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Saturday, December 22, 2007

Bravery in my Tears

Hey ya all!! finally it's my first book out! Haha for every moment in camp I always tell myself I'll can;t wait to come out, now finally I'm free! But sadly, I'll ve to be book in on X'mas night, shucks spoiler. Well, for now gotta cherish every moment happening now!

Actually I'm very happy during my first book out. Although Dear might not be the first person I met after my book out, I'm still able to catch up with her during the next day. Though after today I'll ve to date her againafter my next book out, I cherished every seconds we were together. For some reasons, everytime when spent out with her, time seems to pass so fast, yet those in camp pass by so slowly...

Firstly, I'll like to thank my dear dear for always being with me throughout this difficult time. Still remember the first few nights of the camp, I'll silently shed tears as I call her at night. It was later that I realised she in fact trying hard not to cry too. I really miss her, and I always do. Since the first day we have been together she had became a very important person in my life. She is just like the torch that lit up my heart in the dark, the light house to guide the lost ship or the gentle warm breeze by the beach: she's my everything. Every night I call her I'll uncontrollably cried silently as I misses her badly.

Still remember when I sought advice from my first SERGEANT:

You should look forward to the book out everyday, instead of looking at how miserable you are now.

That does not help much, as i misses dear dear even more each day. Then I found the COMMANDER:

You are even luckier than me for you even have a gf waiting for you outside. You should call them tell them how much you miss them even when you were to cry, for they misses you too.

Still, not that enlighten, till I spoke to my bunkmate:

If you love her, you should focus on your work now so you can call her tonight. Tell her honestly how much you miss her and how you felt for what a girl wants to her from their bf is not sweet words but those from the heart.

He've been such a great help. Although I still felt sad in camp, at least it made me feel better.

Still remembered when dear dear weeped silently in my arms the day before I'm enlisted, I told her to be strong and be brave. Now I understands it was not easy. And now I know, and should tell her, to shed tears is not wrong. Simply in camp was hard, not the lifestyle I wanted. At the same time missed dear dear s gentle touch and sweet voice. The gentle touch in which convinced me that no matter what happens there will be someone to be with me, the sweet voice that convinced me she will be around. Today she cried again. Helplessly I can only promised her that I'll get for her something to cheer her up, for at least she had something to look forward to. I know, soon i'll be in camp again, it'll be my turn.

To think about it i never hated camp. For there's nothing I should hate at all. For it was everyday that I worry about my dear dear that I cried. Dunnno if she's doing well outside, dunno if she's enjoying her day with friends, wonder if she's safe, wonder is there anyone bullied her shilw i'm not ard. So many doubts so many worries that everntually I broke down. Worst of all, I even worried that one day she might not take it that she might left me.

Eventually I'm so touched when every night she will tell me that she looks forward to my book out. For once I felt that I'm the luckiest man, even better than my COMMANDER. Despite the hardships both of us is facing, both of us might cried silently while missing each other, emotionally she's strong. Sometimes she's even better than I do, in her heart she;s strong and brave. Yet in camp I'm thinking of such silly things. This gives me energy to be strong, never to be paranoid. Even if i breakdown again, I shed tears with dignity cos everything I do in camp is for the best for her, so wanna do her proud.

Right now I only have one thing, is that she will stay happy for the rest of the days. to think in the long term, I wish that she will be there with my parents during my POP. Today I spoke to my mummy about her and they even met, she's alright with it.

May heaven bless her, for everyday I'll shed tears with bravery like her. If in the future we will live happily ever after, for this little hardship is all worth it.

Dear, no matter what happens, darling will be facing it with you. Don be too sad over it le k? I love you always... I'll make you proud.