neon abstracto

Saturday, October 20, 2007

WALK ALONE

I'm wondering how others are doing now. It has been quite sometime I attended some gathering. Now, missing those days without have to think about study. It's amusing.

Perhaps my life was meant to be walked alone. Since I was young, my parents already didn't know many things of me. They didn;t realised they didn't know me, despite in their eyes everything seems so warmth and cosy, until when it was secondary school that time that they realsied something's really wrong.

Well, that said "I know it's part of a teenage years that we shall relax you and let you find your free time" and they didn't know it was because I couldn't stand the time with them that I was frequently outdoor.

I still remember at Secondary school year 2 that time, when it was my last year taking literature. It was one subject that i had never know yet it was actually one subject that i should know. The class was discussing 'Roll of Thunder Hear my cry' - text based on the racism against the African American iduring 1980s - and somehow or another, can't remember, the teacher asked "Do you know what the feelings are like when you are living in your family whith most of the times your parents not around? You people should be grateful that your parents nagged at you!" It was at that time I started to pay close attention to her lesson: "So anyone of you had your parents seldom home and spent time with you?" I still remembered that mine was the first hand raised, then slowly more hands started to appear in the air too.

"So how much did you parents spent time with you?" She asked.

"12 hours a day from 6pm to 6am - 8 hours i spent it during my slp, 1 hr for dinner then the rest they will gather watching tv with none bother to find out what am i doing in my room"

Yesterday my mum came home late with dinner and she 'spoke' to me that next time I'll have to give her a thorough answer to every of her questions. Infuriated and can't take it anymore, I told her: mum, you came home late with dinner, I'm starved and so you reprimanded me the first thing you are home? Today she seems happy and even at Saturday the whole afternoon no one's at home, I wonder if she gets my point.

Perhaps my life is meant to stand alone. Every now and then they come home, I asked them out they will always "see first". Otherwise it will coincidently asked me out when I'm in the middle of my revision. Half the time they want me to stay indoor "you need to study" and the another half, while i'm indoor, they mever around. Last quarter, even if they are around, no one bothered about each other.

Shucks, now then I realised. Perhaps it's the lesson taught harshly on me that next time must spend time with my children.

Well, think i gotta go find to spend more meaningful time on: something which I can do alone.

Pessimism, what have I turned into. May warmth shower the Earth, Amen.

Friday, October 12, 2007

Reminiscence 2007

Finally, today is our graduation day. Time seems to pass endlessly. To some, it was as if they were still back to their first 3-months, yet to others, they can't wait for the coming A'level exams. Well, to me? I think i prefer to let time passes by while i think how to spend each seconds appropriately instead.

Time never wait for anyone, but it is us who choose how to grapse our time well.

So true. Now to think about it, it's such humour to recall the way I spent in SR: first arrived as a freshmen not knowing what is await in a junior college, fall and friction here and there every now and then learning things the hard way and when finally learnt how to settle for a epaceful life things seems to come to an end. Indeed life is wonderful. There were times where I didn't agree with everything, yet I don blame anyone for it. I believe that it's that that made me stronger.

Some say that boy grows to man when they enter NS. Well, not necessary. Boys CAN start to grow into man when they are in JC too! In JC I'd made many different character of people. I'm so blessed to meet some of them, then others simply 'TOO BLESSED' to meet them. Well, if it was fate wanted me to meet them, perhaps it's fate that wanted to convey some message to me.
However, it's these people that made nurture my mind. It's in JC that I experienced what is a human society: one of cruelty and cold attitudes full of criticisms and darkness? Not really. Despite there are always some who will challenge my life everyday, they are others I'm so grateful that I'd met them at all. Those are the best buddies I ever had in my life. There are some who are always been with you whenever u neede them just like the way when they needed you. Then, there are some who will be there just to listen to you, one should be grateful that they listen to you at all! Althogh we might be engaged in our own life now, i know that one way or another we might meet again. Thanks people! You've brighten up my life! :)

Next, it's the college that made me grow even more. It is just like a mini-society: a government made up the college administration and students being the citizens of SR. It's through the college that I've learnt in the society we will have to learn to adapt to which other changes, responding to them and take advantage as much as one can from it.

If life was about choice then phases in life is about experiencing choices.

I've learnt what in the GP mentioned: inter-connectivity. Definition: one's actions have a significant impact onto others. It's in the college that i see how the new appointed principal principles guided us through, mostly we left with no choice but to follow, in the course of JC2 year. Leading the new re-organised college administration, the college has responded more positively towards the students. Now some might wonder why MR principal has to pick up litter whenever we saw one, but later we will know why we will have to do that when one day we live our own home and we didn;t adopt the habit of self-responsibility in doing our own chores as simple as clearing our own rubbish. Furthermore after we know what is self-responsibility we will even realise the importance of acting self-responsible when one day we all have to become a parent. Long way thinking? I prefer to think now rather than thinking about it one day when the public started to point at me for not teaching my children well.

