Sunday, November 01, 2009
Faking a smile to live my dayHey yohz peeps! I should say, today has been such a disturbing day. Well, fought with mum today, and i think she still didn't get my point.
Well, it started of from a very very small thing. It first started of with me booking in today this afternoon. Because normally my parents will know what time i'm booking in and they will ask me when it's my booking in time soon. Then this time, for i dunno what reason, she didn't ask so i ask her what's the plan today. Then the first flare of battle began...
Firstly she said she has many things to do today. Ok, although i know ME as SON shouldn't be complacent, what is she trying to say to me?! It's 3 hours to my book in time man! Ok, then furious and panicked me, stunned by her going-to-be busy programmes and i still have to return a rent VCD later, I proposed that I leave now to return myVCD, rush home to shower then book in with friends by taxi; at least if i leave now i still got time, at least i ve ASSURANCE! Then she said, "Why do you have to say it like that lehz? You like not happy lahz." WHAT?! Of course! I'm panicking. Later you'll say is my fault for you speeding even though i might be the one waiting for you all!! I'd enough! Ok, that's ONE.
Next, She started to nag. I dunno why, I'm getting more and more allergic to nagging, don't mind complaining, but not nagging. Then suddenly I dunno why she talked about failures in modern education... Filial peity... Manners... Dunno what's the qn she asked, but i rmemberd my ans,"then i'll live opposite you lohz!" - cheekily. Ok, that suppose to be a joke, but she took it too seriously. First, it's a joke, even if it's not a joke, I'm just trying to tell her that now SONs and DAUGHTERs prefer to live away NOT BCOS THEY WANNA DUMP THEIR PARENTS ONE SIDE, but THEY RESPECT PRIVATE SPACE! Let's face it, IF i wanna dump you, I would've MIGRATED. So, apperently she didn't see my point. Then she started saying,
"SO everytime you wanna do CIP is it cos of SOME CERT or KILL TIME?(!)" OMG!!! M I STILL HER SON?!
It have been a long long time I wanted to move out away from this house and live on my own. There are many many things I wanted to thrash, point it out to my parents telling them "Hey! I'm your grown up son now. Please don't talk to me like you Teenage son, please respect me now!" But everytime the more i wanted to tell them, to vomit out everything, then i'll think, hey they are my parents after all; forget it. But issit because that they are my parents then i shouldn't fight for my stand?!
I know i know, actually i gotta admit, my parents are good parents too. I know we are not a carefree family, at times they're trying to make end meets but they're just not saying out. Sometimes I'm glad i got such a safe envivronment to live in and i'm grateful for it.
BUT on the other hand, I hate talking to my mum. She always think that she's right. Even if she is, she will argue till she isn't! Wow, now i know where my fantastic debating skills come from man. No wonder my buddy say i no need a knife in my kitchen, my mouth are sharp enough man *thanks buddy! XS * She say she sacrifice for 20years and rear such a disrespectful son, I'll say after 20years you still didn't know how to talk to me sensitively, do you know me after 20years!? I can give in for another 5y, 10 y or 20y, but that is so not myself! Ok, i admit that i'm demanding, fast and dominating, but i can't give in and let you wrong me everytime! No wonder she said before, she and I can't live together one.
I was thinking mayb really in the future, I'll move out and live by myself if i can afford to. I'm already prepared and imagining it. But don't get it wrong like my mum, I still LOVE my family. Just that mayb if i love them, i shouldn't give them more misery at all. Not that I'm dumping them, I'll still accompany them, but living a no no. Sure fight.
But to think about it, my sister is still young. Shouldn't let her know this yet. She will understand and admit I should if she matures soon.
Maybe sometimes, love means to give it up. I wanna be rich, and i'll return them all that they had sacrificed and support them. thanks Mum thanks Dad.
Ciao :(