neon abstracto

Saturday, October 06, 2007

Soon, the next phase

Hey World! It've been quite awhile sonce the last time i blogged. Well, can't blame me, A' lvl is drawing nearer and nearer each day! Somehow had already expected it, time still passed by so fast. So fast, that i'd just received my NS enlistment letter yesterday.

Time seems to pass so fast. It's so fast that as if the orientation was just yesterday. So miss the old days where i would run around chasing after people doing cheers and greet them with genuine smile. Yet, i was so glad everything's over. If i were to do it again, I really doubt i ll be able to do it. Nowadays have been thinking only about one thing: study. Day and night doing the same thing, repetively, revising my work. Today Chemistry, tomorrow will be Physics, not to forget my Maths too.. blah blah blah. Till now I'm so sick of it till i could just wish that everything would just end now, such that i can move on to the next phase of life. Looks like i was born to change. Still, I gotta wait for it to come, just like everyone else. In the end, study lohz...

Then yesterday jsut received my letter for enlistment. Prevously during the day when i was attending their medical appointment, I was already told that I'll be enlisted extra one more month as others. I would say by then I already starts to mentally prepare myself. 2 mths later, I'd even convinced myself that i'm prepared, my heart sank when i received that letter. First anxious, now this thing coming for real. No problem, i've told everyone around me about it already, no surprise. It was when i saw the items bile from the campus that made my heart sank. Susprisingly or not, they do not allow handphone charger (?!)

Now this really affected me. It not only meant that I gotta wait till 4 months later then i'll be able to meet everyone around me, but it can also mean total isolation, touch wood that my hp batt could not made it throughout the 4 mth. Before, only my parents knew about it. Others may not even care but there's one more person that i wish her to know it too: my dear.

Now I'm having such conflicting emotions on how to tell it to her. Still remembered the first time i told her that i'll be enlisted ahead of others, both of us seems to be affected for some time. Thoguh i told her that I received the letter yesterday, I haven told her about this thing yet. She may not say, I feel, that my absence for that 4 mths might have greatly affected her already. I do not know, how to tell her, that i might not be able even to contact her for that 4 mths when things come to worst. If that's so, i only know one thing: i'll miss her very badly.

It's not that I didn't wanna tell her, but i didn;t know if now is the right time to tell her. If my early enlistment had affected her bad enough, I do not know if this will do her bad enough.

Sometimes it's easier to come out with a solution until when you ended up in their own shoes.

Indeed, if it was others i'll encourage them to disclose it while it's early. Somehow, when i'm the one doing it, everythign don seems as easy.

Hope I might be able to tell her that. Hope that fate might be less cruel to us still.

She once said that we'd love each other till fate might even surrender to us; but i only wish that fate can bless us that's enough.

The 4 mths can passby very easily. Simple thing. But if my dear wouldn't be able to let it go then I will not be able to put my heart down while i'm inside too. This might be the first challenge. I'm confident we can go through it together. I believe my dear con believe in it too.

Soon, I'll be at my next phase of life.

May heaven bless upon everyone that their life will be a smooth sail.