is relationships to me?

Then i just realised:
As long we are happy with each other's presence it does not matter whether we are in relationship or not.

Well, indeed this may be the problem with most my friends having now. Hmm, but still there are certain things in life which a single may not understand. So don't be too glad though.

Wishing a happy belated Good Friday!

By the way, pretty interesting to watch The REAPING y'day. Quite suits Good Friday atmosphere too. Well, some1 really believed my bluff that i fell asleep in the movie. Haha.

2007-03-24T23:06:00.000+08:00

Mystries of life

Life is such mysterious thing. There are many things in life that follows a certain order: have u ever wonder why things which u desire is so difficult yet those u tried to avoid clash so frequently? How i wish those that i desire can be as much as that i wish to avoid!

Just like the duty for Parent's seminar during last friday. I once told myself never to do Carpark duty again this time round. How about smiling and receive the parents as they entered the college? Sounds fun! And in de end?? Even Mr Ou give me that grin as i met him regarding the carpark arrangement for that night. Well, at least i felt proud for that night. Although it was my boys' first experience is controlling the mega wheelers, they'd done quite a fair well done! Hmm, at least no one get injured. So is the car.

Well, similarly there are other things too. Here;s the first law of probability: the probability of seeing someone u do not wish to see increased as u were with someone u wanted to be with. Anyway don worry, this has nothing to do with any mathematic probability, but a theory of chances. By the way, do correct me if i'm wrong; this theory had slightly faded from my memory. As far as i know, this law is pretty accurate after all.

I'd my goals in life and this time, a different approach. 心想事成.

2007-03-11T00:25:00.000+08:00

My Heart will go on - post devoted to J1 Calypso Ogls

There are many people i'm proud of in my life. Other than my peers and some elders i respect, now right after the J1 Orientation, i gotta admit i'd start to look up to the OGLs.

Those young souls taught me many things. They taught me the spirit of never give up. Sometimes when i was real tired of life, even to the extent i wished i would gave everything up. So embarrassed. Look at those OGLs. They didn't even thought of giving up. Og having problem. So how? They stood together to bond everyone. Fusion night preparation was slow. So how? They sped it up. Og not enthusiast enough. So how? They still go crazy till the very last moment!!

Still remember the pre-OGL camp period. Honestly i was so afraid that i would scared them off. I'm already a J2 talking about math and sciences everyday. Furthermore the youth i used to have when i was an Thebans OGL was part of history so long time ago! How would i gonna communicate and guide these young vibrant souls who were so pure and innocent in mind that not knowing they are on the voyage to achieve a big mission? Die i also have to tag with my partner to teach them and expose them as much as they could. It may be cruel, but to let them struggle and learn to swim themselves is the most effective way. But not to forget, i'm the lifeguard that will save them before they drowned.

I would never forget the last fusion night. Indeed, the night held its meaning. It was the most touching moment in my life. The OGLs bravely lead their freshmen, finally turned on after 2 days, to perform their cheer marathon after Calypso performance. At that point in time i hated the college so much. Why can't we have a bigger hall so that i can find seats with them and join in the fun?! Felt so guilty that i was always sitting behind looking after their back. Still, regardless of me and janice's absence, they still fought strongly and stood bravely. They did themselves proud. I'm so proud of them.

It is this orientation that i saw them all grew up from innocent freshies to true leaders as an OGLs.

May these memories be locked within ya and be the magic of ur life.

Thebans OGLs, somehow i wish to meet up with ya ppl soon.

Calypso OGLs, think about the joy and happiness together while listening to the Titanic song. Really, i'm touched too.

For ya, Titanic- my heart will go on, played during J1 orientation Fusion Night by Calypso

2007-03-06T22:31:00.000+08:00

Song of my life

Somehow i fell in love with this song the moment i heard it. Somehow it hinted to me something. Somehow i felt affiliated to it. Somehow it coincidently sang the song of my life.

