I'm wondering how others are doing now. It has been quite sometime I attended some gathering. Now, missing those days without have to think about study. It's amusing.

Perhaps my life was meant to be walked alone. Since I was young, my parents already didn't know many things of me. They didn;t realised they didn't know me, despite in their eyes everything seems so warmth and cosy, until when it was secondary school that time that they realsied something's really wrong.

Well, that said "I know it's part of a teenage years that we shall relax you and let you find your free time" and they didn't know it was because I couldn't stand the time with them that I was frequently outdoor.

I still remember at Secondary school year 2 that time, when it was my last year taking literature. It was one subject that i had never know yet it was actually one subject that i should know. The class was discussing 'Roll of Thunder Hear my cry' - text based on the racism against the African American iduring 1980s - and somehow or another, can't remember, the teacher asked "Do you know what the feelings are like when you are living in your family whith most of the times your parents not around? You people should be grateful that your parents nagged at you!" It was at that time I started to pay close attention to her lesson: "So anyone of you had your parents seldom home and spent time with you?" I still remembered that mine was the first hand raised, then slowly more hands started to appear in the air too.

"So how much did you parents spent time with you?" She asked.

"12 hours a day from 6pm to 6am - 8 hours i spent it during my slp, 1 hr for dinner then the rest they will gather watching tv with none bother to find out what am i doing in my room"

Yesterday my mum came home late with dinner and she 'spoke' to me that next time I'll have to give her a thorough answer to every of her questions. Infuriated and can't take it anymore, I told her: mum, you came home late with dinner, I'm starved and so you reprimanded me the first thing you are home? Today she seems happy and even at Saturday the whole afternoon no one's at home, I wonder if she gets my point.

Perhaps my life is meant to stand alone. Every now and then they come home, I asked them out they will always "see first". Otherwise it will coincidently asked me out when I'm in the middle of my revision. Half the time they want me to stay indoor "you need to study" and the another half, while i'm indoor, they mever around. Last quarter, even if they are around, no one bothered about each other.

Shucks, now then I realised. Perhaps it's the lesson taught harshly on me that next time must spend time with my children.

Well, think i gotta go find to spend more meaningful time on: something which I can do alone.

Pessimism, what have I turned into. May warmth shower the Earth, Amen.