neon abstracto

Saturday, May 05, 2007

Sorry and Thank you

Time flies really fast. So fast. It was as if it was just yesterday that i once went through my Orientation, it was as if it was yesterday i met my civic class, it was as if i first met the friends i have now. As if it was the first time i have the warm sensation of love and care. Missing it, treasuring it.

Till now i just realised there were many mistakes i made in the past. I dunno what grave mistakes i had made, yet i know i had done something wrong. I apologise to the World for my arrogance which failed me to notice the slightest sensitivity in others. I apologise to the World, for my ignorance which shrouded me path to grow and mature. It is so contradicting, we'll entered into the next phase of our life soon, it's undeniable. I wanna be a Man, yet a boy.

I met this girl during the Orientation. Starting, she was just an ordinary friend to me. Yet as we stepped closer into each others life, we notice the similarities we had and the diferences we believe. Yet it was she who taught me what care and love really was.

We may be the teacher of others, in the end we still have to be the students of others too.

Although Orientation was over, yet i dunno why always we have to reasons to meet. I was stunned that till now we still be able to meet up together, regardless whether is there any reasons. It was these few days that i felt something which i had never felt before, for a long long time.

Still remembered the first time i had feelings for someone. Thoughts of her lit my life when i seeped into darkness and i felt the warmth when i was drentched in the rain. In the end nothing turns out right, in the end i lost the light and warmth, in the end i was forced to see in the dark and tolerate the cold. In the end, it does not matter anymore. Now it does not matter anymore too.

Yet, it was my this friend who gave me the feeling which made me really a Man, a human. It was then i realised i was actually a cold hard block of ice trying to hide something from within. Although my past doesn't anymore, I'm still trying to hide it. All along, it was hiding inside me, lost, waiting to be found.

A small greeting or blessing from her may seems little, yet she made me felt the warmth and care. It was she which gave me back the feeling i had before.

For once, it was as if i was back in love with someone again. Yet, not just ordinary one like before, but love with responsibility and strength.

Before, i love selfishly, wanting to be with my crush forever. Childish and selfish. However, this time the feeling of passion is filled with responsibility. She has a life of her own, she has her own favour, she has her own responsibility: I respect her.

Now, she was no longer an ordinary friend, but a special one who sparked my life. It was her who brought me back to life again. When you thanked me for your birthday, i was so touched. Because in the end, i should be the one thanking you instead.

你给了我以前所失去的感觉.

You re-borned me. Thank you. Now i shall move on.

May the love and passsion be showered upon others to warm the winter and lit the dark