"What Hurts The Most"
I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don’t bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out
I’m not afraid to cry every once in a while
Even though going on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again I pretend I’m ok
But that’s not what gets me

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was tryin’ to do

It’s hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go
But I’m doin’ It
It’s hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I’m alone
Still Harder
Getting up, getting dressed, livin’ with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken

What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do

What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do

Not seeing that loving you
That’s what I was trying to do

-RASCAL FLATTS

Ironically love, which builds up happiness, is causing the pain.

Once again, i was numbed.

2007-02-21T22:45:00.000+08:00

State of recovery

It has been a long holiday. Sometimes i just don't get it why every one is so looking forward to the M'sia trip. Well, at least the closest person who understands me is my sister, who look forward cos of more ang pao to spend.

Those few days have been missing people back in S'pore. Missing all the noises and the relationships back there. Sometimes i asked myself: what if i were to migrate to other countries suddenly, who will be the first person who came into my mind? Well, this thought was aroused when i sent out CNY wishes out on Eve's eve. So pathetically only a few replied at the end of my ang pow trip. of cos it's just a thought though.

I didn't really say the trip was an enjoyable one, but at least it pulled me out of technology for once. Hmm may be i started to realised how Fides felt at times ( do correct me for appropriate ammendments in a gentler manner!). As i went over to visit my relatives, the atmosphere was filled with joy and pleasure. However how come i can't feel the warmth other than the heat?

Sometimes u have to think of these 2 things:

Who will think of u when u are not around,

Who u will think of when u are not around.

Well guys, seriously, i'm just so happy that i'm back!! By the way, Rm 2 = S$0.80 ; i'm not really enthusiast to change my Ringgits back to S$ anyway.

It's always good to miss someone, when u know that person is missing u too :)

2007-02-16T21:54:00.000+08:00

Move Along

In life, we may lost lotsa things along the way. Of course, this may literally meant objects and belongings, however what if u lost some one over night?

Many people stepped into our life. Yet we can't be sure whether who'll one day gonna stay and who'll leave us. Many of us are interlinked and bonded in many ways. There are some who u met out of no reason, and up till today u still dunno how on Earth u both can get along so well. There are others where u met from the help of fate. Lastly, there are few just act like magnets of same polarity: no matter how much u put them together, the best is still not to put them together.

However, imagine, what if one day one of ya best pals stepped out of ur life instantly?? There are many things which are irreversible and worst, hard to accept. There are things which are difficult to change, difficult to turn ur life. We have took advantage of many things and people arounds us. It's ignorant to see that everything revolves around us will last forever.

I had lost many things in my life, not to mention the people around me.

This time i did not lost one person, cos i chose to withdraw.

Looks like certain things have to change in life.

Happy CNY to everyone; make clever resolutions!

2007-02-05T22:35:00.000+08:00

Let's move on

Ours lives revolves about many things. Family, friends pets and buddies. There are always some which we would be some dearest which we'll hold on to and didn't wish to let go. Perhaps we are species of habit. We tend to repeat the same things again and again, praying that our everyday life will never change. So that we can spend our everyday with the same thing, with the same person at the same time.

This is why we are never bear to let things go. Similarly, this is how we hold on to time. There are times where we learnt what is pain, there times where we learnt our joy. However, did you ever noticed, we tends to hold onto out pain rather than our joy? Recall any events that happened recently to you. Issit the fear in pitch darkness or the bed of roses?

There are times where overhead us will be storms. During the shipwrecks, sailors left with painful scars. However these scars are not there to tell them how tormenting or to remind them of the painful past. Instead, those scars are left there to serve as a reminder of the carelessness and forgiveness of themselves. It reminds them of what happened in the past. The difference is, LEARN from it and MOVE ON.

Thy seek forgiveness and shall be forgiven. It is not whether others that forgive u that matters, but is whether u'd forgive urself that matters.

Now give urself a chance, don make the same mistake. Talk to me. I'm waiting.

