Friday, September 07, 2007
Courage after tragicHaha i know that i'm not suppose to be here though, still gotta wake up my blog for awhile in case my blog started to rust. Well, these days are a hard period for me. Although now many either enjoying their holidays or mugging during this study break, I seems to go nowhere specific. Somehow i tell myself to study and my study pattern will drop drastically during afternoon, sure i will be wandering doing some other stuff. Perhaps indeed it's challenging for one to sit there for the whole day after all.
somehow i wondered how other's have been doing. The last time i visited the college, saw some of my dudes actually having consultation. For some reason, a sudden wave of fear struck me: others have been soaring in their revision, yet I'm still wondering in the college doing some other stuff, thinking of playing bball or pool? Contradicting yet absurd.
Indeed, it's since then i've been very worried these days. Everytime i leave my chair I'll always think: have I really studied enough? Have I been careless and left out something during my revision? I missed the Secondary school days when I will be very confidently tell myself not to worry for exams, yet i know these time is different. Somehow i seem to lost that confident; hope that i lost is arrogance.
It's because of everyday spent most of the time looking at my texts that made me realise is this the life i ever wanted to have, the life that i used to tell myself i'm prepared for. Everyday i hardly have conversation with any people, except for my ah ma at home or my sis who's seldom at home. Still, even at night where my parent's back, i still gotta revise my work after dinner. Perhaps it's the lost in touch with the world that i began to be even more paranoid, started to think wildly. I started to think the World seems to owe me something and my life seems to fade into darkness, one without a purpose or reason to live. Gosh, no wonder people say jc is the toughest education barrier.
And it's so that i must have made my dear woried the most too. I started to wonder have I been holding onto my dear too much. Every night we would converse with each other and it's my paranoia that made me feel that i've been too demanding out of my dear. Whenever I needed someone she will always be there, which means almost everyday. Thus it made me worried that perhaps i've been buggin her for too long these days too.
Silly, I'm: i was so touched by her. I'm always happy to be with her, she's the one who gave me the hope and reason to look forward each day. It's so silly that I'm such a paranoid. I'm touched by she told me today:
Don't think this way: I'll be always with you the way U'll always be with me when I needed u most.She's the one who always gave me the warmth and love, which will keep me movin on everyday.
It makes me realised that love is not like doing a trade: i spend this much time with you and you will have to spend that much with me.Sometimes she said that she's lucky to have me: i'm more fortunate to have her as my gf instead.
It's such a tragic that before the examinations, i've already lost to myself. But with my dear's encouragement and her in my heart, she gave me the courage to pick myself up and move on. I can't imagine what will happen to me without her.
Courage after a tragic, life has to move on. she's with me when i needed someone; I'll be with her when she needed someone most too, my promise to her. Dear i love you always.
May everyone who fall into darkness found their courage to pick themselves up again. Last lap, hang on there :)
YOUR NAME
change the pic if you want.
Kiatiano
18 Aug
Single and available, please Q
