Sunday, September 16, 2007
Thou shall not repeat thy mistakes
This few days seemed to have seen my dear for quite sometime. Although i'll complain that the exam period is long, so much time left everyday despite i re-confirmed myself that I've studied enough, i do thank the grace period granted to me everyday such that i can put those time aside to place my priority on my dear. It's for the more time i've for myself now that i can manage my everyday more appropriately, rest assured to go out now.
However, time may be granted unto me but not her. To her, every period now means a big difference. It can mean she'll stand a better fighting chance for her coming promotional exam or time wasted unknowingly. Still, I do not know how's her work going, though i'm assured that her scores are picking up little by little now. I believe that she'll do it.
When i looked at the time we had spent together, feel so long yet so short. I feel it was so long because i gotta hear from her everyday. Everyday, i will think of her and every night i'll tell her how much i missed her. It gives me a powerful committment that i gotta work harder that in the future, I gotta be a good man, able to give my family a happy life. Most importantly i shall not be tempted to take her for granted, which can poison my attitude towards her. On the other hand, everything seems so short because we're together for only 2 months. There're times where i try to convinced myself despite our 2 months, we'd known each other enough. Not true.
Sometimes i feel like I'd failed to be her partner: despite me able to keep in contact with her everyday, it seems that she hear of me more than i hear more of her.
It gave me a feeling that somehow I'd not know her enough after all.
There are times which I told her that I wanted to be with her she wanted someone most, yet it seems that she would appear when i needed someone most than I appeared. Self-criticism, elements that keeps me working harder to know her more, seems to engulf me slowly instead.
结果我是败给了自己.
If sadness is one sign to show one's adoration: perhaps I'm one of those saddest person in the World. Everyday I'll miss my dear: thinking what she's doing now, what will she be doing later and is she alright today. Everytime shen she was sad I'll console her; although sometimes i'm doubtful whether she'd felt better, I will try my best to cheer her up.
难过:不是因为自己难过而难过,而是太想念她才难过。
Still remember the first time I hold her hand, one that filled with warmth, love and hope. Since then I already told myself that in the future I'll want to hold that hand, with the same feeling, everyday. I'll fill with the same attitude and the same feeling to hold that hand just like the first time.
Just like why I never celebrate our anniversary, because I want to love and give her the best everyday, just like the first day we were together.
She gives me hope: the reasons to live on more meaningful everyday. I wanted to give her back the same hope she gave me. Recently she taught me something:
One will not feel happy despite you're loved, unless you love that person back.
Dear, sometimes not because I didn't wanna forgive the mistakes you made, but it's because I
can't even forgive my own. You are too perfect.
是你,我现在才尝试到什么是幸福快乐。
May one seeked enlightenment to love and to forgive: Dear I love you.