2007-02-03T18:29:00.000+08:00

What goes around comes around

Life is about making choices. There are many choices in life that eventually inevitable and had to be made one day. From choosing ur courses carefully as u advance to university to selecting ur partner to spend with for another half of ur life, no one wished to make the wrong selection. Perhaps this is why life is ever that challenging and interesting. To the limitation of the outcome we can predict, we can only soar, blindly.

It has been one of the most complicated period of my life. I only told my mum who always clinged onto me unwilling to let go: ma, i m 17. Perhaps 17 is a very harsh word, especially to her. However, it is a signal to her that my life is about to change. Many things happened unexpectedly. Many things u wish to happen, didn't turn up as expectation. Yet certain things still caught me by surprised.

I had made 2 most difficult decisions. However even had solved one, it's still a long way to settle another. This 2 choices just make up to one equation:

people u liked loves u + people u loved like u = complicated.

Somtimes we will notice that the more we wan something, the more distant it appear to be. Just like how each of us everyday hunting for the truth. Most of us one the truth, for if we gave the truth, there's nothing to hide. Yet we had neglected that it's the truth that hurts most. It's a very contradcting idea: we wanna know the truth; we don wanna know the truth cos we know it hurts. Then i constantly asked myself why i'm still pursueing the truth which hurts myself.

I just don wan others to hurt and waste their own time. As time goes, many things change. Yet there are some things which will always remain the same.

On the other hand, me myself is seeking the truth. It's then i realise that to like and to love is totally 2 different world. Thay are very close yet makes a very wide separation. For if u are confused and misinterpreted by both words, u may remained confused in ur whole life. It is not the confusion that i fear, but it is the fusion of both of these elements. Although now i know that even if i were to be her shelter, she would not be there; even if i call her when she needs comfort, she won't be there; even if i waited to spend my joy and share her sorrows, she won't be there; my mind still telling me to advance and advance. SWAT, i'll call myself. Perhaps so many things in life, i'm poor in relationships. Or perhaps, i really confused by the 2 words.

Looks like soon i had to say: i've lost.

There are certain fights which we'll never win, what's ur choice?

2007-01-16T22:32:00.000+08:00

Be by my side

Nowadays it;s been pretty quiet. practically all my friends had started to chiong already. to make matter worst, the college had shifted to be pro-academic. Such a headache man! This explains why my free sms are gonna be heavily wasted this month.

Life has been pretty lonely these few days. Everyone seems to be very busy these days. Although i definitely had no objections to their rights in studying for major exam, life has been pretty tough to overcome such loneliness. Furthermore everyday my timetable ended at the early afternoon, there's simply too much too much time for my tutorial! Perhaps is my activeness that killed my enthusiasm. Finally i realise a cage come keep me still, just like the leo, it soars and ventures. I sigh for those who force themselves too hard. Life is not about books.

There are times i consider if it's the right time to get a partner. Heard of a friend who just engaged. Their times together are so warm and enjoyable. Simply each of them enjoyed opposites companionships. However, under most circumstances they met up just for studies. Indeed for a student, studies is our job to fulfill.

Actually i didn't really mind if our times were to be pro-academic too. It seems that we had been forced to. It'll be much better rather than staring at the 4 walls at home. now i even know how many dust particles are there in each corner of my room. Perhaps there's still certain things not controlled by man. If time to come, i know i'll have to make a choice. The difference is, this time i'm prepared for it.

It's not whether i wanted to but is whether if i could.

2007-01-14T00:44:00.000+08:00

Thou shall care thy soul

It has been quite awhile after New Year that i had to create a post. Honestly, it has been a tiring period. First running around for Orientation, then now adapting to my new timetable, most importantly as a J2 student.

Running the Orientation is the most fulfilling things so far these year. Perhaps i'm easily fulfilled and satisfied. It's such joy of servicing, especially the sensation that you are felt belonged. For the Orientation, i'd learned many precious lessons of life. Indeed it's you reap what you sow. It is so satisfying when at the end of the day, the freshies all know this masterpiece would not be done without us. My council term is a rocky one. perhaps this is one chance where i start to stand up high and proud. I'm so proud of myself. My team rox, forever.

