neon abstracto

Friday, June 08, 2007

Separate thy presence bonded thy heart

Finally had reached the last day of holiday lessons. Although i claimed that holiday lessons the best timetable i had in SR since last week, attending 9am lesson, now then i realised it's not that perfect afterall. This week gotta even be in college by 730, that's totally no difference from normal college day too! Somehow or another, waking up for 730 lesson was tormenting and the day was latargic. Hmm may be because of the fatigue vicious cycle?

Recalled the principal's rally attended last week, one of his words left a deep impression:

On the things we always want to avoid, we are tempted to find excuses and reasons for it.

Well, sounds logical. At least i saw most of my friends does that. It's just like some of us encountered when studying for the coming exams. 'It's still early...' and I'll do it later...' had became a common phrase among us. Well, it's never early to start now, but don wait till too late though.

Even me myself was guilty of such habits too.

Sometimes i asked myself, "what is the use of knowing the many bad habits yet i'm still cultivating it?"

Some said that i had seen many things, yet I only can say i had not seen enough. Though some claimed to learn my habits, there are still many things i had to learn.

Yesterday, we finally able to draw out sometime to spend lunch together again. despite we may spend lesser time than the previous occasion, I'm glad that we can even draw out time at all. Now even during holidays we seems to even more pack. Council participation adds on to my timetable and i don wish to intervene into her provate time too. Perhaps this shall be the challenges, yet i'm not surprised though.

Though I mentioned our time together was precious, i was guilty that at time i could not fully put my attention on her too. For instance yesterday, during our lunch, half the time i was sub-alive. Why? I keep telling myself: cos got history test, that's y i not enough sleep... Idiot, didn't even score well for that test and still have the guts to think that way. Well, indeed i studied for the test and really didn;t did well, however i should not even had thought that way too. Should have treated out time together more seriously. Though she doesn't seems mind at all, but I minded it all. She don have to say anything, I don feel good towards it too.

Perhaps we have to be more honest towards ourselves, that to prevent us form adopting that bad habits. Still remembered last year when i failed my history exams consistently, I keep lying to myself: it's because i have no history background. Yes, i didn't had, but that's not the reason i failed. It's because i think that way then that's why i failed. hmm, looks like we cannot underestimate the power of thoughts: mind over matter. Now i'm thinking: how am i going to score history?

Still remembered i msg her: do you regret what we had tgt now? 'no ...' she replied. Though she means it, yet i was thinking if i had done the right thing at the first step. Now she guide me to the right thing even more.

There are somethings i waished to tell her; i wish i could.