neon abstracto

Saturday, August 12, 2006

Looking at ur smiles, at ur joy...

Life is unpredictable. It is not to discourage anyone, but the more you try to throw things away, the more it will came back to you. Same goes: the more i tried to forget about her, the more resemlence of her appeared...

Yesterday i went over to soem dude's house. Thanks to the school database which hung my account, i paid my dude a little visit before they retore the whole thing. Much later his sister came home. Hahax perhaps i'm still quite thickskin to stay at his house for so long. Just as she passed by, i was stunned.

The features, the youth, the energy. It's her. Or it can't be her. She caught my attention at the first glance. She looked so much like her?! hahax perhaps i shouldn't be here at the first place. Yup, i mocked myself. She reminded me of the days we used to have. Yes, tears of sadness mixed with joy, a sign of regret and grateful. However this time is different. I smiled to her. A friendly smile.

For days i have been wondering what really makes me happy, so much that i could sacrifice that of my last day. Of course my wish does not have to sacrifice myself, or even by sacrificing myself my wish will not be even possible. Simple: a smile.

Smile to the world and the world will smile at you, however when you cry, you cry alone. Face it, it's a cruel world outside. But don't worry, that's why i'm building a shelter for all of you. It is such wonder that my life is driven by one single thing, a smile. It is how weird where everyday i tried my best just to give everyone a sense of warm n hospitality, and earn their most genuine smile. Weirdo i'm? Perhaps. But that's not a very bad thing afterall.

Face every troubles with a smile, and your problem will be eased.

Pass it on.

Sunday, August 06, 2006

Hear my Prayers

It was a normal night. An ordinary dusk when everything was drawn with a full-stop. A girl whom i think i was too close with, called me that faithful night. A troubled and hesitant voice, that lonely soul whom i had made cleared with. I don't blame her, i didn't point at her for making me so troubled so guilty. It wasn't anyone else's fault anyway. However, i had to burden such responsibility as well. Perhaps thats what i needa do, perhaps that's proved that after all at times when i gotta draw a line, i'm still soft-heartened to do it. Perhaps, perhaps, i'm really guilty.

She was a lonely soul. Even lonelier than that i had even experienced it myself. Made worst, she's a lonely yet broken soul. When was i first started talking to her? Y do i talk to her at the first place? Those answer wasn't important, but not unexplanable. It was fate again; we had become doodles of fate, mocked by it. It is wonder of human nature, that even though i strictly treat her as a normal friend like anyone else, things still turned out this way.

I had visited her blog. I shouldn't had done it. However i blamed myself for losing to curiosity. Or maybe posting this post was a wrong decision too. Since then i already know, what she wans is a reply. Come'on, i once felt that way too. However everytime i hesitated to reply her message not because i wanna make who feel bad, but i really don't know if i really should. I may exacerbate her emotions; it was gut feeling telling me to give myself time to think about it.

Sorry to her, i hope to apologise to her. I mocked myself, why i had made a friend felt so sad, when i had promised myself never to do that again? Now it was a time of despair, a time to made my stand. I know she would have cried, she would have took the blame. I only can say "let the done be done". As usual, never blame ur own actions, coz at that time u nvr know such outcomes.

In days to come, we still gotta meet. However i already know it won't be the same anymore. True, it will never be the same as the old times. Janice, perhaps u r impatient, perhaps u r confused. Don't worry, i didn't blame you, thus never blame urself. What is done is done. As usual, look straight know where you are going. As time approached, i may never be around, however remember there are many other good friends around you too. Be strong, stay strong. Ur true one will come, be patient. Don mistaken me, i'm just a friend. And this time let us learn how to be just friends.

Haha i wonder how i found such gd template with sound track at the first place. Looks like after all, fate wasn't that cruel. Such comforting symphony. It was based on an animation, where a man willing to sacrifice himself in search for his loved one's memory, even though he knew that eventually she will remember everything, except the relationships him. What foolishness to sacrifice for love. However i still do envy him. And i should have guessed; this track's named "hear my prayers".

May Heaven really hear my prayers, and stop playing with her again.

Be strong, stay strong.