Orientation has been the most important event to me. It reminds me of the good days i used to had, especially the most beautiful moments of my jc1 life. It's the first 3 months of my j1 life when i met the best people in my life. That includes those who left me. People comes and goes, however fate always harsh on us, no matter if they fall or left behind, we still have to go on... I just hope soon we can meet again, although i know by that time, we wouldn't be the same.

Yet challenges do not just end here. Now there's the 2nd Orientation ahead. It's another significant opportunity to earn the honour of council. There are times where i asked myself: why would i go so far even in the end i know no ones will know what ki4t has done or even who ki4t is. Although i still don know the answer, till then i only know without me, things definitely will be different. I may not know will it be better, i will keep going till one day i fall...

Mr bernard Tan once asked me: why do you join council?
I replied: I find challenges to stretch myself to the maximum.

Even though he giggled, i'm serious.

2006-12-31T23:35:00.000+08:00

A New Hope

If you were given a chance, will you do things differently, do it ina nother way which u shall never regret again?

Hey dudez! Just a moment more it'll be a brand new year. Although it's not as exciting as driving your brand new car on the highway, it's something worth looking forward to. This year had been a challenging one. Truely, other than my first 3 years of toddler era, this year is indeed a great learning point. Or should i say, finally whacked hard on my head. Fortunately i'm still here blogging, normally.

There's too much assumption. Primarily it's deadly to assume tertiary education is as simple as secondary level. That assumption nearly murdered me. Of course i'm still here blogging normally. It's one year where i realise this motto: speak slowly but think fast. Actually most important is to think fast. Time is indeed precious. unlike my adolesence life, where i spent half of my time sleeping, jc life is tight. It's like running to chase the last train in your life. In your life, nothingh happen twice. Do it or drop it. and since u had done it, do it fast. wait somemore the lactic in you will kill you...

However it's not a bad year either. It's a year where i finally got to find my sense of belonging. It's finally where i realise life is not just enjoying the fruit of success, but to feel the process of success too. I was once asked: which is more important, results or process. Indeed business and science will matters only the final products. otherwise why Mr Trump only hire those who made the most cash for him and Science risk pollution for nuclear energy? However, life is not just about ur final fruits of labour. It's then i finally to really enjoy the beauty around us. Then i finally realise there's always someone caring and loving you, and as well as caring and love for others.

Of course this coming New Year is going to be a challenge. We will not know what lies ahead of us, but it's a chance for us to do what we missed, and this time no regrets.

May all wishes come true. Happy New YEar!!

2006-12-23T23:42:00.000+08:00

Life of Youth

Do you believe each of us has the chance to meet for a reason? I deeply believe in that faith. Similarly just how I gotta meet 2 girls ( k one of them is pretty lose control at times).

I was attending this SMRT emergency preparedness programme yesterday afternoon. Surprisingly unnoticeably, a few of us were surrounded by those girls from KCPS. But till now i still don get it, why for that preparedness programme, KCPS only send girls over?! somemore is 2 classes of them... Wth happen to those guys... Hmm, i didnt recall being that slack at tt age...

Then suddenly that 'everybody lose control' one started screaming for sweets like nobody business and thats how we minder into each other. We are the most noisy section in the MRT. Actually all thz to her lahz, honestly, even in the cabin u can hear her voice no matter where u were.

Still, manage to keep in contact with tt 2 whacky girls. Haha susprisingly we manage to keep in contact coz of my buddy. Well, to keep things confidential, i shall not mention names. Just a clue: it's damn obvious who my buddy is!!

That 2 girls reminded me of the youth i used to have. Chasing after boys and girls and gossip about each other. Doing all the nonsense and going whacky and wild. Unfortunately to me i was a bit different; i was holding a faith, a mist which blinded me and fogged my life. However, it was not a catastrophe, instead it's an experience.