Lastly, it's the college's love and care in a harsh way, it's also the college that gave me wonderful gifts. It gave me the precious experience that visioned to nurture a imaginary and creative thinking with a self responsibility, the inexpensive experience that hoped to further enhanced the education system which lack civic and moral mindedness, preparing every student into a good citizen of Singapore. Furthermore it gave me my wonderful friends and buddies, lastly not to forget one important person in my life...

I'm so glad that I choose the college at the first place. If i'd not chose this college, I might not be able to meet my dear dear at all. Perhaps fate really has their own laguage and own makings in twindling our life, but i prefer it that way. Still remember how we initially started to meet each other: I didn't know you and you didn't know me, it makes one wonder how did we even can get along so well at all! Now we are even learning to look after each other already. I always see my dear as a gift from heaven: she's the sweetest girl I've ever met. Although there are still many things we have to learn from each other, I'm so glad that i even met her at all. She is one never fails to be with me whenever I needed someone. Despite I always wanted to find some one to complain, sometimes might be a little roundy, she never fails to charm me with her beautiful sweet smile, one that melts off my agony and teling me that everything is alright. She gave me the feeling of being love and to love. It's her that i realised the true happiness is when one not just to be loved but to love as well. Indeed, she's the best girl and I'm so fortunate that she;d found me. I thank fate for bringing me into SR with its mysterious yet magnificent power. Then i wanna thank my dear for being to be with me sharing our great moments together. Thank you dear, you brought reasons to my life: I love you.

18 months of JC life, neither long nor short. Yet all has to go. soon all of us will have to embarked onto our new journey, a journey of dreams and possibilities.

May heaven bless all of us and let us always remember the memories we once had together: reminiscence 2007.

Saturday, October 06, 2007

Soon, the next phase

Hey World! It've been quite awhile sonce the last time i blogged. Well, can't blame me, A' lvl is drawing nearer and nearer each day! Somehow had already expected it, time still passed by so fast. So fast, that i'd just received my NS enlistment letter yesterday.

Time seems to pass so fast. It's so fast that as if the orientation was just yesterday. So miss the old days where i would run around chasing after people doing cheers and greet them with genuine smile. Yet, i was so glad everything's over. If i were to do it again, I really doubt i ll be able to do it. Nowadays have been thinking only about one thing: study. Day and night doing the same thing, repetively, revising my work. Today Chemistry, tomorrow will be Physics, not to forget my Maths too.. blah blah blah. Till now I'm so sick of it till i could just wish that everything would just end now, such that i can move on to the next phase of life. Looks like i was born to change. Still, I gotta wait for it to come, just like everyone else. In the end, study lohz...

Then yesterday jsut received my letter for enlistment. Prevously during the day when i was attending their medical appointment, I was already told that I'll be enlisted extra one more month as others. I would say by then I already starts to mentally prepare myself. 2 mths later, I'd even convinced myself that i'm prepared, my heart sank when i received that letter. First anxious, now this thing coming for real. No problem, i've told everyone around me about it already, no surprise. It was when i saw the items bile from the campus that made my heart sank. Susprisingly or not, they do not allow handphone charger (?!)

Now this really affected me. It not only meant that I gotta wait till 4 months later then i'll be able to meet everyone around me, but it can also mean total isolation, touch wood that my hp batt could not made it throughout the 4 mth. Before, only my parents knew about it. Others may not even care but there's one more person that i wish her to know it too: my dear.

Now I'm having such conflicting emotions on how to tell it to her. Still remembered the first time i told her that i'll be enlisted ahead of others, both of us seems to be affected for some time. Thoguh i told her that I received the letter yesterday, I haven told her about this thing yet. She may not say, I feel, that my absence for that 4 mths might have greatly affected her already. I do not know, how to tell her, that i might not be able even to contact her for that 4 mths when things come to worst. If that's so, i only know one thing: i'll miss her very badly.

It's not that I didn't wanna tell her, but i didn;t know if now is the right time to tell her. If my early enlistment had affected her bad enough, I do not know if this will do her bad enough.

Sometimes it's easier to come out with a solution until when you ended up in their own shoes.

Indeed, if it was others i'll encourage them to disclose it while it's early. Somehow, when i'm the one doing it, everythign don seems as easy.

Hope I might be able to tell her that. Hope that fate might be less cruel to us still.

She once said that we'd love each other till fate might even surrender to us; but i only wish that fate can bless us that's enough.

The 4 mths can passby very easily. Simple thing. But if my dear wouldn't be able to let it go then I will not be able to put my heart down while i'm inside too. This might be the first challenge. I'm confident we can go through it together. I believe my dear con believe in it too.

Soon, I'll be at my next phase of life.

May heaven bless upon everyone that their life will be a smooth sail.