neon abstracto

Sunday, July 23, 2006

IT was never the same before..

Chance is create by humans, however it is fate that controlled us. No matter how great our plot is and how prepared are we, our destiny is still controlled by by fate...

It was just an ordinary day i was alone on the streets. Just as i was entering the Mac, a very familiar face passed by. I recognise her; it was her again. I remembered it wasn't long before she told me off. I neither hate her nor that someone who leak to her that i'm interested in her, but it was myself. If someone were to be blamed, i can only be the culprit yet is the victim. Now i only can tell myself, 'those pain is good'. Such masochitic i'm...

I could only recall the poor soul who used to wait for her at the bus stop. I would drag the longest time possible just to catch the same bus with her after school. Hardwork paid off, but i think my effort is pure foolishness. Everytime either she was with her friends, otherwise fetched by their parents. At times i felt like a parapazzi instead.

During pre-O lvl period, it was noticeable they were alone studying at the pavilion by the carpark. In the cooling breeze she was focusing her work.
It was a perfect spot; a perfect chance. However to overcome ur own timidness isn't easy. Thus by the time i really gotta enjoy the same breeze, i was already alone; she already formed her study group.

How ironic to meet her again, when i didnt want to. How is she now? who knows? And i'm interested anymore.

Perhaps it is fate that make fun out of man. The more u wanted things to happen, the more difficult it will happen. However things became easier when u r least expected. Perhaps, that makes man cherish the outcome. Perhaps thats fate trying to send a msg to us, telling us to stop such nonsense. Perhaps, our fate is not lies on us after all.

Still, even though we realise life is uncontrollable, it is one factor that keep us moving, one element of life that pushed me to such extreme: HOPE.

May ur life filled with HOPE. *Sighed*

Saturday, July 22, 2006

We are Humans too

There were mixed emotions when i was newly invested as a School Student Councillor: Pride, challenges and fear. Even though we are unlike prefects, however Councillor still do share certain elements as that oof the prefects.

Councillors encouraged freedom of speech and proposals. We are an independent body that represents the student in any ways to adapt in a school. However, afterall, similar to a prefects, we are the 'highlights' of the school. No matter where you moved, there will always be eyes be looking at you. To be precies, you are a role model of every student. Then i realise, we are the scapegoat: they will not be lead by you, and only respond when u acted negatively.

I'm already prepared for such an aggression. Regardless our actions, we are holding the 'name and honour' of our school. That made us to be decisive brains, however too vulnerable. During Chemistry lesson i failed to prepare my texts. It is then i realise there is no such things as 'first time' and giving you a 'second chance'. Before you notice, the class is always at stand-by to rebutt you. Ever since, I started to questioned the population i m representing, their perception of a Councillor.

We had already be warned: no matter what you do, you'll be targetted. Come'on let's face it. I admit to my indecisiveness and seldom inability to reach expectations, however we still got to realise councillors are humans too. Reflecting such similar incident to our society, It is noticeable that the community are treating the political leaders as 'superman' and 'wonderwoman'.

To reflect to how much i had fought for, how much time and youth i had spent to become a Councillor, it is unwise to give up now. It is the democracy that the school elected us into office, and it is their trust that we are invested now. Student Council, best of the best. Although i doubt the absolutely of it, however it is an expectation that ever Councillor has to live up for.

Ahead of everyone in the college, there will be challenges and obstacles. It is the degree of bravery and courage in us that shape us and improved our adaptibility. Each of us exists with a reason. Perhaps councillor do means ordinary people achieving extraordinary results. This is a challenge. Every set-backs make us grow, and from then they make us strong. We are 'superman' and 'wonder-women' in the making. Please be thoughtful too; we are humans too.

Thursday, July 20, 2006

It's all over...

When a person falls in love, they will only do foolish things that hurt themselves; it's not false. I met that girl who i once i'm very obsessed with, but now she doesn't recognise me anymore; she had forgotten the poor soul she hurt...

There was this girl that first taught me the lesson of love. It was human chemistry. Presently i still confused why would i be so illusioned by her mirage. Man lost in the fog without guidance has the same fear as 3 blind mice scattered, searching for each other. Similarly i felt the same way when i had a crush on her. Suddenly i felt the warm in her every smile and always engrosses by her every words. Whenever i was with her, i was the man of the world, nothing can stop us. However, eventually fairytales are still created by fairies, not Man. In the end it was still 'you' preventing yourself from doing anything right.

As time passed, that Andraneline surge in me escalates whenever i was with her. Life was so meaningful to be by her however yet so miserable when i was only her friend. Wonders are not made by time but by Man. And after she realised my intentions to be with her from gossips and rumours, there;s where catastrophe strikes. Every smile has fades and every reason to live was drained. Sunshine has lost its warmth and the breeze has lost its scent. Everything i'd done for her was lost. Indeed i was the foolish man lying to myself that it is not infatuation.

Only when you fall, brave souls will rise and fought even fiercier. It was then i realise the time i had spent is a waste. It was a lousy economy with NIL efficiency. However, from then i know what i dunno, the true meaning of love.

It was then i realise there are many more individuals that me myself loved more. It was then i realise love is not just give and take, but the passion and committment to do something for someone, even if the other parties weren't appreciating it. Don love others because they love u, but care for them because u r willing to.

Now after i;m invested into council office, i'd took the vow. The pledge that not only the school, but myself could clearly heard. No matter what i do, is for the well-being of all SRJC-ian. How extra-ordinary a weak man crushed less than a year ago had regained himself!

After i glanced to her at the rear of the bus, she was that ever attractive. However now i had seen her differently, so is she. How i wish to tell her how much she had hurt me. But if i do, so what? I'll be even hurt more. Slowly i hid my scar and slipped pass her towards the exit, hoping i did not recognise her; what a contradiction.

Live on, with a more fruitful purpose.

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

Purpose of LIFE

What do u live for? I asked that to my friend, and her reply was simple: See how it goes. Well, simple question, however with difficult answer. Perhaps to re-phrase it, it actually just meant what do u wish to achieve in ur life. I had found mine.

When i look at my life for the past 6 months, it is filled with mixture of emotions. Laughter and joy, depression and tears, then finally, freedom...

During my 1st 3 months in college, i met lots of fantastic friends. Surprisingly we became buddies just overnight. It gave us that bonding that we are meant to be a perfect class. However, as idiom said, easy come easy go. Things that just dropped down from heaven unto you, rarely you would cherish it. Human nature. Take things for granted.

Then after receiving the 2nd batch of schoolmates, things got worst. I wasn't being accepted as well like the previous class, and worst of all. Things just don't went right. Tutors start coming after me, and every dreams seem so distance so cold. They neglected me and left. What was left to live for?

Then that qn again: what do you live for? Finally i got an answer. It is because of human nature that we take everything given to us for granted, making us being complacent. And thus stirring a conception that deams are an illusion. Complacent is the fog.

Stupidity is referring to one unable to learnt from their mistakes. And it is true: only after you fall, and you will learn from your mistakes. Fate wans to test my flexibility and adaptability of life. It is not the class that to be blame, neither it is the tutors ignorant that i was always blacklisted by them. It is me that should change.

From then on, i finally realise that life is about experience and joy. Even though you had reached ur dreams or achieved ur goals, so what? It is for experience. It sparked a burning passion and soothing comfortation when u know everythin is about experiance. It is to receive as much experiance as possible in life. And most of all, while topping up my bank of thoughts with experience, never neglect happiness too. Be satisfied with what you do. Do things that makes you happy, and makes you smile even you look at it decades later. Every day only pass that once. If you don't make ur life happy, den when will u?

Live like there's no tml.