It's from then i realise the power of love and the true meaning of sacrifice. It is then i gotta feel the sensation of missing someone. Expecially the days where we clear to go separate ways. It's the most traumatising. It's hurt the most when the most important person stepped off ur life. Spring without the sun and Autumn without without the moon. The most important essence is lost. It;s hard but not impossible to find the exit out of the maze. It's then i choose to separate from my cliques to come to this college. Start a new life a new person.

However, now i thinks i started to miss someone. Even though I know in the end I'll be the one hurt, this time i'm prepared for it.

May we live with no regrets

Merry Berry Xmas :)

2006-12-14T22:09:00.000+08:00

Remeniscence

Hey guys! It has been an exciting month! Never knew even during holidays can be that pack. However thank goodness, every work seems to have ceased by now. So toementing to be stretched between council and homework! OMG talking about it, i haven't seemed to start any work yet...

Well, this perhaps is the last week of my real holidays. Day by day keep lying to myself "there's tml" and ended up homework had been decomposing at my rack. Homefully no silverfish have been starting a family in there! Tsk tsk...

Today went to Billy Bombers, can it's a closing ceremony to my holidays?! Instead it turns out to be a fun and memorable occasion. It's so enjoying to sit together with cliques and have fun together: chat with one another + have fun beween my buddies with council dudes = HAVOC!! Haha, most interesting is the waiter. Well, looked kinda cute, no wonder janice seemed so shy to even talk to him... Can even feel the static she trying to electrify him with her eyes...

At times i do asked myself, a question i came across, what is my existance? It is indeed difficult to find an answer. However, so what if i live on and serve the college every day? Still, no matter how hard the effort can be, who will know it?

Each of us, only has a life. One chance to live on. However, what are you gonna do with your life? Life is about enjoyment. It just like painting a potriat. It can be full of darkness and loneliness, or full of colours and joy. U determines ur life, not life determines you. Sometimes we had the temtation to DEPEND on our life rather than CONTROLLING our life. We blames others when group works goes wrong, regret about the results when conscience are clear that no efforts are made.

However still, my existance was unanswered. What if one day, i was not in this World anymore, will it make a difference? Who will be the one crying for me and miss my presence?

We gotta end our life journey one day. In the end, it can be frightening or satisfying. It is all up to you, how u much u love everything around you.

Perhaps it is love that Jesus Christ ended his on the Cross.

May Ur life be fulfilled. Merry Christmas in Advanced!

2006-11-12T14:55:00.000+08:00

Just for Gag!!

~Ahoy everyone!! Finally holiday has arrived! Hope ya guys had something enjoyable up every day! However, heard there;s some souls working hard either hunting for job or doing the job! ~Tiring neh!~ Now here's some tips to keep urself secure, FROM UR BOSS!!!

Signs Your Boss Is Spying On YouHow do you know if your boss is actually spying on you? Here are a few starters that might be of help:

Wherever you go you're followed by a potted plant in loafers.

The bracelet he gave you for Christmas blinks if you leave your work station/ cubicle.

Your name:"Ivan." Next to your parking spot: "Reserved for the guy following Ivan"

Your new secretary looks a lot like that chick from "Alias"

Instead of photos of wife and kids on his desk, he has a photo of you sleeping.

When you're alone in the men's room, a voice tells you to quit blocking the lens.

There seem to be a blinking red light inside the smoke detector.

The fax machine just coughed.

DO/DON't take these seriously. Boss may be tailing someone else instead... :)

2006-11-06T19:24:00.000+08:00

Wonders of life

Finally the Promotional exams arer over! It has been a long period of hardships and hardwork. It is something which everyone has prepared for, it is something worth fighting for. However, just like a game, when there's a winner, there'll be ones who fall...

Pass and promote, is one phrase carved on everyone's mind. No one will wanna be retained. Once i wished that every of my friends can make it. We shall face the advancement together and faced upcoming challenges together. Somehow, that wish was not heard. Some of by friends couldn't make it. Furthermore, most are more than just buddies.

I dunno how to console them. It is an answer they have to find for themselves. It is the puspose. Some had and some still lost in the midst. Enlightened ones realised this is not the course for themselves. There are some blamed themselves thoroughly for not able to make it. It is one life lesson they had to learn, which is let go.

It was a theory behind juggling. 2 balls? Tts craps. Try 3 balls. Juggling teaches us how to let go. In life, there are many unexpected things happened. Stead leave by ur side without reason, project results are extremely unsuccessful or even losing something u hold dearest for. In life, many things around us exist for a reason; after the reason is fulfilled, they left. Are we going to grieve like it is the end of the world? It is not easy, but not impossible.

Like juggling, learn to let things go. We may lose the security, the love the care, the warmth; we lose things. However, remember, in this life we give and take. Do u consider it end of the world if u were to leave ur parents, or do u see it as a opportunity to learn not to take things for granted? By letting things go, let nature take its course, life will be more happier and livelier.

Once there were 2 men on the sea trips. With a traditional sampan, they packed their boat with necessities: clothes, fishing equipments, Gold and Silver etc. Then during a course, they are tested. As they are sailing through the ocean, they met a heavy storm. The waves are huge and engulfing into their boat. Their boat swayed voilently in the waves like an acrobat on the string, catching its balance. They have to empty their boat to survive. One holds on to their belongings, never bear to let go. Soon he became part with the sea. The wiser one, dumped everything into the water; he let go. His boat float and he survived.

like juggling, if we were to hold on to the ball on our hands, we ll never learn how to juggle. Similarly in life, we have to learn to let go. Let us be the wise man who sees opportunity in earning his everything back some other time and let go, for in order to survive. Clinging on to the past will only make us slower to reach the future.

May we have the bravery to let things go.

2006-10-08T11:16:00.000+08:00

Deep Blue Sea...

There before us was the green blue sea. Cool breeze constantly blew onto us. The smell of nature. The smell of peace. I hold her tightly onto me. There is only nature, she and me...

The cool and salty breeze gently blew pass us, sending their love and blessing onto us. I'm glad i had to lived this moment; I'm glad i had to feel this warmth. The calming waves gently gently waving, as if they are doing a dance of joy. Enjoying the symphony by the wind, the performance by the waves, we could not help to feel that it will be perfect if we could spend our everyday by the beach enjoying the sparkling waters greeted by the wind.

The sun start to set, i could feel she's cold. Holding onto her small thin waist made me realise i had a huge responsibility to protect her and make her happy. Concurrently, it made me feel the love and warmth i once lost many years ago. I could smell her shampooed hair in the air. A familiar yer distant aroma. Her arms on me were cold; if only i had a sweater with me. I held her even tighter to me; now i could even hear her breath, feel her beat. I would never want to let go, and i knew she would never wanted me to let go...

Throughout the sun-set, she lied onto my shoulder, cheek to cheek. She whispered something i could not hear, but somehow i understand. It is awkward that we need not even had to communicate with each other anymore. We just knew each other too well. However, who's she? I never knew who she was. The shampoo smell from her silky hair was the only clue.

It is the 2nd time i had such strange dream... Prophecy predictions or just a human imagination? Perhaps eventually, life is but a dream...

To all who love and loved, sweet dreams.

2006-09-27T22:02:00.000+08:00

I smile for U

I was touring around my fren's blog, then i noticed some girly decorations of his blog. Hmm this is weird... Well, as far as i know, he wasn't that feminine before. Perhaps time has changed!

Haha, he is not the only one. There are many of my other dudes finally are hanging out with girls. Still remembered they used to be the mega-masculine type, do a little girly girly thing only then shy away. Well, perhaps that point in time we are still boys.

Now all my guy friends are hanging around already. The other time when we had our gathering, they already started boasting to one another how they hang up with girls in class! Haha so comical. Never know within a year, so many things had changed.

True, perhaps within a year many things had to change. In JC many souls had. Some had became more hardworking, some had became more socialised. Who says JC students are not ladies and gentlemen? Perhaps it is time to change that view. Some of my friends had already stead with new partners, who they realise can look after and care for each other. How lovely. Of course, there are some still in the process!

Well, in whatever they do, they can always get my smile. I'll smile at them wishing them the best of luck in which ever they do, and i'll smile with them when they are happy. Most importantly i would say In whatever you do it doesn't matter as long as you are conscious and happy with it.

Perhaps, it signalled to me it is time to give up the past and change too. It was not easy, but i'll try.

Wish all my friends and pals the best of luck in their coming promotional Examz! Gd Luck!

2006-09-03T21:39:00.000+08:00

Professionalism and Servicing

It's my first major event. The first experience to lead a 10 men team to sustain a major event. The time has come to show what we are made of.

It's after 3 days of consecutive tormenting rehearsals, we had achieved such standards. The process isn't easy: people absent, programmes not up, and perfromances not standardised. Furthermore, we are released late at 8 pm every night! Oh my gosh, i wonder how those people lived at kallang and Eunos can make it... Probably they died half way. But still, they lived!

Perhaps it's true: only until the day itself, human stretched over their potential and strive for the best. Surprisingly every souls performed with great excellent skills and standard. Even those zombies for the past few days are awake! Wow, i'm amused. Although it's just a morning preparation, i could already felt their enthusiasm. When i saw them working so hard, perhaps i should woked twice as hard too!

Teacher's day was a grest success. The best of all: teachers happy, audiences happy, we happy! Sometimes i wondered what is so difficult in doing sevicing. Lately there has been reporting and complaining our servicing attitudes are on a decline. If they didn't have the passion to serve at the first place, why stay in there and create such misery? Sometimes others asked me too: what keeps you going. Finally i realised the meaning of the phrase: Do it b'coz u wanted to, not b'coz u have to.

I'm so proud of my backstage crew. Coz we are not just a backstage crew, but the best crew. Secrets of being the best crew? * swift fast execute. *

2006-08-12T22:41:00.000+08:00

Looking at ur smiles, at ur joy...

Life is unpredictable. It is not to discourage anyone, but the more you try to throw things away, the more it will came back to you. Same goes: the more i tried to forget about her, the more resemlence of her appeared...

Yesterday i went over to soem dude's house. Thanks to the school database which hung my account, i paid my dude a little visit before they retore the whole thing. Much later his sister came home. Hahax perhaps i'm still quite thickskin to stay at his house for so long. Just as she passed by, i was stunned.

The features, the youth, the energy. It's her. Or it can't be her. She caught my attention at the first glance. She looked so much like her?! hahax perhaps i shouldn't be here at the first place. Yup, i mocked myself. She reminded me of the days we used to have. Yes, tears of sadness mixed with joy, a sign of regret and grateful. However this time is different. I smiled to her. A friendly smile.

For days i have been wondering what really makes me happy, so much that i could sacrifice that of my last day. Of course my wish does not have to sacrifice myself, or even by sacrificing myself my wish will not be even possible. Simple: a smile.

Smile to the world and the world will smile at you, however when you cry, you cry alone. Face it, it's a cruel world outside. But don't worry, that's why i'm building a shelter for all of you. It is such wonder that my life is driven by one single thing, a smile. It is how weird where everyday i tried my best just to give everyone a sense of warm n hospitality, and earn their most genuine smile. Weirdo i'm? Perhaps. But that's not a very bad thing afterall.

Face every troubles with a smile, and your problem will be eased.

Pass it on.

2006-08-06T17:30:00.000+08:00

Hear my Prayers

It was a normal night. An ordinary dusk when everything was drawn with a full-stop. A girl whom i think i was too close with, called me that faithful night. A troubled and hesitant voice, that lonely soul whom i had made cleared with. I don't blame her, i didn't point at her for making me so troubled so guilty. It wasn't anyone else's fault anyway. However, i had to burden such responsibility as well. Perhaps thats what i needa do, perhaps that's proved that after all at times when i gotta draw a line, i'm still soft-heartened to do it. Perhaps, perhaps, i'm really guilty.

She was a lonely soul. Even lonelier than that i had even experienced it myself. Made worst, she's a lonely yet broken soul. When was i first started talking to her? Y do i talk to her at the first place? Those answer wasn't important, but not unexplanable. It was fate again; we had become doodles of fate, mocked by it. It is wonder of human nature, that even though i strictly treat her as a normal friend like anyone else, things still turned out this way.

I had visited her blog. I shouldn't had done it. However i blamed myself for losing to curiosity. Or maybe posting this post was a wrong decision too. Since then i already know, what she wans is a reply. Come'on, i once felt that way too. However everytime i hesitated to reply her message not because i wanna make who feel bad, but i really don't know if i really should. I may exacerbate her emotions; it was gut feeling telling me to give myself time to think about it.

Sorry to her, i hope to apologise to her. I mocked myself, why i had made a friend felt so sad, when i had promised myself never to do that again? Now it was a time of despair, a time to made my stand. I know she would have cried, she would have took the blame. I only can say "let the done be done". As usual, never blame ur own actions, coz at that time u nvr know such outcomes.

In days to come, we still gotta meet. However i already know it won't be the same anymore. True, it will never be the same as the old times. Janice, perhaps u r impatient, perhaps u r confused. Don't worry, i didn't blame you, thus never blame urself. What is done is done. As usual, look straight know where you are going. As time approached, i may never be around, however remember there are many other good friends around you too. Be strong, stay strong. Ur true one will come, be patient. Don mistaken me, i'm just a friend. And this time let us learn how to be just friends.

Haha i wonder how i found such gd template with sound track at the first place. Looks like after all, fate wasn't that cruel. Such comforting symphony. It was based on an animation, where a man willing to sacrifice himself in search for his loved one's memory, even though he knew that eventually she will remember everything, except the relationships him. What foolishness to sacrifice for love. However i still do envy him. And i should have guessed; this track's named "hear my prayers".

May Heaven really hear my prayers, and stop playing with her again.

Be strong, stay strong.

2006-07-23T18:32:00.000+08:00

IT was never the same before..

Chance is create by humans, however it is fate that controlled us. No matter how great our plot is and how prepared are we, our destiny is still controlled by by fate...

It was just an ordinary day i was alone on the streets. Just as i was entering the Mac, a very familiar face passed by. I recognise her; it was her again. I remembered it wasn't long before she told me off. I neither hate her nor that someone who leak to her that i'm interested in her, but it was myself. If someone were to be blamed, i can only be the culprit yet is the victim. Now i only can tell myself, 'those pain is good'. Such masochitic i'm...

I could only recall the poor soul who used to wait for her at the bus stop. I would drag the longest time possible just to catch the same bus with her after school. Hardwork paid off, but i think my effort is pure foolishness. Everytime either she was with her friends, otherwise fetched by their parents. At times i felt like a parapazzi instead.

During pre-O lvl period, it was noticeable they were alone studying at the pavilion by the carpark. In the cooling breeze she was focusing her work.
It was a perfect spot; a perfect chance. However to overcome ur own timidness isn't easy. Thus by the time i really gotta enjoy the same breeze, i was already alone; she already formed her study group.

How ironic to meet her again, when i didnt want to. How is she now? who knows? And i'm interested anymore.

Perhaps it is fate that make fun out of man. The more u wanted things to happen, the more difficult it will happen. However things became easier when u r least expected. Perhaps, that makes man cherish the outcome. Perhaps thats fate trying to send a msg to us, telling us to stop such nonsense. Perhaps, our fate is not lies on us after all.

Still, even though we realise life is uncontrollable, it is one factor that keep us moving, one element of life that pushed me to such extreme: HOPE.

May ur life filled with HOPE. *Sighed*